I understand the reasons we had to walk away. I understand even more why we can’t seem to let go as if we are simply hitting pause and hoping we can hit play again.
There are so many unknowns, what ifs, and unanswered questions. But between the angry outbursts and mascara running down my face, there’s something you should know.
I never intended for us to end up this way.
I know you didn’t either.
I wanted the band on my left hand, the wedding vows in front of our family, and a future with you holding my heart. I wanted to create a life with you in which we created a life together. The house on a quiet street, coffee brewing in the morning, and the kids running around so loudly that it's impossible to hear your own thoughts.
But it seems as if you were scared away; scared away by the temptation, resentment, and the unknown. You were scared away by mistakes made and lost identities. We run to each other in despair, desperately searching for what we lost.
I take two steps forward and you take one step back. We’re stuck in the in-between of love and confusion, just filling us with more of the unknown.
Yet if I had to bet my life that we would end up together, I would put money on it every time. We loved strongly and whole-heartedly, and it was second nature giving you my heart. I never had to question if what we had, and what still exists between us now, was real.
Through the ups and downs, through the broken promises and tattered hearts, you are my best friend and my support system.
We can make each other laugh to the level of snorting, piggyback rides are a common occurrence, and playing rock-paper-scissors is a legitimate form of decision making. We know that our favorite words are often too vulgar for others and that I could always kick your butt in Battleship.
I know in my heart that the path to us is the right one, but it's foggy and I’m struggling to see, attempting to make my way to shore. I know that trust and forgiveness are on that path as well, begging to be found like the only lighthouse in the foggy distance.