A month ago I was in a very dark place plagued by negative thoughts that consumed me with fear.
Unfortunately this is the daily life of so many others who long to get out, but can't find the way.
I didn't think I was depressed. But whatever I thought it was I also didn't think I would ever find freedom from the entanglement of the darkness which held me captive.
I longed for freedom and for love. I longed to see bright days as bright days filled with sunshine, laughter, and abundant love.
I dug myself into a pit of despair in which I felt I was losing air.
For three solid weeks straight there was no hope, no joy, and no love.
This is anxiety.
Instead of seeking the Lord I felt abandoned and didn't believe that the pain in the night could turn into joy again.
I was plagued by anxiety for a solid month due to a change that I didn't want to embrace. The Lord called us to a new town six hours away from my comfort and instead of believing the truth He speaks I focused on my own selfish desired unwilling to be open and trust His goodness.
"You can lead someone to the water, but you can't force them to drink."
That was me.
I was right at the water, but refused to drink. I refused to believe any goodness would come from this and that this was my life now anxiety and all.
But the Lord is good and He is faithful.
As I sipped from that sweet water I begin to let go of the chains that were holding onto me so tightly. I began to feel what freedom from anxiety feels like and how good the Lord is when we choose to deny ourselves and trust in Him.
Now, I understand anxiety is something I will continue to face potentially, but I have a new found freedom and understanding that as I run to the Lord He will provide and cover me with His arms.
I can now say that a month later that the Lord has shown me why I am here. I went from moving into a place with the mindset of leaving as soon as possible to a place full of joy and understanding that His plans are always going to be better than my own.
Yes, we do have to step outside of our comfort zones, because that is where growth happens.
"God takes His time when birthing something new in your life."
I pray for patience in those moments and full trust because freedom is so much sweeter than being trapped inside your own mind with thoughts full of lies.