A few months after the night with Molly where Jane and I got acquainted I got big news from my parents that we were packing up all the belongings we could fit into our little Toyota van and move over 1300 miles away to a town called Lubbock, in the great state of Texas. This upset me greatly, Lacey and I didn’t want to move. How were we going to find a fix in a town where we knew absolutely no one? I tried everything that I possibly could to stay behind. I asked family members if I could stay with them but no one was willing to let me. I became depressed and sad. I would be leaving my entire world behind. Or that’s the way that the eighteen-year-old me saw it. I wouldn’t have my friends, my drugs, my happy little environment. My world was crashing and this sent me into a downward spiral.

The road trip to Texas was a long one. My parents and I cramped into a tiny van with our belongings in mid summer with no A/C. Fuses were short and it didn’t take long for me to be the first to crack. I complained the whole way and asked probably a thousand times if we could just turn around and go back home. The answer every time was always the same. A resounding NO would flood from my father and mother from the front of the van.

We finally passed the Welcome to Texas sign and I thought it wouldn’t be long now. Well, I couldn’t be more wrong. It was another day’s drive to get to Lubbock. The supply of pills I had with me was growing thin and I couldn’t think of the possibility of running out. I had to think of a solution and fast. Molly and I had experimented quite a bit with pills and knew what we could do in a bind to make things last. At the next truck stop, I walked in and immediately started searching the aisles for Advil Sinus. It was stronger than the usual over the counter pain meds and mixing a couple of pills with Oxy would stretch the high and tide me over till I could find a connection in Lubbock. I purchased the over the counter meds and made a beeline for the bathroom.

Lacey was getting most annoyed and the sweats were starting. I hadn’t used since the afternoon before and I was feeling the starting pains of withdrawals. The last time I had gone this long without Oxy in my system was the evening I over dosed at Molly’s house. It wasn’t enough to kill me but I felt like death the next day. I didn’t touch another pill for two whole days.

I ravaged the Advil Sinus box and tore past the protective plastic. I wasn’t myself at the moment. I was in a drug lust haze and I needed my Oxy. Finally, after what felt like an eternity I got the bottle of Advil open and I popped three in my mouth along with a 40mg Oxy tablet. Just having the pills in my system made Lacey relax. She knew the high was coming soon. The pills just had to break down in my system.

My parents were at the Subway in the truck stop and motioned for me to come and join them in line.

“Do you want something to eat,” My mom asked me.

“No, I’m good. I’ll just take a soda.”

I sat with my parents as they ate their subs and talked about the rest of the trip. I looked out the window that I was sitting next to, awaiting the high. Swallowing pills were the only method that took the longest time. Snorting them put it right into the blood stream and so did shooting them. I never put a needle in my arm. The thought of needles was scary enough as it was. I didn’t want to go that far.

I sipped on my soda and watched the passing traffic. It hit me like one big rush. One minute I was sane and sober and the next I was high. It washed over me and gave a sense of warmth, like being covered in a warm blanket on a chilly night or putting a shirt on right after it came out of the dryer. I felt happy despite my current hate for the situation I was in. I giggled to myself and Lacey smiled. Her pupils pinned and her manner calm again, she settled down and didn’t make much of a fuss for the remainder of the evening.

For the night, we stopped at one of the rest areas that littered the interstate. My father pulled into a parking space and my mom and I went inside to change into our pajamas. I refused to sleep in my jeans. I was still feeling a bit of a buzz from the high achieved at the truck stop. To keep it going I decided to pop a few more Advil. If I had come into the rest area alone I would have crushed and snorted them but with mom tagging along, I didn’t want to do that. I knew that she knew I was different after making friends with Molly but I don’t think she realized exactly what was going on. I like to imagine that she still thought of me as the innocent, perfect little girl I once was for my parents. But all fairy tales don’t end so great. I couldn’t be that good little girl forever. I had to make my way in the world and leave an impression. What teenager doesn’t think that they’re invincible and can do no wrong?

After changing into our pajamas, mom and I got back in the van to get a few hours of sleep. Knowing my dad, it wouldn’t be long. He wanted to get there as quick as possible. I couldn’t help but feel like my parents were running from something with this move. I settled in the backseat and used my purse for a pillow against the window. It was lumpy and uncomfortable but my haze from the long-acting Oxy and Advil enveloped me in a blanket of comfort and off to sleep I drifted, dreaming of running away back to Georgia and leaving Texas in the rearview.

I woke up to the glimmers of the newly rising sun peaking over the trees. A new day had started and I was still in this mini nightmare that insisted on sticking around. It was maybe 5:30 am. The sun rises early in Texas. I looked at my cell phone and I was right, 5:31 am. I sat up and rubbed my neck. Sleeping on my purse had caused a horrible cramp. Both my parents were already awake and eager to get moving but I was slow going.

“Go get dressed, Teela or you will be spending the day in pajamas.” My dad said from the front seat.

“Where’s Mom?” I didn’t see her in the passenger seat and she was nowhere near the van.

“She’s changing and had to pee.” Dad was getting annoyed.

“Ok, ok, I’m going.” I grabbed my clothes and purse from the backseat and got out of the van. I was in no mood to be polite today. Walking into the rest area bathroom I donned my sunglasses. The lighting in the bathroom looked like it was a prison. Not to mention that my makeup was a mess and I didn’t have time to fix it according to my dad clock. I had ten minutes tops to get dressed and get back out to the van. I passed mom on the way in.

“Good morning, sweetie.” She called to me as I walked past.

“Mmhmm,” I replied.

I picked the biggest stall. The one with the changing table for babies and latched the door. I laid the table out and set my purse on top of it. If I was going to make it through the rest of this day I needed drugs. Lacey agreed. Her hair was messed up and her makeup was smeared. She looked like shit and I felt that I did too. It didn’t matter at the moment. I searched my purse to find my travel mirror. It was a small rectangular mirror with no frame. I found it at the bottom along with my makeshift straw. I pulled the two items from my purse and laid them on the table. In my makeup bag, I pulled out the razor blade I used to crush my Oxy. Unless you’ve done it a few times crushing an Oxy in ten minutes was pretty much impossible. I managed to crush it and two Advil into powder and up the nose they went. I instantly felt calmer. This was my morning cup of coffee. Other people were good with Folgers or Maxwell House. I ran strictly on Oxy.

I did a couple of passes back and forth on the surface of my mirror to make sure that I got all my powder, didn’t want to leave any of it behind. Changing my clothes was a bitch. I was at the peak of my high and almost fell over a couple of times. Once the struggle with my jeans and bra were over I pulled yesterday’s shirt over my head and walked out of the stall. I paused at the mirror in the bathroom to brush my hair and make sure that I didn’t have any powder on my nose. I found myself presentable enough and donned my shades again. The prison lighting in the restroom was fucking with me at this point.

“It’s about time. I thought you fell in the toilet.” My Dad said. His way of saying that I took too long in there.

“Sorry.” I slid the door open and climbed in. Dad instantly started the van and we hit the highway.