College. Is. Hard.

Between managing the random assignments, looking for a job, attempting to get good grades, chasing after cute girls, and finding time to sleep, it is a miracle we even find time to make it to the dining hall to fill our trays with whatever we want from the buffet line. However, food is one of the primary benefits of going to college. Even if the quality is not the same as going to a Benihana, the quantity certainly makes up for it. I don’t know about you, but I pride myself on filling up every plate with as many chicken nuggets or sweet potato fries as possible. Don’t even get me started on the brunch options! Two thumbs up.

My only problem is that I can’t eat or drink any dairy products. I’ve been this way since birth so save your “aweeee” for when you look at your grade on that microbiology quiz you forgot to study for. Really though, I have lived with a lactose intolerance my entire life and have been able to manage until now, so I think I’m alright. And yes, I have had pizza, Dippin’ Dots, milkshakes, and cheesecake before. Thanks for asking.

Luckily, my university does a swell job of making sure there are options for all students. We have food lines for gluten-free students, dairy-free students, vegan students, you name it. My issue is the temptation.

Let me back up for a second so I can give you a glimpse of how most of my conversations go when talking about my lactose intolerance. When someone new finds out that I have this condition, the first reaction is the “aweeee,” then comes a question that has always intrigued me. To be honest, I am not sure why anyone would want to know the answer to this question, but it never fails to get asked: “What happens when you eat dairy?”

Maybe it’s just me, but I hope most people know that there really is no pleasant response to that question. Perhaps some mild lactose intolerant individuals simply mention that they get a stomach ache, but that’s putting it lightly. For the sake of the next meal you are about to eat, I will just say that most of us end up sitting in the restroom for about two hours. It just amazes me how many people ask me that question and expect an ordinary answer.

Now that you see how delightful these daily conversations are, I can tell you about the temptation. It’s not just that my school has an ice cream bar with around 15 different rotating flavors; I can handle that. What really gets me are the doughnuts. I have had a desperate love for those delectable little chunks of sweet dough and glaze ever since I was young. For some reason, my university chooses to torment me with them by offering free doughnuts at (what seems like) every single campus event. How am I supposed to turn down my one true love, especially when they say no strings attached?

There are two choices: bite my tongue and keep walking or take three doughnuts and walk directly to the bathroom. I would like to think my record is about 50/50 versus passing or partaking. My friends seem to disagree.

People, college is hard, so the next time you meet someone who is lactose intolerant, save the questions. Just offer a fist bump and say, “Just take the doughnut.”