I was always the kind of person to find comfort in other people's happiness before my own. I would try so hard to please others that I would often forget about what it felt like myself to feel joy and content. When I was in middle school my friends used to joke around and call me "Dr. Phil" because I was always the person that others could seek for help and advice. Ironically I became the person to always give relationship advice despite never being in a relationship of my own. I guess that's what happens when you become an uncertified psychologist at age 13.
That's where the issue begins. When you begin to realize you're constantly helping others, but you don't even know how to help yourself. When you find yourself in a tough situation, distraught with anger or depression, but you don't know how to console yourself. And you don't know who to turn to for help either, because you were always the one to lend a helping hand to others.
I didn't realize the hole I dug for myself until I was in college, 6 hours away from being able to cry in my mom's shoulder whenever the stresses of life caught up to me or I was just having a rough day. All of a sudden I realized that I had to become my own advocate, and in doing so I needed to start to look out for myself. It took many trials and tribulations of allowing myself to be walked all over by others and treated like insignificant garbage to finally stand up for myself. It wasn't until the feeling of depression struck me down to my bones, aching my mind and body and sending me into funks I couldn't pull myself out of that I realized I needed to get help.
The moment I started to think about my own mental health first was the beginning of a much healthier period for me. I eventually learned how to be there for others, but know when I needed time for myself. Sometimes it was just some alone time to recuperate or finding the little joys in life that reminded me what I was fighting for. Of course getting to this stage isn't easy, and I quickly realized that a lot of people in life were going to continuously let me down; and even though I was constantly there for everyone during their crises, it didn't mean they'd return the favor. Life is never easy. We're constantly thrown challenges and knocked off our feet in unimaginable ways, and it's hard to not get frustrated with the universe sometimes. While some might see it as a test to prove their strength, others may see it as another misfortune in their lives. The moment I stopped seeing every negative aspect of my life as some sort of curse the universe bestowed on me was the moment I began to realize why it was so important to fight for my own happiness. Because if you're not constantly being your own personal cheerleader and keeping your physical and mental health as your first priority, then you need to rethink things.
Because you are important. You are worth fighting for. And you deserve every bit of happiness in the world.