The importance of vulnerability is something that I can promise the world will NOT teach you.

Our world today glorifies trust issues. Que the Drake lyrics. People have walls that are so high, even the most dedicated loved one can’t find their way over them. Our society has found a way to romanticize keeping feelings bottled up and secrets locked away. This is hurting us deeply.

It seems that with each passing day I meet more people that have extremely high walls up. When I say this, I do not mean that I am expecting strangers to share their life story with me. I mean that time and time again, I am getting to know a new friend more and more, and then I suddenly hit a stop. This is very frustrating. I just want to get to know you but your answer to, “How’ve ya been?!” Is, “Good.” People that I have known for a decent amount of time now, people that I trust, do not seem to be trusting me in the same way that I trust them.

I have noticed that it is not that they do not trust me personally; it’s that, to most people in their life, they are to some degree closed off. This is a hard concept for someone like me to accept.

This lack of openness is hurting the quality of our relationships. You have to talk about the hard things; you have to talk about what you’re up against to have meaningful friendships and relationships. Besides what’s practical (being able to know about and refer to the information), the act of being open and trusting with someone creates a bond with that person.

I am an open book. The minute I decide that you are a trustworthy person and I’ve known you for a good minute, everything is on the table. I don’t spill secrets to strangers, but I essentially do not have anything to hide.

I can’t say that there has never been a time where I was vulnerable and regretted it, because there has been. I can say that opening up has never truly hurt me in life, though. Being honest with people and talking about things that are not easy to talk about has helped me in life much more than it has hurt me. I wish more people realized this.

Yes, at first you feel unprotected. You don’t know exactly how the person you are trusting will react to you being exposed. Let’s embrace the truth here though. If someone cannot handle your vulnerability with care, they probably aren’t a friend you have to worry about keeping.

The best thing is when you open up to someone you have befriended, and it deepens your relationship with that person. Having a mutual trust like that can really solidify a friendship. Being vulnerable about what is going on in your life can also have practical pluses. If you keep your friends up to speed on what is going on in your life then they can understand your reactions. If you keep your boss or a teacher in the loop then they might know what behaviors to expect or excuse and what not to. There’s always a benefit in each situation because the more a person knows about you, your past, and your struggles, the less they have to guess. The less assumptions are made, the better.

If you want to be completely misunderstood and sometimes punished when it is not warranted, then I suggest that you keep everyone in the dark and bottle up every emotion. If you want to feel like the people who are around you truly know you and occasionally have consequences waived, then I strongly advise that you open up a little bit. Don’t let the world miss out on who you are and what you bring to the table. Don’t keep it bottled up that your sister has cancer, your father was abusive, or your baby brother is in jail. Let the people who should know, know. Tell us how you feel. Then we can be there for you, pray for you, and maybe give you a pass sometimes. We can also learn from you and your experiences.