The Horror Of Hiddleswift

The Horror Of Hiddleswift

And what it reveals about the media

Taylor Swift is dating Tom Hiddleston. The world might just end.

Let me be clear: I don’t generally read gossip magazines or tabloids or anything of that nature. Sure, I read the headlines when I’m waiting to buy my poor college kid ramen at the grocery store. Who doesn't? But I am not really “in the know” about celebrity lives. That being said, the news that Tom Hiddleston is dating Taylor Swift shocked me. It seems that Hiddleston, the dapper British gent that the Internet worships, has chosen to date the perky long-legged popstar that so many love to hate.

The British tabloid Daily Mail has declared Hiddleston’s actions, along with the staged pictures from Swift’s July 4th party, “cringeworthy.” LA Times has also reacted in disgust, citing Hiddleston’s shirt that proudly stated I [heart] T.S. as a sign that he has become “a British prisoner of war, forced against his will to celebrate the independence of the most belligerent of England’s former colonies.” In other words, the media believes Swift has brainwashed her new boyfriend into worshiping her, for there is no way a man in his right mind—especially this upstanding Brit—would date her. Ouch.

It seems the Internet is taking the news pretty hard. USA Today describes Hiddleston as “the Internet’s boyfriend” and E News finds that his “legions of virtual lovers” are in an uproar over his romantic choice. And though you won’t hear me blaring any T-Swift songs while driving around town, I was a little taken aback at the media’s reaction. True, I was also confused at first. The match combines two completely opposite celebrity personalities. It seemed unlikely, so I did some research. I was curious. The idea of Hiddleswift being a legitimate thing was bizarre to me, so I wanted to check the facts. What I discovered was fascinating. In an effort to deny that their darling has not taken up with a media loving pop star, many Internet users have come up with conspiracy theories. The most likely is that this is a publicity stunt, a fake romance, to get both celebrities attention.

If this relationship is an act, it’s been done well. Swift and Hiddleston (now referred to as Hiddleswift) have been cited touring in Rome, visiting Hiddleston’s mother in England and partying it up at Swift’s Rhode Island mansion. Now, the couple has traveled to Australia—a trip that was well documented by photographers. It seems their every step must be recorded, as well as their coordinating outfits.

Honestly, I’m horrified by what I’ve found—and it’s not the truth that the Hiddleswift relationship exists. It’s the public’s obsession over a couple whose relationship none of us have a right to know the details of. If they’re doing it for publicity, then fine. They’re surely getting it. If they truly like each other (love seems a stretch this soon, but how am I to know?), then great. It’s none of my beeswax. And quite frankly, it’s none of yours either. Unless you’re one of them—which I doubt.

Our culture has become obsessed with gossip—specifically celebrity gossip. We love to know the minute details of their lives because our own just aren’t glamorous enough. We think we know them. We think that because we’ve seen pictures and interviews and memes and Instagram accounts, these people are our friends—or boyfriends. But they’re not. I hate to break it to you folks, but Tom Hiddleston is probably not who you think he is. You may have a perception of him, but that’s based on how he presents himself. What if he has created an image for himself that isn’t true to who he really is? Oh, the horror.

It seems the Internet has refused to consider a plausible (and more likely) explanation. Tom Hiddleston met a girl. He thought the girl was pretty. He asked her out. She said yes. They like each other’s company. The end. Yes, his choice of pretty girl is surprising. But…who cares? I began my research for this article curious and confused by Hiddleswift. And I end a little wiser, I hope, as I’ve come to the realization that no matter how bizarre their relationship is, it’s their relationship, not mine. This media obsession may be what they want, but either way, their private lives—including who they chose to date—is entirely their own matter. If it reveals something about their character that the public didn’t realize before, okay. Now we know: Hiddleston likes perky blondes. But beyond that surprising fact we have no reason to be upset or judgmental of their relationship.

So, Hiddleswift, I wish you the best of luck. And Internet, dry those tears, pick yourself up and move on.

Cover Image Credit: ET Online

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A Playlist From The iPod Of A Middle Schooler In 2007

I will always love you, Akon.

Something happened today that I never thought in a million years would happen. I opened up a drawer at my parents' house and I found my pink, 4th generation iPod Nano. I had not seen this thing since I graduated from the 8th grade, and the headphones have not left my ears since I pulled it out of that drawer. It's funny to me how music can take you back. You listen to a song and suddenly you're wearing a pair of gauchos, sitting on the bleachers in a gym somewhere, avoiding boys at all cost at your seventh grade dance. So if you were around in 2007 and feel like reminiscing, here is a playlist straight from the iPod of a middle schooler in 2007.

1. "Bad Day" — Daniel Powter

2. "Hips Don't Lie" — Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

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3. "Unwritten" — Natasha Bedingfield

4. "Run It!" — Chris Brown

5. "Girlfriend" — Avril Lavigne

6. "Move Along" — All-American Rejects

7. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

8. "Every Time We Touch" — Cascada

9. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx

10. "Chain Hang Low" — Jibbs

11. "Smack That" — Akon ft. Eminem

12. "Waiting on the World to Change" — John Mayer

13. "Stupid Girls" — Pink

14. "Irreplaceable" — Beyonce

15. "Umbrella" — Rihanna ft. Jay-Z

16. "Don't Matter" — Akon

17. "Party Like A Rockstar" — Shop Boyz

18. "This Is Why I'm Hot" — Mims

19. "Beautiful Girls" — Sean Kingston

20. "Bartender" — T-Pain

21. "Pop, Lock and Drop It" — Huey

22. "Wait For You" — Elliot Yamin

23. "Lips Of An Angel" — Hinder

24. "Face Down" — Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

25. "Chasing Cars" — Snow Patrol

26. "No One" — Alicia Keys

27. "Cyclone" — Baby Bash ft. T-Pain

28. "Crank That" — Soulja Boy

29. "Kiss Kiss" — Chris Brown

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30. "Lip Gloss" — Lil' Mama

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My AP Environmental Science Class' Cookie Mining Experiment Shows Why Capitalism Is Destroying The Planet

Who cares about the environment with profits this high?


With the AP exams in May approaching quickly, my AP Environmental Science class has wasted no time in jumping right into labs. To demonstrate the damage to the environment done by strip mining, we were instructed to remove the chocolate chips from cookies.

The experiment in itself was rather simple. We profited from fully or partially extracted chips ($8 for a full piece and $4 for a partial) and lost from buying tools, using time and area and incurring fines.

This might seem simplistic, but it showcased the nature of disastrous fossil fuel companies.

We were fined a $1 per minute we spent mining. It cost $4 per tool we bought (either tweezers or paper clips) and 50 cents for every square centimeter of cookie we mined.

Despite the seemingly overbearing charges compared to the sole way to profit, it was actually really easy to profit.

If we found even a partial chocolate chip per minute, that's $3 profit or utilization elsewhere. Tools were an investment that could be made up each with a partial chip, and clearly we were able to find much, much more than just one partial chip per tool.

Perhaps the most disproportionally easiest thing to get around were the fines. We were liable to be fined for habitat destruction, dangerous mining conditions with faulty tools, clutter, mess and noise level. No one in the class got fined for noise level nor faulty tools, but we got hit with habitat destruction and clutter, both of which added up to a mere $6.

We managed to avoid higher fines by deceiving our teacher by pushing together the broken cookie landscapes and swiping away the majority of our mess before being examined for fining purposes. This was amidst all of our cookies being broken into at least three portions.

After finding many, many chips, despite the costs of mining, we profited over $100. We earned a Franklin for destroying our sugary environment.

We weren't even the worst group.

It was kind of funny the situations other groups simulated to their cookies. We were meant to represent strip mining, but one group decided to represent mountaintop removal. Mountaintop removal is where companies go to extract resources from the tops of mountains via explosions to literally blow the tops off. This group did this by literally pulverizing their cookies to bits and pieces with their fists.

They incurred the maximum fine of $45. They didn't profit $100, however.

They profited over $500 dollars.

In the context of our environmental science class, these situations were anywhere from funny to satisfying. In the context of the real world, however, the consequences are devastating our environment.

Without even mentioning the current trajectory we're on approaching a near irreversible global temperature increase even if we took drastic measures this moment, mining and fracking is literally destroying ecosystems.

We think of earthquakes as creating mass amounts of sudden movement and unholy deep trenches as they fracture our crust. With dangerous mining habits, we do this ourselves.

Bigger companies not even related to mining end up destroying the planet and even hundreds of thousands of lives. ExxonMobil, BP? Still thriving in business after serial oil spills over the course of their operation. Purdue Pharma, the company who has misled the medical community for decades about the effects of OxyContin and its potential for abuse, is still running and ruining multitudes more lives every single day.

Did these companies receive fines? Yes.

But their business model is too profitable to make the fines have just about any effect upon their operation.

In our cookie mining simulation, we found that completely obliterating the landscape was much more profitable than being careful and walking on eggshells around the laws. Large, too-big-to-fail companies have held the future of our planet in their greedy paws and have likewise pulverized our environment, soon enough to be unable to return from.

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