“Girls are always so afraid to do anything,” a male friend of mine once said to me.
The day before he’d been walking from class with one of his female friends and a group of guys in the parking lot started yelling at the two to join them. Her instant reaction was to walk faster. However, he laughed it off and almost left her to join what he saw was a harmless group of guys.
At first, I felt agitated and annoyed. How could he say such an insensitive thing? I got terrified just hearing about the situation. I can’t imagine the fear that girl felt.
Then, it hit me. He really didn’t know. He really had no idea what was wrong with the situation. In his eyes, he saw a group of guys wanting to meet a new friend. In hers, mine, and most females, we saw a potentially life-threatening situation.
Everyone knows that life experiences are shaped like things that really shouldn’t matter such as race, religion, and sexuality. However, often times we forget about gender because sexism can sometimes be a little less obvious to spot.
For men, it’s especially difficult for them to not only identify sexism but also identify situations that their female counterparts perceive as dangerous.
In 2012, Donald Glover, AKA Childish Gambino, an actor, musician, and comedian, had a comedy special called Weirdo. In one of his bits, he talks about how men always have a crazy girlfriend story and wonders why women never have a crazy boyfriend story. Then, he comes to the terrifying yet true revelation that for women, “If you’ve got a crazy boyfriend, you gon’ die.”
And he was right. It was meant to be a joke but there’s a huge layer of truth to it. A man’s biggest fear on a blind date is that the woman will be fat. For a woman, they’re fearing they’ll be meeting up with a serial killer.
In a social experiment done by Simple Pickup, a small woman met up with a few Tinder dates. The twist, she did it in a fat suit which made her look much different than her pictures. The reactions from men were so rude and only one man stayed until the end of the date.
Then, Social Pickup repeated the same experiment. This time they did it with a man. Women were kind, polite, and genuinely interested in him. There were no looks of disgust or accusations of betrayal. One woman even kissed him at the end of the date.
This is just one example of how differently men and women see the world.
When I go out, my first thought is “Can I run in these shoes if I have to?” or “Do I have my pepper spray on me?”
I don’t have the luxury of looking at a group of men and thinking of them as potential friends. The reality of it is, I see my potential rapist or killers. I see violence and a pain.
Yes, I know it’s not all men but guess what? Murderers don’t wear color coded wristbands and rapist don’t have their intentions tattooed on their foreheads so that argument is not only invalid but insensitive.
Women can’t tell friend from foe when it comes to men. We’re naturally wary of walking alone at night or just being the only women on a bus. The worst part, we have to be. The instilled wariness is what keeps some of us alive and sometimes it’s not enough.
Men need to learn that women aren’t afraid. We’re fighting for our lives.