It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that he ended the relationship that you thought was endgame. It’s not your fault that every “I love you” that came out of his mouth was probably a lie. It’s not your fault that his hope of you two being friends wasn’t real. It’s not your fault that you spent months building a life with him and he threw it all away because he got scared. It’s not your fault that you felt like you could give him everything. And it’s definitely not your fault that you did.

He has moved on and you need to, too. Even though he’s telling people that he doesn’t have a new girl, you know he does. You’re not an idiot. I know you’ve been trying to move on, but you’re trying in the wrong ways. Random guys at parties only make you feel better for a few minutes. Your Tinder dates aren’t the kind of guys that you see yourself with, and you know it. You know the ones you’re giving your time to aren’t worth it. You’re so hung up on your heartbreak that you’re setting yourself up for failure because you don’t want to feel so much hurt ever again. But a new guy isn’t going to heal you. The only things that can heal you are time and the love you have for yourself.

No guy is your ticket out of this hell you’re in. You felt too much in those months for the “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new” theory to be true. You had your rebound, but he only dulled the pain for a little while. When that relationship didn’t work, you tried to pursue someone you saw potential in, but he ended up not being what you thought he was. And that’s okay. You don’t need any more men. You don’t need to date around because you feel like you have something to prove to him and to yourself. You don’t need to try and distract yourself from your feelings anymore. You need to delete the dating apps, dig into a 6-pack (or open a new bottle of wine), put on some crazy reality tv, and let yourself feel.

You need to know that he’s not okay either. Not really. No matter how happy of a face he puts on, he knows that he hurt you. He knows that you feel like shit because of him. He knows he broke every promise he made to you. He knows that he fucked up. But he doesn’t want to acknowledge any of it. So, he’s distracting himself, too. He ignores your requests for closure because there is no way that he can look you in the eye and not have everything he has ever felt for you come rushing back. There is no way he can look you in the eye and not accept how much of an asshole he is.

He knows he’s getting to you. He knew you were going to find out that he tried to get one of your best friends to come over to his apartment. He’s not that much of an idiot. He wants to hurt you to make himself feel better about everything. But you must stop retaliating and just let him win whatever war he’s trying to start. He’s not worth it. Take yourself out of the fight and go live your life.

Live your life. Have more fun without him than you ever had with him. Make new memories with new people, and stop focusing on the memories you have with him.

You can’t try to get him to give you that closure anymore. It’s not going to happen. He doesn’t care enough about you or the time you spent together to give you the respect you deserve. So, stop letting him dictate how you feel. He’s not worth it. He’s not worth any of it.

I know you still love him. Even though you’ve told yourself over and over that you don’t, even though you’ve told the world you that don’t, you still love him. The only way you’ll really be able to move on is if you let yourself accept that. You’ll still love him for a while. But that love will eventually fade.

It’s time to love yourself now.

He left you feeling so down. He left you to blame yourself for everything. He made you feel worthless. But you are not. You are EVERYTHING. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You are a great friend. You are a great daughter. You are worth more than he will ever know because he gave you up.

Revel in that.

Look in the mirror every day and say, “I’ve got this.” Study hard, work your ass off, and stop worrying about someone who isn’t worrying about you.

I know it hurts, and I know it really sucks. But moving on will get easier every day. You just have to acknowledge your feelings and work through them.

Cry if you need to. Throw things. Go outside and scream at the top of your lungs. Let your emotions out. You won’t be able to move on if you continue to be in a state of denial.

Breathe and let yourself be happy. You deserve it. You deserve it more than you know.

You’ve got this,

The girl in the mirror