The Girl from Ipanema, Pt. I

The Girl from Ipanema, Pt. I

A prelude to a strange trip into another world

I’m still not sure why the girl behind the counter at that dingy pizza place affected me so much.

It was one o’clock in the morning and the place was a raucous mess. Alcohol had raised the volume of conversation to a cacophonous degree. I ventured to imagine the patrons were debating salient topics like the global economy or healthcare or race relations, things of at least perceived substance. Of course, I knew better, I was surrounded by drunken bluster and emotion being poorly quieted by greasy food, a sober minority amongst the overwhelming mass of the oncoming weekend. I wasn’t even there to get food. I was waiting for my friend, bleary-eyed and freshly off work, to pick up his order. I was tacked on, an accessory. An object with no real necessity in its placement.

Some rock song was blaring from the speaker overhead, but the heavy instrumentation and poor sound quality meshed with the incessant conversations turned it into an indecipherable audio soup. The speaker looked like something you might find next to an old computer desktop from the late 1990s, a cheap off-white plastic shell that had yellowed with age. It likely never sounded all that great to begin with.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, my hands dug deep into my pockets. Lint, two cigarettes, a quarter and a pair of keys in the left pocket. A dented and scratched flip lighter in the right. I usually bought men’s jeans just for the actual pocket space. If I hadn’t left my cell phone behind, maybe I could have played solitaire or skimmed through articles, promising myself to give them a proper read later only to never look at them again. I was standing off to the side as my friend had queued up behind three people. His impatience prevalent in his listless stance and tendency to run his fingers through his short, curly hair. I tried to count the number of times he raked his fingers over his head but quickly grew tired of the mental exercise.

With nothing much else to occupy me, I glanced towards the counter. It was a pure clutter of menus, receipts, phones and computers, but I found myself looking past all that. She was beautiful. Her hair was short and brown with the most subtle of curvature, the slightest suggestion of curls as if someone had tried to draw a straight line, but their pen had swayed gently back and forth. Her face was pale, almost ghostly white, with soft features. She reminded me of that song “The Girl from Ipanema” though I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. She wasn’t tall or tan, though she was young, and she was certainly lovely. There was something almost too gentle about her face, as if through physical presence alone she were enticing a lover to drift into comfortable sleep pressed close to her body, only to consume their soul in the night. Not like I even have a soul left to be eaten, I thought.


I was in Grade 10 when my soul was eaten. I was young and unbearably naïve. My hair was still long, just past my shoulders, and my face was forgettable enough to be drowned in that sea of dirty blonde bedhead. Junior High awkwardness gave way to High School awkwardness, and no amount of teenage vanity could save me from my seemingly eternal position as the loner. There were a few guys who would bum smokes off of me, and a few friends I had in various classes, but for the most part, I trudged along at the periphery of everyone else’s vision. I was comfortable enough with my routine, mundane existence. Well, that is, until he happened.

“Hey, you ready?” My friend’s voice cut through the haze.

I blinked, startled by the sudden interruption. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, must have zoned out a little.”

“A little?” He asked. He lifted his pizza box and nodded towards the door.

I followed him out, stealing one last glance at the girl behind the counter. The Girl from Ipanema. She was busy taking orders and flitting to and fro. It almost looked like a performance, like she was some sort of otherworldly pixie visiting the earth just to dance in the most absurd, unexpected places. Perhaps tomorrow night she would waltz through a McDonalds, the next day belly dance through a laundromat or maybe even salsa through a post office.

“You look like somebody just gave you ‘the talk’ for the first time,” my friend said as we walked down the sidewalk. He popped open the pizza box midstep to inspect his purchase. After a moment of scrutiny, he nodded, satisfied, and closed it back up. If I had done that while walking I probably would have ended up on the ground with my face buried in cheese and sauce. Only wayward drunks and the occasional police officer were out and about at this point. The reflections of streetlights glimmered over small puddles in the pavement, still wet from a brief morning rain.

“Oh god, really? You’re kidding, right? Was it that bad?” I asked each question in rapid succession, maybe a bit too rapidly in retrospect.

“Yep. Blushing the whole time. You looked the colour of The Communist Manifesto.”

“Jesus Christ, was that a Fifty Shades of Grey reference?”

“Maybe,” he grinned.

“I fucking hate you, dude.” I pulled a cigarette from my pocket and lit it. I savoured the hearty click of the lighter snapping shut before taking a long, warm drag. You could still smell the rain in the air, it hung heavy and low over the city.

“So you’re creeping on the pizza girl, huh?” My friend asked. He gave my arm a soft nudge with his elbow.

“She was just cute was all,” I said, trying to shut him down. Though she wasn’t just cute. There was something strangely alluring about her, something otherworldly. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to have spoken to her, as absurd as that may sound.


He was handsome. He was cool. He was the opposite of everything I was. Yet somehow he ended up choosing me. Of all the people in that godforsaken high school, it was me.

I suppose looking back at it now it just had to have been me. Lonely and quiet and feigning intellectualism. No dedicated group of friends to watch my back. I was too easy of a target for his affections.

I still remember the feeling of the breath catching in my throat, my body quivering as lust and childish romance overtook logic. I guess can only blame myself really.

He wanted a doll. I gave him a doll.


We waved goodbye. He scurried off into his dorm eagerly as I stomped out my cigarette on the sidewalk. I paused for a moment, taking a deep gulp of the cool, moist air into my lungs. My chest rose. I exhaled and relaxed my shoulders. My chest fell. I turned to head down the street back towards my apartment. By this point, it was almost two o’clock in the morning and the city was dead quiet. It had been eerie the first time I went for a walk this late, early my freshman year, but by this point, it felt entirely commonplace.

I took my time walking back. There was nothing for me in my room except a quiet, boxed in place for me to sit around and think too much as I tried to sleep. At least walking gave me something physical to focus on, something to do besides lazing about sleeplessly in bed. Why had that girl affected me so much? What was it about her that had demanded my attention? And why now of all times was I lamenting my lack of a soul? It hadn’t bothered me much before. In fact, I seemed to carry on decently enough without one.



End Pt. I

Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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Two Inspiring Movies Everyone Should See

Movies that take you on an emotional roller coaster.

I have always loved watching movies, especially ones with inspiring and emotional storylines. I get very invested and intrigued (maybe a little too much), but I love having that whirlwind of emotions throughout the entire movie.

Recently, I got the opportunity to see two amazing movies that I think are very important and had a huge effect on me. The films were “Lady Bird” and “Call Me by Your Name”. Both of these films came out in 2017 so they are fairly new. They are making a huge impact and receiving a lot of deserved recognition.

“Lady Bird” has such a special storyline. It follows the relationship between a mother and daughter in such a realistic way. As many girls know, a relationship with a mother is not always an easy one and the film really captures that frustration.

It follows the life of a young girl that is about to leave to go to college. So many things change for girls during this time and there are so many emotional challenges and obstacles. I absolutely love how this film displays this situation and many relationships in a very graphic and honest way. I think it is so important for young girls to watch this film and channel all those feelings. It is incredibly relatable and it reminds girls to be courageous.

“Call Me by Your Name” is seriously one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. It is a love story, which we have seen is countless movies, but this film displays a relationship in such a unique and beautiful way.

The best thing about this movie is that it is awkward at some points and maybe even a little uncomfortable. I admire this because love and relationships aren’t always magical and perfect. It expresses a type of love that is so unapologetic and pure. I could watch it over and over and still have the same inspiring feeling at the end. If you are a fan of emotional love stories or small independent films watch this movie. You will not regret it.

Cover Image Credit: Connor Limbocker

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A Tale of Two Corey's Part 3

Just when you thought it was over...Again

Here we are once again on the same topic. As I have previously said, this story will always remain unfinished no matter how much information gets out, the "Truth" or how things will be finished.

If you are unfamiliar with this whole thing, I would suggest reading part one and two but I will do a little quick refresher. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were two of the biggest teen idols of the 80's. Their stardom was short lived due to them both being sexually abused at a young age as well as heavy drug use.

In my previous articles, I have clearly shown what side I am on and that is Haim's. Feldman has given me enough reason dislike everything he stands for and the way he treats his best friend. Like every good story, the plot keeps getting thicker and worse with every word that falls from his mouth.

If you were lucky enough to catch the movie, you saw the things it showed. On the Lifetime Channel, they aired a movie appropriately titled "A Tale of Two Corey's" (Maybe he read my articles) and was based on the 2013 book that Corey F. has written about his life. It was about play by play of course minus many little things here and there. It, of course, did Feldman justice but did it do Haim's? Of course not.

Everything that he says is becoming a big huge problem not only with fans or "haters" as he calls them but from Corey H.'s friends and family as well. He claims he is doing it for his former friend but I've never watched someone throw them under the bus as much as he has.

At one point in the movie, it had depicted a scene that he claims happened when they were teenagers that I cannot wrap my head around. I've spoken about it once but I NEED to bring it back up. When they were fifteen, Corey F. thought it was best to get Corey H. off his back by calling a guy who is twice his age to deal with the issue.

Now no one seems to see that it is a major problem considering that Haim had been raped by an older man a little while before. What "Best Friend" calls a man who can easily take advantage...No one including Corey F. himself sees that it is an issue. I can't be the only one, right?

The Lifetime movie had proved something I have been saying since I started this entire thing. Corey Feldman does not take responsibility for his actions in his friends demise and does not show any remorse or regret. Unfortunately we only get his side of the story since Corey H. has passed away back in 2013 due to pneumonia.

Even in the movie they had justified what I said which would backfire on Feldman. They had him as a teen yelling at Haim for taking movie roles and being the better Corey. I have been saying that he was jealous and many others can completely agree with it. He see's no wrong doing in his actions of his best friend being raped and he seems to turn the story around on everyone else.

Watching closely to the movie, they show Corey F. in more of a sympathy sort of way making him look like the innocent one of the two. Most of the drug use portrayed was done by Corey H. I know that he had struggled his entire life with addiction but I couldn't help but notice that difference. The picture depicted him as more of a saint who got sober while the other was portrayed as a problem to everyone.

After my first two articles, I had received two messages from two different women thanking me fro writing them. They are both friends with Corey H's. friends and personally know his Mother Judy who is also grateful me for these.I wanted people to read these and understand why this truth needs to be spoken.

If you are wondering why I back Corey Haim so much is due to various reasons. He is not here to defend himself on any allegation that is out there. He is not able to speak up against Corey Feldman and the things that he puts on him. Corey is not just a best friend or son or brother. Corey Haim is a man who had gotten unfairly treated in life and in death.

You've probably seen all of the interviews that Corey F. has been giving lately and boy, you were in for a treat after the movie if you caught it. Once again, the things he speaks of makes not any sense and I want to bring up one thing he said.

Weeks before Haim's passing, they had gotten a chance to hang out but not in the way I thought. Feldman had stated that Corey H. told him, "'If something happens to me or should I die before you, promise me that my story will be told.'" Now let me explain why I am confused on this.

These two had not spoken to each other in three years and out of the blue he is going to tell him that? Another thing is that Corey H. was not ready to face his demons himself so why would he want someone else to? I get that he would no longer be with us at that point but I'm not understanding the logic. Besides that, he was very, very close to his his Mother so why not have her instead of the guy you have had a rocky relationship with for the last ten years?

Where is this story going now? Well here is yet again another issue I have. Corey Feldman wants to make a movie about his book...Sound familiar? Yeah, I just watched it on Lifetime. Problem is, he wants it to be detailed and graphic. I'm sorry but I wouldn't want to watch a movie depicting sexual assault on a child like the way he wants to show it.

But before he makes it though he needs money, lots of it. He already had two donation pages raising at least $300,000 and guess what he's doing now? Yep, you guessed it, donation page 3 and wanting to raise a million dollars.

Every interview he does he brings it up and asks or shall I says begs for a donation. I'm not kidding, check out his Facebook or Twitter, he is constantly asking. I'm sorry but you just had a movie made (In which he got money for) which is going to be the same exact thing but graphic.

He had also Tweeted that if he doesn't see a rise in numbers on the donation page, he is going to shut it down because he's not getting any money. *Shakes head*, if that doesn't sound like a cash grab, I don't know what does.

Moving forward, will there be a part 4? I'm sure in time there will be one but for now I will still be following this story closely and the next nonsense that happens.

But just remember Corey, jealousy is an ugly thing and will backfire on you in no time.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.sheknows.com

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