My biggest weakness is that I care too much. I am trying to embrace it as more of a gift instead of a weakness. I'm afraid of disappointing people, so if you ask me to do something I will usually say yes. I will push things that are important to me aside to do something for someone else. Usually, I do these things for people that will not return the favor. Maybe that is why I should look at it as a gift though because I am able to give without receiving.
I have a lot going on for someone who is 21. I am constantly busy. My planner is full of tasks that I can barely complete. I get it done, but just barely. People don't understand this. My friends, my family and acquaintances sometimes push me too far and expect so much out of me. I don't want to let them down but sometimes somethings gotta give.
I am always the one left at 10 PM contemplating what I did wrong in a friendship. A friendship that I thought would and should last a lifetime. I feel unappreciated and left behind. I mean I always feel alone, but this is a friend that I can usually reach out to in order to not feel this way. Something that I don knows how to deal with or bring up because I care about their feelings.
I am alone most of the time. In my thoughts and studies. I have friends, but I don't really hang out with them. The friends I have right now are in school with me and they are wonderful, smart people but they are just as busy as I am so I let them be. I respect that.
I think that's the thing is that I respect everyone. Even those who treat me bad and hurt me, I still respect them. Honestly, what would Jesus do?! The Jesus I know would never hold a grudge or turn his back on a brother in need, even if the brother betrayed him. Peter denied he knew Jesus three times, and Jesus still showed him compassion and love.
I always think about this when I feel alone and unappreciated. I should never expect things in return when this is my gift the Lord has blessed me with. Sometimes it's a hard gift to deal with when you have so much going on in your life that you just want to confide in a friend and you can't. It's hard when someone turns out to not be who you thought they were....While you sit there thinking to yourself 'why did you leave me behind?'.
I care a lot and overthink everything. That's why when someone asks me to do something I will usually do it. I over analyze the saying "treat others how you want to be treated" and I'm left with the "hey when do I get treated that way, yes me I'm over here" feeling. When I'm nice and try to give people my all I sometimes feel taken advantage of.
In the end, I'll keep on being a giver, a peacemaker and a friend. Even to those who don't deserve my friendship. This is just the person I am, it's who God made me to be. I don't care about getting even. I just care.
