Isn't it fun when God's just like, "Hey, I need to interject here for a sec and tell you something you don't want to hear, but need to." That's basically been my whole weekend and it's been hard, but refreshing. I've been in a sort of spiritual desert for a few months now, not quite sure what's wrong or when it happened, but lately, I've been feeling dry. More lately, I've been feeling anxious. I guess I would call myself a worry wart because I tend to get anxious real quick and stay that way for a while. I think this weekend He finally had had enough and decided to shake me up a bit and remind me why worrying is really, really stupid.

He came in at the right time. Through the right people. I'd been sitting around the past couple of days wondering, pondering, thinking, worrying and it had been affecting my mood. I'm not sure if any other people find themselves in these worry slumps, but I do. Its all I think about. It takes up a majority of my emotional, physical, and spiritual energy to the point where I can be on the brink of tears for days on end.

Let me just say that I've been trying, fruitlessly, to find my way back to God again. I've been making a greater attempt to read my Bible, to spend some time digesting my devotions, attending spiritual direction (which, by the way is the best thing ever), and making conscious decisions to include Him more into my day. The only problem was that my inclusions of Him were to ask Him to do stuff for me. To have Him fit into my agenda, not the other way around. I was trying desperately to fit Him into what I wanted, what I believed was best, and basically telling Him what to do. I wasn't being grateful, gracious, understanding, patient, or selfless. In a word, I was being selfish and thinking of what I wanted and what I thought was best for me. Because really, isn't that what God wants for us? To give us what is best for us? To show His goodness to us by giving us the best life possible?

Nope. I got shaken up pretty badly by those I care about and who care about me. They basically sat me down and told me straight blank that I was acting foolishly, immaturely, and that my view of God was wrong and I needed to change that.

Now, woah. Hold up. I accepted God when I was in fourth grade and so I think I have a pretty good idea of who He is. And now this person is telling me that I'm wrong? How? But isn't God good and wants what's best for us? I mean, why isn't He showing me His goodness and His purpose? Why isn't He revealing anything to me and why am I struggling?

My answer came the next morning when I attended church for the first time in months besides Christmas. I'd been making excuses that I was doing home church and that it was good for me, actually better, and also relying heavily on the fact that I really haven't found a solid home church here in Spokane yet. Anyways, we went back to the church I had originally found back in freshman year. And what was that sermon on? Anxiety, of course.

If you haven't read Matthew 6:19-34 yet, you really should cause it is life. Kind of literally. For me, this was breathing life back into my burdened and dry soul. I found peace -- actual peace -- that I'd been searching for for so long. The number one command in the Bible is to not fear. And how easily we forget that!

So, what did I learn? (These are all from what I heard and jotted down from Pastor Ryan's sermon).

1) Do not fear, so stop having an affair with it.

2) Where you invest your treasures, there your heart will be also. And where it is reveals our heart itself and directs it.

3) Your heart affects your whole life. We choose if we want to live in the light or the darkness.

4) Look at the birds and how they want for nothing. Look at what all He has already given to us. So, embrace your limitations and embrace God's sovereign care.

5) When we worry about tomorrow, we invite this burden into our lives that we were never able to carry in the first place, so when we finally ask God for help, He says "I know."

6) We can stress out all we want, but God is in control. He is the author of our story and when we try to take the pen from his hand, we do so at our own peril. So, consider His nature. Who is God, really? Look at His character and trust in the goodness of Him.

7) What we seek first should be God's kingdom. Focus on what you have today, right now, because our focus expands so be intentional about what it is that you're focusing on.

8) What is Jesus asking you to shift your focus to?

9) Fear is trusting that bad things are coming.

10) Faith is trusting that God is here today and forever.

When I look back over this list, I think, "wow, I am worried about nothing." It is futile to be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will come and He's already there. When I think about God, I say, "You are good. You are writing my story, and it is good, therefore, I have nothing to worry about."

The thing I think we forget is that God never called us to an easy life. Just because He is writing our story doesn't mean it won't come with struggles, it won't be void of pain, sorrow, sadness, anger, or fear (read Job - something I was also reminded and told to do this weekend). We will fear, but we have the peace that comes with knowing that He holds it all. He is Good, and He will be faithful to the end.