Whenever someone passes away a common phrase you tend to hear over and over again is “Don’t worry, the first year is the hardest but once this year passes it will begin to get easier.”

Coming from my own personal experience, I’m almost at the one-year mark and nothing has gotten any easier yet. For me, it has actually gotten harder. Although people tend to say as time goes on you learn how to cope and deal with things, it is still more time that has passed since you’ve seen the person you love and to be honest, that’s the worst part.

Initially, for me, I was in shock. I didn’t believe it really happened and I found myself constantly waiting for the text, the phone call, the FaceTime, the walk into my room or through the door, the yelling at me, everything. Nothing seemed real. That’s what made the first few months easier. Nothing settled in yet. In the beginning, so many people were coming around, there were so many things to get done that it was somewhat of a “distraction”. The pain really settled in a few months after his passing. Everything becomes real when holidays and birthdays start to come around.

If you have lost a parent I think we can all agree having that one empty chair is the worst part. Nothing seems right anymore. You miss the holiday traditions you miss everything.

What I have honestly learned this year is that it’s okay to feel sad. Don’t listen to the people who tell you that you should be over it or the people who say you shouldn’t feel the way you feel. You will heal at your own rate and you will grieve and feel miserable some days but over joyed on others. There is absolutely no way I can tell you why this happens but it’s true. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.

When life feels like it is crashing and the pain you’re feeling is absolutely unbearable you shouldn’t feel like you aren’t normal. You are. Some days are worse than others and that is perfectly okay. There is no rhyme or reason for the grieving process you just have to let yourself feel what you are feeling and do not question a thing.

Besides my very own personal feelings, I also found out a lot about my friends. What they say is true, you really do find out who your real friends are in your darkest times. Many of my closest friends backed away, many left, then others who I haven’t talked to in years came out of the blue and tried to speak to me. Rid yourself of the negativity. I learned to keep my circle small and to not trust so easily. The people who stick by your side will be the ones there for you through everything.

Always remember: Time doesn’t heal all wounds; you just learn to cope with everything better. Have faith in yourself.