You never forget their voices. The words they say. How they made you feel. Once it's happened, it plays in your head over and over. Every time you think of a choice. Every time it's quiet and alone. When you're with your friends and they make a small, offhand, joking comment. You get flashes. "Worthless. Nothing." You shake the memory away, hoping to just play it off. Most of the time, they just come in a flash. But sometimes, they last longer.

It happens sometimes when you don't know the person and they say those trigger words. And they don't have to be offensive to the rest of the world. Most of the time, they're ordinary words no one else thinks anything differently of. "Maybe you should try something else... You're standoff-ish. Little girl." The person saying it can mean them in the nicest terms, but for you, you're back to your abuser or bully. It's not your co-worker or classmate saying it; it's that person that brought you so far down. And you can't explain to the new person that said it, because you know they won't understand. It's not like you have physical scars; they can't see that they've hit a bruise inside your mind. It's not fair.

A lot of times you get those feelings and can't understand why. You think that it's just because they hurt you. You don't realize they ruined you just yet. You don't realize the effects. And when you do, weeks or decades down the road, you slowly realize the impact they've had on your life.

Your relationships you've had, and have, have been influenced by them. You expect to be treated like your abuser treated you. That your friends should put you down. That your significant other should be looking for better. That you should be the perfect thing they all want you to be, but they aren't even thinking that. But you can't get it out of your head.

And the worst part of being traumatized is you're so scared they'll show up once you've shaken them. Once you've started to get help, telling people, getting better, you're always scared they'll come back somehow. They'll show up and you'll find them. They'll pretend everything's fine, but it's not. You're not OK still. And they'll have no clue how much they've hurt you. You know that's your worst fear.

Even with that all, you're trying to get better. It's going to take a long time. You're going to have bad and good days. You're going to forget it's an uphill battle. But one day, you're going to realize that everything they did will be in the past. You're going to be able to hear those words and not cringe or want to hit someone. You'll be OK again. And that's why all the pain is worth it.