Welcome to Sex & the City: College Edition! While I could never match the quirky finesse and contemplative socialite attitude intertwined in the original "Sex & the City" column by the idyllic Miss Carrie Bradshaw, I sit here with a large cup of coffee rimmed with pink lipstick, (instead of a pack of Camel’s as fueled her writing) ready to revive her famed column. From the wide eyes of a single college girl trying to navigate the world of sex, love, relationships, hook-ups, and everything in between, things look a little different for me than they did for her. Yet, I can look to her for wisdom and inspiration with nostalgia for a decade passed. I am beyond excited to begin exploring this gigantic world around me, much like she did, in hopes of discovering what makes people tick, how sex plays a role in life, and what types of discussions young adults want to open up about sex. In an effort to modernize the content and its relevance, this column is for everyone. It is about everything related to sex and the modern culture surrounding it that is ever-prominent in our college lives. Most likely to be filled with more questions than answers, my hope is that maybe something written here will inspire a discussion, another question, or even a small musing about the lives we live as Colgate students in terms of sex and all that it encompasses.

So, our sex lives exist relative to our campus culture, which is quite different from the escapades and adventures Carrie detailed while living in Manhattan. Hamilton and Manhattan are two very different setting for the stories of sex and their respective societal attitudes towards it… obviously! So what is the sex culture on this campus? I am by no means an expert and certainly have lots to learn. So far the things that I’ve learned are fairly straightforward, or so they seem. The hookup culture is prevalent and popular, whether it is various one night stands, consistent pleasure pals, good friends with some lovely bedroom benefits, or that hottie you bumped into out on the town, hooking up is frequent, fun, and exciting, and it can happen anywhere. Then, it seems like there is the complete opposite situation: a committed relationship. Whether this relationship is long term, open, or exclusive, depends on the couple, but all of these factors nonetheless constitute a real relationship. Finally, there is the messy and hazy in between. Sometimes on this campus, one finds themselves in that mystical realm of being involved a “thing.” Something that is not an out in the open relationship, but something that definitely has more of an emotional foundation than a purely physical involvement. This situation can have multiple outcomes, but generally, from what I have seen thus far, this situation ends up looping to one of the other two types of relations being had: it develops into purely a hookup arrangement or becomes a relationship. On some occasions, a “thing” can just stay the way that it is and not turn into anything else, or it can fizzle out altogether. So while these relations all appear to me to be fairly basic, optional, and aligned with each individual’s wants and needs, I am left with the question:

What happened to dating?

Not steady relationships type dating. "Sex & the City" style dating! The kind of dating where two people seek out an activity to share where they can learn about each other and decide if their personalities are compatible and if there is enough sexual attraction between them to hit the sheets later or at some point in the future, should their intentions include sex. During a discussion of the pros, cons, and effect of Colgate hook up culture, I once heard a friend say something along the lines of “it is much harder to ask someone on a date here than it is to ask them up to your room for the night.” Now, it is not as if there is not a single soul on this campus who has ever been asked or has asked someone to go on a date, I myself have even been on one. One. I have been at this school for nearly 13 months and have been on a one singular date so far in my experience.

So then I pose the question of whether this lack of dates being done is a strange effect of the hookup culture, or is it caused by something larger? Does the Colgate population specifically just not have a desire for dates, or are they something our generation no longer seeks out? Furthermore, the types of activities classified as a date and the associated behaviors can vary widely from one individual to the next, but in this case, the dates I am referring to are not the Netflix and chill sort of meet-ups. Although those hangouts can be fun and casual, which seems fitting for the point in life which we are in, I feel a bit like dates are stigmatized here -- I mean grown-up dates, that involve going to an event, to dinner, going dancing, seeing a movie, taking a drive and having a picnic, things you see in the movies that then lead to the hot and heavy goodnight kiss on the doorstep or an invitation to come in… those types of dates! Perhaps I am too idealistic in thinking that those things can be a part of college life without meaning a huge commitment to another person.

I read a study over the summer that I came across on Facebook that Colgate produces some of the country’s most dateable alumni, and I am curious how this could be so when it seems there are very few dates being had here for practice before the big-leagues in the rest of the world. It is often said that our time here is not “real life,” and maybe dating comes with real life; I will not know until our time here is part of the past. But until then, I will consult Carrie Bradshaw and her fabulous friends while I continue to ponder the answers to a question that is nearly heartbreaking for anyone with a hint of romance left in their young souls:

Are dates going out of style?

xoxo- Abby