The Difference Between Infatuation and Love
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Relationships

The Difference Between Infatuation and Love

"Infatuation is believing that another person is perfect. In another sense, your mind has tricked you into believing that nothing that this person does, can repulse you, turn you away, or make you uninterested. It can happen in different ways, but the end result is all the same-it’s still not real love."

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The Difference Between Infatuation and Love
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As naive as I sound, I never realized there was a difference. Maybe I didn't want to believe there actually was because I was so content to holding onto something unrealistic. I've been infatuated with three men, but I've only ever loved one. The first two led me to my last one, and the whole process was truly eye-opening for me. I learned there was a rightful difference between the two words.

Infatuation

and

Love

They both do things to your mind that nothing else is capable of doing, but both can be deceiving if not understood properly.

Everyone has their own definition of love. It's cliche, but it holds so much truth. My love is different from yours. But our infatuations? It's simple really. They are all the same.

Let me tell you more about the two men I was infatuated with because I believe it defines the word all on its own. One man was successful, kind, loving, and pure. The other was strong, domineering, insightful, and beautiful. I thought I loved both of these men, and I convinced myself for the longest time that that held some truth. I was in love with the idea of them, yes, that part I will admit. Never once did I allow nor give myself the time to point out their flaws, and accept them. I was too busy trying to mold into someone that they would be infatuated with as well, that I lost site of who I really was.

It seems so simple really. To read this over and immediately distinguish the difference between the two, but trying to tell someone that’s infatuated with another soul that they’re not actually in love, is like trying to tell a tiger not to eat people. It makes no sense in their mind, and it’s not how we work. As people, we side with feeling-not logic. I felt with my heart and not my mind. It’s danger and excitement all at once, and even talking about it now, I feel the knots form in my stomach. I would’ve done anything I could to ensure that feeling never went away.

It was like a drug to me. Some felt pity, but I felt high. I saw nothing wrong in my actions, and I didn’t want anyone else to find fault in them either. Why stop something that made me finally feel alive?

Infatuation is believing that another person is perfect. In another sense, your mind has tricked you into believing that nothing that this person does, can repulse you, turn you away, or make you uninterested. It can happen in different ways, but the end result is all the same-it’s still not real love.

My first man could do anything in my eyes. He could make any friend, get any promotion, travel to where ever his heart desires, and there were ultimately no restrictions with what he could do in life. And I adored him for it. He inspired me, and still to this day does. In the three and a half years we have spent apart, I’ve allowed my mind to do some revisiting and separate the differences between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy one.

By giving myself the opportunity to say:
-he could not make EVERY friend
-he could not get ANY promotion.
-he was NOT perfect.
I realized my infatuation was with what I thought he could do, and not what he was actually capable of.

Then I made myself list reasons to how I couldn’t possibly love this man.
Have you ever fought to the point of exhaustion? Because lets face it, most couples experience this at some point.
Has he seen you hunched over the toilet from one too many drinks?
Has he seen you at your very lowest and managed to look past it?
Did you really know enough about him to say you love him? Or do you just really want him to be the person you love?

I’m not saying I couldn't have loved this man with more time and growth, but I am saying that I didn't love this man because I simply was ignorant to the fact infatuation wasn’t love.

The second man was a completely different mind trick. He was a gorgeous, strong willed, masculine man who knew what he wanted and how to get it. I was still fragile from coming off of an intense high with the first, so mentally, I didn’t give my mind any time to rebuild, that was my first mistake.

I was going into such a similar trap, and with as unhealthy as it was, it was even more of a rush the second time and I had no intentions of seeing anything other than what i wanted to; him.

The first one made me question how I’d be as a wife, but this second one made me question what I could be as a lover.

This was foreign to me. I didn’t know how to be either, so I learned what I could from what they were both willing to teach me, and though I may not have showed excitement towards them, my mind was reeling from all I was learning. I distracted my mind at any opportunity I could to stay infatuated for as long as I could with both of them.

There were things I admired about the second man-those thoughts were not based upon my idealistic vision of him, but rather his character, and I’m glad I was able to Identify that. There are flaws I see from both of them now, which lets me know I’ve learned the difference between the two words, and that alone speaks volumes to my growth as a person.

The heart, mind, and body are three dangerous but simply incredible things. The first man controlled my heart, the second, my body, and the third, let me learn through my mind to come to terms with the second two. In a healthy world, we feel all three of these things with the right person. It may take time to find that, but experiences like this are needed to identify the difference.

One key weapon that these two held, was sex.

One showed me sex through care and patience, the other extreme and rough. Two different scenarios, two different men, two different strategies, but the same infatuation. It all stems from how you view someone, and when you put them up on this pedestal that not many others are capable of reaching-including yourself, it takes away from everything you envisioned for yourself and those relationships.

They both left me. And the aftermath was as destructive as you’d think. I questioned my body and what it was capable of. I questioned my mind and If I’d always be so naive. And I questioned my heart, and wondered if I’d ever find “love” again. It actually took me recognizing real love for what it is— *inset man 3* to understand what infatuation is not. Through that I learned the value of my mind and what it was capable of learning. I felt with my heart but never let it guide me through difficult decisions.. and I experienced different things with my body. I allowed it to grow in strength, and experimented with simple pleasures that I once was hesitant on trying. I learned who I was as a person and my self worth, all by recognizing the difference between these two simple, but extremely complex, words.

I hope for everyone’s sake, that you all learn too.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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