Family used to have no meaning to her. But some time in her early twenties, when a regular check-up led to some tests that told her she’d never be able to have kids, suddenly a family seemed important. So went the next six or seven years, a blur of papers, interviews, home visits, breakdowns, rejections, and dozens of babies she couldn’t adopt. They haunted her dreams, those faces she couldn’t hold, or love, or make into a family of her own.

It was an issue that seemed to come up every time she tried, but they always said there were other reasons. Still, Meredith couldn’t help but blame the emptiness in her life on the lack of a man. She’d had relationships - some good, mostly bad, but it was hard to tell someone you had just started seeing about the life you were already trying to build. To be honest, most of them never found out she was trying to adopt. She rarely let it get that far.

Then came a point when she knew she was going to have to change some things in her life. Something was going to have to give.

“Meredith!”

Even today, to Meredith, that voice still sounds like it belongs to a 12-year-old. She would never tell Amy this, though. Knowing her, she wouldn’t talk to her mom for a week. At 26, Amy might as well be 35.

“I’m still asleep!” she calls back, knowing it won’t matter if she answers or not. Moments later there’s a commotion at her bedroom door. Her oldest and her youngest daughters are trying to push through the door.

“Amy, go! I was here first!” Jane wraps both arms around her sister and tries to pull her back, but Amy has hold of the doorframe.

“Dude, you live here. You’re here all the time.”

“And? Move!”

Meredith is watching from her bed, amused.Those two have always butt heads, from the day Jane came to live with them. For the first three weeks Jane wouldn’t do anything, from taking a bath to eating, unless Amy was there. Meredith figured it was a great start to a close relationship.

Being the youngest of four sisters, Jane pulls a quick one by pinching the back of Amy’s arm.

“God damn it, Jane!” she yells, as Jane runs for the bed, propelling herself through the air, and landing beside Meredith.

“Base!”

Meredith can’t help but laugh. She can’t count how many times over the years she had been “base” when her girls fought. Amy is scowling from the doorway. Even at 26 and 16, base still meant base.

“Can I help you?” Meredith asks, trying not to smile at Jane, who is squirming closer to the closer Amy gets to the bed.

“No, I’m good,” Jane answers, smirking.

“Um, well wasn’t there something just so important that you needed to tell me?”

“There was, yes.” Jane turns to Meredith. “Good morning.”

Now Meredith laughs. Jane screams when Amy jumps on her, tickling her without relent.

“You are such a brat.” Amy finally stops, pushing Jane towards Meredith, who wraps her in a hug.

“What’s up?” she gives her attention to Amy.

Suddenly Amy is quiet. For a slight second, Meredith feels her stomach tighten. If any of her kids had their life together, it was Amy. This sudden hesitation about something that seemed so important a second ago wasn’t a good sign.

“Amy?”

“So, Austin and I have been talking, and for a really long time…”

“About?”

Silently, Amy holds her left hand up.

“No way,” Jane says, and she and Meredith both sit up. Amy watches, waiting for Meredith’s reaction. When she still doesn’t say anything, Amy asks, “Are you mad?” She suddenly looks like she’s going to cry.

“Mad? No, baby, I’m not mad.” She pulls Amy to her. “Of course I’m not mad. I’m so happy. Really.” She pulls back to look at Amy’s face. “I just can’t believe it.” Now they’re both crying. “If this is what you want, and it makes you happy, then I’m happy.”

“I am,” is all Amy can say.

Jane breaks the moment when she grabs Amy’s hand. “Wow, Amy. That thing is huge.”

The smile on Amy’s face doesn’t lie.

“Way to go, sis,” Jane tells her, getting off the bed. She leaves without another word, Amy looking after her, wondering.

“Have you seen Olivia and Sarah?”

“Not yet. I wanted to tell you first, and then tell them tonight. But now that big mouth knows, I’m sure I won’t have to.” Amy sighs, getting up. “I gotta get to work. I just wanted to stop by and tell you my news.”

“Hey,” Meredith says, and Amy turns around. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mom.”

The house is unusually quiet after Jane leaves for school, still not talking. It wasn’t often that Meredith did this out of sadness, but when she pulls out the photo album with the “A” embroidered on it, suddenly she is hit by the news from this morning. She pulled these photo albums out a lot, a reminder of the four blessings she had. And looking through Amy’s album, she sees how far they’ve all come.

There were some baby pictures in there, but not enough for Meredith. But from the age of twelve and on, there were more than enough pictures. Amy probably had more pictures from her first year than the others did in their albums. Amy was her first.

It was out of the blue, the day she found out about Amy, who was the good that had come out of something bad. One of Meredith’s coworkers had been in and out of rehab for years. And although Meredith hadn’t been particularly close to her, she had helped her out several times over the years, especially when it came to her daughter.

Then came the time when Amy had called her in a panic late one night. By the time Meredith showed up, Amy had no one left but Meredith. She took Amy home that night, before she could see her mother removed from the apartment, covered by a sheet.

Amy had stayed with her from that day on. Sometime over the years, in the very few serious conversations Meredith had with Amy’s mother, she’d only mentioned once that she had been trying for years to adopt. And it struck her in various ways that Amy’s drug addicted mother had left Meredith her legal guardian.

Raising a twelve-year-old hadn’t been too hard. Mostly it had to do with being a first-time mother. Meredith hardly had the time to get used to it, though, before the next one came along.

Amy loved her work. Even though it could be hard, emotionally, she loved every second of it. The only setback to being a therapist, though, is that you often end up taking your work home with you. This wasn’t a problem for Amy until recently.

Amy actually owed her entire career to Jane. When she was in high school, during career week, Amy spent the entire time making lists of which job would be the best. At the time, Jane was only six-years-old, and she had been living with them for about six months. She wasn’t as attached to Amy anymore, but she was still a shadow Amy often tripped over. One late night, when Amy was up doing unnecessary homework, Jane showed up beside her bed.

“It’s late, Shadow.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Go tell Meredith.”

“I want you.”

“I’m busy. Go wake Olivia or Sarah.”

Jane said nothing, just kept staring at her. Amy knew it was no use, and besides, the kid had a face that belonged on tv.

“Fine.” Amy said, keeping her eyes on her papers as Jane climbed in.

“Do you know what you’re gonna be?”

“What?” Amy asked absentmindedly.

“When you grow up.” Jane finished.

“Oh…uh, no.”

Jane was silent as she watched Amy. “I know.” she said quietly, so that Amy looked at her. Her innocent little face was serious. “You’re gonna be like Mr. Thomas.”

Amy was confused. Mr. Thomas was the psychiatrist Meredith took Jane to see twice a week.

“What?”

“Well, I know I have to talk to Mr. Thomas, and he helps me, but I like talking to you better. You’re gooder at it.”

Amy didn’t bother correcting her. Suddenly she was realizing the difference she was making in Jane’s life – and the difference Meredith had made in her own.

“You know what, Shadow? That sounds perfect.”

And it had been, until now. Now, when Amy had things to figure out that she hadn’t seen through her teenage eyes. Dreams back then seemed flawless.

But she loves it all. Her family, her job, her life…and now, her fiancé. It makes her smile, and suddenly the day doesn’t seem as bad.