The Conversations No One Wants to Have
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Health and Wellness

The Conversations No One Wants to Have

Going in Depth with Netflix's "13 Reasons Why" and "To The Bone."

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The Conversations No One Wants to Have
Talawanda School District

Ever since its release on March 31 of this year, one of Netflix’s hit new series “13 Reasons Why” has sparked a lot of controversies. For those of you who don’t know, “13 Reasons Why” is a TV series based on Jay Asher’s novel of the same name which tells the story of a young high school girl—Hannah Baker—who commits suicide, leaving behind thirteen cassette tapes explaining why she decided to take her own life. Ever since the series was released, many people—including parents and school faculty—have voiced their concern, saying the show “romanticizes” suicide, arguing Baker’s choice to leave the tapes behind for her bullies to hear fulfills a type of “revenge fantasy.” And just this past Friday, Netflix has released another very controversial movie entitled “To The Bone,” a semi-autobiographical story of Marti Noxon’s—the movie’s writer—own struggles with anorexia nervosa. In concerns to this particular film, people worry it glamorizes eating disorders especially with interviewers having learned the film’s main star, Lily Collins, who also suffered from anorexia had lost a tremendous amount of weight for the film. However, looking at these Netflix Originals as someone who has suffered and fortunately recovered from both anorexia and depression, I have to agree with the population who support both the show and the movie by saying they both start important conversations. Conversations that could ultimately save someone’s life.

I remember when I first started watching “13 Reasons Why”: I was on a four-hour bus trip to New York City for the weekend with friends and I had been dying for the series release. As a huge fan of the book, I knew going in what the show would be like but I didn’t expect it to be as good. I’m a big believer in reading the book before the movie/TV show because it’s always better. In this particular case though, I thought the book and the show were evenly matched. Similar to the way Asher wrote the novel, the show flipped back and forth between times: the replaying of Baker’s tapes and going back to before she ended her life to the reaction of Clay Jensen—one of the other main protagonists—as he listens to the tapes and tries to live in a world without Baker, his high school crush. Though I still think the series was just as good as the book, the writers made some pretty significant changes which, in my opinion, added to the plot: we get to see Jensen’s relationship with each of the thirteen people who were included on the tapes and we get to see more of them as people, we actually see the parents and get a bit of detail on them and how they’re dealing with the death of their daughter as well as learning they are suing the school, and a scene is included showing how Baker killed herself. The latter is one of the main reasons people were up in arms about the series, claiming the grueling scene provides a sort of tutorial to suicide. Other critics have complained there weren’t enough trigger warnings in each episode for people who struggle with depression and survivors of sexual assault when a senior at Baker and Jensen’s school—Bryce Walker—rapes Baker at a party. And other believe the series sends a bad message to its targeted teenage/young adult audience, describing how TV shows such as this have the potential of unintentionally raising suicide rates. People like Mark Henick of CNN argue the show while bringing up a serious issue misses the point and does more harm than good.

While some of these critics have valid points and have the support of many reputable mental health organizations who agree with them, I feel a lot of other people have misjudged the show. To those who think the show “romanticizes” suicide or that Baker’s decision was rash and a bad message for young people, I feel I have to step in to shine a different light on it. One of the biggest themes in the show and book is something called the butterfly effect. Baker opens one of her tapes with the definition of this theory in the third episode, “Tape 2, Side A”:

You’ve heard of the butterfly effect, right? That if a butterfly flaps its wings at just the right time and just the right place, it can cause a hurricane thousands of miles away. […] It’s chaos theory, but, see, chaos theory isn’t exactly about chaos. It’s about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything. (13 Reasons Why)

This is the main basis of Baker’s tapes: that one small, seemingly insignificant moment has the power to screw everything up. For Baker, that moment happened when a former friend of hers Alex Standall dubs Baker to have “the best ass” at their high school. That was Baker’s butterfly effect. From that moment on, everything that had to do with Baker’s downfall started from the list Standall created. Baker obviously never thought she would commit suicide, but because of the rumors spread about her and all that happened to her as her sophomore year came to a close, she was left with no friends, no one she could turn to. Being in a place like that without anyone to talk to about your feelings sometimes can result in making an unfortunate decision. As the series comes to a close, it becomes clear Baker could’ve been pulled out of that place if someone had stepped in to help her.

In concerns of triggers, in my opinion, Netflix very clearly puts them in beginning of each episode which has what would be considered a triggering scene or episode. To be quite honest, there are triggers in a lot of media nowadays but as long as they are handled correctly, as Netflix does, I don’t believe there is much up for debate. The series in and of itself is extremely triggering, don’t get me wrong, but viewers know beforehand by looking up the title that it tells the story of a young girl who commits suicide.

Personally, despite all the negative feedback “13 Reasons Why” had received, I still stand behind my argument that it teaches an important lesson: be kind, because you never know the damage your actions can have. And I know plenty of other people who are fans of the books and the show who agree. I’m not saying the message is important enough to present in any class: it’s definitely not appropriate in that setting. But I am saying it raises an important conversation, one that not many young people talk about enough. It’s not just a show about suicide and rape; it also delves deeply into the effects of bullying. If Baker hadn’t been bullied or even had a friend she could turn to, I can guarantee the ending would’ve turned out differently. As someone who has been to that dark and scary place, having someone to talk to and express your feelings to—whether it be a parent or friend—can make all the difference.

But despite all the issues surrounding “13 Reasons Why” Netflix has gone and released another movie called “To The Bone” which has sparked even more controversy. “To The Bone” was aired last Friday and tells the story of a twenty-year-old named Ellen who struggles with anorexia nervosa. In the beginning of the film, the audience is made aware Ellen has been put in and pulled out of many programs to try and recover but, because of her very difficult personality, she usually just winds up returning home with her father, step-mother, and step-sister. Throughout the movie, we watch as Ellen is admitted into another in-house program that is supposed to be different from every other one she’s been to. There, we see her lose more weight instead of gaining and we see the rest of the patients who struggle with not just anorexia but binging and bulimia.

One of the biggest problems critics have raised even before the movie aired was the concern for the main star Lily Collins, who talked about how she had to lose a considerable amount of weight for the role. Having dug deeper into this, Collins mentioned how she lost the weight under the supervision of a nutritionist to ensure her health. However, a lot of people are still angry about Collins losing the weight because she also spoke of having dealt with the illness in her past. Though I do understand people’s concern for Collins, I have to admit some of it is a bit exaggerated. Collins clearly had complete control over the situation while she was filming the movie and after “To The Bone” was released, people can clearly see she has gained the weight back. In fact, it’s quite common in Hollywood for actors and actresses to have to lose or gain weight for desired parts.

Another issue that has been raised since the film’s release is whether or not the story is “accurate” enough. A writer for Independent, Megan Nolan, talked about how she believes the film doesn’t encapsulate the entirety of just how debilitating anorexia can be. Nolan draws from her own experience with the disorder and said it “replaced every other feeling I had and wished to avoid.” She bashes the film for seemingly only focusing on the “physical” aspect of the illness. I, however, completely disagree with Nolan. One of the things that makes “To The Bone” so graphic is being able to see Ellen’s emaciated body as she gets weighed every week at the in-home program. As Nolan did put it, anorexia isn’t just the extreme weight loss, it’s also the emptiness one feels when in the grips of the illness. But for those who argue the movie doesn’t have the emotional aspect, I’d like to point out two of the most difficult scenes.

The first part of the movie is when Ellen and her new doctor—William Beckham—invites her family to a session. Everyone comes in: her stepmother, Susan, her stepsister, Kelly, her mother, Judy, and her mother’s girlfriend. The only person who doesn’t show up is her father who her step-mother says is working, a common excuse Ellen and Kelly talk about earlier on. The whole point of the family session is for Dr. Beckham to get an understanding of Ellen’s home life and for everyone to air their grievances. However, the session quickly turns sour when Susan starts arguing and picking fights with Judy and her girlfriend. However, Dr. Beckham then turns to Kelly who talks about how she feels with everything that’s been going on: “I feel kind of angry, I guess. I just don’t really get it, you know, just eat. It’s just like it’s not just her life that she’s missing out on. It’s my life, too, you know, and I don’t get to have a sister" (To The Bone). As someone who struggled with anorexia, I know firsthand you are not just hurting yourself when you chose not to eat: you are hurting everyone around you who has to watch you slowly kill yourself from the inside out. Listening to Ellen’s sister share her thoughts and vent about why she was so upset with Ellen made me think how terrible it must’ve been for my own sister and family to see me go through that part of my life.

The second scene that hit an emotional chord for me was towards the end when Ellen discovers she is about to be put on a tube because she just keeps losing weight and leaves the program without telling Dr. Beckham or her family. She returns to her mother’s home in Phoenix where Judy and her girlfriend work with horses. That night, Judy consoles Ellen and tells her that she’s accepted the fact Ellen doesn’t want to live anymore and that she still loves her no matter what. She then tells Ellen her therapist talked about how feeding Ellen from a bottle might help reconnect some mother-daughter bond. Though Ellen protests it at first, as Judy gets ready to leave, she ultimately agrees and Judy takes her daughter in her arms and bottle feeds her while singing a lullaby. This part really made me emotional because though it seemed Ellen had completely run out of options, her mother still had thought of one more which turned out to help Ellen more than anything else.

Another thing I found very interesting about this movie was there wasn’t really a happy or definite ending: all it shows is Ellen returning to the in-home. That to me was very important because eating disorders aren’t curable. The negative thoughts will always be around forever and some days are better than others. There is no such thing as being anorexia-free. But there is always a chance of recovery and I’m very glad the movie didn’t show Ellen's recovering years later. It takes a very long time for people with eating disorders to recover and sometimes there are relapses. However, for the directors and writers to show Ellen having the strength to take that first step to getting help was probably the best happy ending they could’ve filmed.

Overall, I must applaud Netflix for continuing to release pieces such as “13 Reasons Why” and “To The Bone.” Though many people still have problems with both the series and the movie, I think they start very important conversations and depict suicide, bullying, rape, and eating disorders in a very serious manner which leaves very little room for debate as to whether or not they created the pieces responsibly. I personally don’t believe these types of topics are discussed enough and to bring them such wide attention has the power to do some good.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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