As a third-generation Italian-American, I can assure you that I have my fair share of stories about family picnics and dinners with Nonna. In a culture where everybody knows a guy, and family means more than anything else, you never have to worry about being alone. So, here's a list of the little things that make us who we are and damn proud of it:
1. Plastic covers all the furniture.
No dining room is complete without at least two tablecloths.
2. Sleeping-in at Nonna's is a myth.
By the time you open your eyes, she's already made coffee, cooked breakfast, watered the garden, cleaned the house and prepped enough dinner to feed a small country.
3. "Are you hungry?"
Asked approximately one thousand times a day.
4. Anxiety at family events is through the roof.
OK, I set the tables, sliced the prosciutto, and stirred the sauce -- why won't Ma or Nonna sit down and enjoy themselves?
5. Not to mention, the name repetition makes it even harder.
Are we talking about Nina the cousin or Nina the aunt? Can someone please tell me why I have four Zia Marias? And is it Di Franco or De Franco? Wait, I'm sorry, how are we related again?
6. You could polka before you could walk.
One, two-three, one, two-three, one, two-three...
7. "Are you sure you're not hungry?"
"I can make some cavatelli, it only takes 10 minutes."
8. Pastina solves everything.
Having lunch? Pastina. Got a cold? Pastina. Stomach flu? Pastina. End of the world? Pastina.
9. You struggle with loudness.
Are we arguing or just having a normal conversation? The world may never know.
10. Some of your best memories are in Nonno's cellar.
Have your fun, but just don't run into the dried sausages hanging from the ceiling.
11. "Chili peppers" -- everywhere.
Gold chains, key rings, charms -- you name it, there's a cornicello.
12. "You want some lasagna?"
"I made sauce just last week, it's in the freezer."
13. If you aren't using your hands, are you even talking?
No, no you are not.
14. No landscape is complete without a religious statue.
You don't think of the pop star when you hear the word "Madonna."
15. Christmas Eve is a bigger event than Christmas Day.
The whole house smells like a fishery exploded in your kitchen, but it's honestly the best day of the year.
16. We don't buy "that junk."
We make it fresh.
17. "You want some soup?"
"I just picked the beans this morning, it only takes 10 minutes."
18. You know all the bad words, even if you don't fluently speak Italian.
19. Various meats and cheeses are a refrigerator staple.
What if the neighbors stop by? Always be prepared with fresh antipasti.
20. "What's-a matter? You don't like my food?"
(Avoid eye contact at all costs.)
21. Leftovers are stored in all the wrong containers.
Coffee? Nope, pizzelles. Butter? Nope, zucchini. Cookies? Nope, minestrone. It should be a drinking game, really.
22. Speaking of drinking, did I mention the wine?
Homemade or get out.
23. There is no such thing as a "small get-together."
No less than 200 people will pass through your graduation party, and it's safe to assume that your dinner reservation should be made for about 15-20 (go for 20, just in case Tony brings his paisans).
24. Every holiday, you dressed up and went to church.
Anything to make Nonno proud.
25. You've heard so many stories about growing up in Italy, you could write a book.
From years in the war, to walking two miles just to buy some groceries, you've learned to appreciate the little things and embrace your family's history. After all, Italians do it best!
