The Best Thing Ever Writen

By The Master: Justice Seymour

So you wake up one morning, and the year added a whole new number to it. You look around, and all of a sudden, it’s time to change. You think to yourself, “ I’m gonna lose weight” or “I’m gonna ask that guy/girl out” or “I’m gonna write the best thing ever writen (typo or nah).” And so, 2016 (or whatever year you are reading this right now) marks the beginning of your weightloss journey, dating exhibitions, and working on works for those ungrateful sons of bit--(keep it cool, man, you’re doing good so far.) Right, anyway, you begin again. A new start. You walk those extra miles, step closer to that special person you never talked to, or start staring at a blank screen as a world of imagination instead of the death trap of deathly death stuff.

But, crap. You woke up late for your morning walk, that girl/guy has a boy/girlfriend, and those darned ideas haven’t made their way into your brain. Did you just BREAK those “resolutions”? What happened!? You were doing SO GOOD! HOW DARE YOU!? But don’t worry, I know how you dared. I know what happened. You, my dear Sir/Ma’am/Lady/Chimp/Somethingorother/Thingamajig:

You failed to follow the rules that come with...the Earth making a lap around the sun? (“Yay! We did it!”) From the words of a man I hardly ever knew (Ha, me quote someone. I’m talking about me. These are MY words Haha sucker...) “Unless you’re Superman, you can’t move the world...well yeah you could MOVE the world. Like idk. Maybe you have a heartfelt touchy feely story that everyone loves and you move them EMOTIONALLY. But that’s not the point. I’m talking about PHYSICALLY move the world.” What he/me is trying to say is that you “breaking” your New Year “Resolution” isn’t going to start the year over again. Now, quick, why do I put “resolution” in quotes!? To the next paragraph!

“Resolution”: In story terms, is the home stretch. Wrapping everything up in a nice little bow so that the ungrateful sons of bit--bruh, I said CALM (*grumble* *grumble*) AUDIENCE MEMBERS can go home happy about the story they have witnessed. In life terms (and in the terms you actually WANTED to read because it’s actually relevant to the paper) is to do or not do something, therefore fixing whatever problem you had. The fact is there is more to fixing whatever problem you had than yes or no, yay or nay, to be or not to be. Sure that is the first step to the mile walk you neglected to take that fateful morning (how DARE YOU!? YOU WERE DOING GOOD!(Bruh, SHUT UP!)) but it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it keeps spinning. Which brings me to my last paragraph.

The world doesn’t give a flippy flappy flocking fludger monker if you failed to begin again with the year. Don’t get me wrong, the world is quite the fellow to be jelly of. It does many things but overall has one job. Keep on spinning. #dontstop #justdoit. Like if we were to break it down, the Earth is pretty much Dewey from Malcom in the Middle. The Sun being Malcom, the brightest. and the Moon being Reese, hit a bit too many times in the head. I’m sorry, idk where I’m going with this. (It’s okay, you tried.) Point is, you don’t want to watch a movie or read a book or whatever story-based thing with no conflict. If it were easy, who gives a flying flip? Not the world. You think Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol would have been as good if everything worked out during the movie? If you haven’t seen the movie or think you might disagree, let me put it this way: Do/did you want to watch Tom Cruise run down a building or nah? If you do/did then good. You know what I’m talking about. If you don’t/didn’t, then forget you, you don’t get it! Point is (how many times have I said this? Count ‘em Chuck!) the struggle is real and, if it weren’t, we would have boring lives. So try, fail, try again, and fail again. If you didn’t like this paper and felt I did nothing but repeat myself multiple times this whole paragraph which, quite frankly, had too many commas and went on wayy longer than it should have, good. I’ll do my best to do better next time. #stillthebestthingeverwritten.