To The Best Friend Who Lost A Friend, It's Not Your Fault

To The Best Friend Who Lost A Friend, It's Not Your Fault

You happen to mutter the word “hi” with a simple smile on your face. Everything calms your nerves, and you suddenly remember that everything will be okay. To the best friend who lost a best friend, remember this day.
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You and your best friend thought that life was merely something that would be everlasting. There was ups and downs. There was laughs and memories. There was tears and sadness. There was lightness to when it got dark and there was darkness when there was once light. To the best friend who lost your best friend, you were there through it all.

You remember the day you met your bestfriend. The day you would sit down in elementary school, or middle school, nervous for the first day. Will you make friends? Why is that girl staring at me? Do I look okay? Should I smile? You are a bundle of nerves. You happen to mutter the word “hi” with a simple smile on your face. Everything calms your nerves, and you suddenly remember that everything will be okay. To the best friend who lost a best friend, remember this day.

You cherish the times you sat together, playing Rock Band to ACDC and Bon Jovi, singing to “Living on a Prayer” and “Dream On,” nearly screaming to the top of your lungs into the cheap microphone, hoping to hit the final note and succeed on the final level while your best friend bangs away, on the drums, like a pro drummer. You reach the finale and rock out, jammin' to the old classic with your deep heavy metal voice after screaming on the top of your lungs. You cherish the laughs you made together after finally finishing the advanced level at seeming like an actual pro. You cherish the smile and obnoxious laughs between the both of you. To the best friend who lost a best friend, cherish these memories.

You sit in your home, to what seemed so empty at the time, when you hear of your best friend’s passing. Wishing you could somehow take all these cherished memories back. You wish you could dream of a day where you were both together again. You sit there screaming into your pillow, screaming your best-friend’s name in hope to bring them back to your once peaceful life. You wish you could hear their laugh, see their smile, smell their cologne or perfume, feel the gravity of their body pulling towards your heartstrings and humanity. You dream to have it all back, just to say three simple words, “I Love You.”

If I’ve learned one thing from losing a best friend, it was not my fault. It was not my fault my best friend felt a certain way. It was not my fault that my best friend made the decision that he or she did. It is not my fault that my best friend is no longer on this earth. What is my fault is whether or not I choose to cherish these memories, remember these times, and not blame myself for another person’s action. It is not my fault, nor my best friend. I long for his heart to be full. I hope his mind and body is filled with love and support from his friends and family. I remember the good he spent dreaming in this world. I remember the love he gave me. I remember the faith he had in both of our futures. I loved every waking moment I had with him. I loved being about to laugh about childish things and childish ways we once went about with making decisions. I love him and only him for being him.

On September 17, 2015, my childhood best friend committed suicide two months shy of his eighteenth birthday. On that very day, my world was turned upside down and I relapsed into a moment of anxiety and dark depression. I began to notice how my academics were declining, I began to distance myself from my friends and family, and my self-value was minimized. I couldn’t stand going outdoors into the beauty of sunshine. I couldn’t stand the smiles of happiness made by people on the streets. I would stay in bed for hours on end and would never want to leave. I thought God hated me, hated my family, and valued my disinterest in the world. I essentially didn’t want to live a life of happiness. I was stuck.

January 4th, 2016, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. That day I was medicated for my disability and I was prescribed continual psychiatry in order for me to express my emotions in a healthier manner. I still didn’t feel like myself. Weeks went by and I didn’t feel any better. My mannerisms were still at my worst and I had no faith in humanity due to my previous experiences and harsh past.

As the time continued, I would notice the gifts of what God would present before me, but I never understood the meanings behind those blessings. I began to notice a difference in my behavior and mindsets. I was motivated toward my faith and improving my mind to make a difference in my life.

February 14th, 2016, I bought a Bible. That day, I remember just paging through the beauty of the gospels and just thinking to myself, this is where my happiness lies; in the hands of God. This is the moment my life took a step forward and I was enlightened by the power of words from various disciples of our history. Within this very book, I persevered to read three pages a day, if I was eager maybe ten. Each day that went by, I felt more at peace with myself. I began to visit my local church’s cross, I’d pray to it and ask for forgiveness of my sins and my self-loathing. I felt the presence of God not only before me but in my mind and soul. I felt happier. I felt forgiveness. I felt peace.

Faith triggered me to be more giving, more forgiving, and more importantly, happier. I feel a being and purpose in this world more than I ever have before. God has a real center in this chaotic world we call home. It is because of him, I survived my illness, I realized what my purpose is and how I can make a difference just by expressing my faith to others. He is my one true love, and for that love I am forever grateful.

To the best friend, who lost a best friend. It is not your fault.

Cherish, Remember, and Love, because you are never lost. They are always here, in your heart.

Cover Image Credit: Nolan Shea Photograph

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11 Reasons Why Your Little Sister Is Your Biggest Blessing

She will forever be your go-to Netflix date, your late-night life talk partner, and your absolute best friend.
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She's the person you care for with all your heart and sometimes hate passionately. She's the one you misbehave with yet the one who often keeps you in check. You've been there since her day one, and she changed your life forever. She is truly your partner in every crime, your shoulder to cry on when life is too much to handle on your own, and the very best friend you never expected to love this much. She's your little sister, and there are many reasons why she is the best thing that ever happened to you.


1. She makes you want to be a better person.

She's your baby sister, and you want her to grow up to be a genuine and well-respected person, which means you must be that person for her to look up to. She gives you a reason to be better.

2. You were her first friend, and that is a difficult bond to break.

From the day she was born, you were who she latched onto. You were her friend before she knew anyone else, and that makes your relationship unbelievably strong.

SEE ALSO: Dear Little Sister, While You're At College

3. She matures you.

You find yourself feeling motherly when it comes to your little sister. Your instinct will always be to protect her, often maturing you beyond your years.

4. She will always keep you young.

Although you want to be a grown-up example in her life, she will always be a reminder to have more fun and to let loose. She also has a better sense of style than you ever did at her age, so pay attention.

5. Your life-long friends have known her almost as long as you have, and they love her too.

You may have been her very first friend, but your friends fell in love with her at a young age as well. You know you've got a pretty great little sister when your friends never fail to hug her upon arrival.

6. She supports your decisions.

This does not mean she will always agree with them, but as your sister, she trusts you to do the right thing.

7. And helps you make the ones that stump you.

She may not have as much life experience as you do, but sometimes this can work to your advantage. She hasn't made as many mistakes as you have, and this can mean she's not afraid to take chances and push you to make scary decisions.

8. Distance is no match for you two.

You could go long periods of time without talking and nothing would change. You'll pick up right where you left off every time, although you prefer to stay in touch consistently.

9. You've become really good at giving advice and looking out for people.

Your little sister will come to you for advice, and you become more and more prepared to give it every time. This experience has also helped you help your friends when they need your input.

10. You will always be needed.

We all want to feel like we are a necessity to someone; we want to feel like we are improving someone's quality of life. While you may find this in other relationships over the years, your little sister will always need you, and it will always be rewarding.

11. She's a constant in your ever-changing life.

People will come and go in your life. Relationships will end and friends will fade, but your sister isn't going anywhere.

The day she was brought home, your sister changed your life dramatically. Maybe you were an only child before she came along, and she stole your thunder for a little while, but you'll forgive her for it. You'll realize that she changed your life for the better. She became your truest friend and your biggest blessing.


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Hate To Break It To You, But There Will Always Be Something That Gets In The Way Of Your Happiness

The existence of a roadblock isn't an issue, but your reaction to it can be.

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Ever had a bad day that turns into a bad week that turns into a bad month? Sometimes it really feels like you can never catch a break. Well... if you have a negative attitude.

Your life will never simple or easy. You're going to have to fight for what you want. You're going to be brought down to your lowest lows. Life is going to throw you into a washing machine, and see if you can still stand up when the cycle is done. Terrible situations help us appreciate everything good we have in our lives.

Here's the thing: There will always be opposition to your happiness.

I know that sucks to hear, but it's just how things work. Whether it's a family member, a friend, or a complete stranger, someone will always have a problem with what you're doing. People have differences of opinion. The existence of a roadblock isn't an issue, but your reaction to it can be.

What I mean is that the large majority of the time, you can shake the opposition off. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't let them bother you. When you shut down or change your behavior every time someone has an issue with it, you give them the power to control you. You sacrifice your own happiness.

People will treat you how you let them treat you. So show them what is and isn't acceptable.

Now, let's talk about the situations where you can't just figuratively flip someone off. When someone you really care about and love doesn't support you, it really hurts. Believe me, I've been there. You can't just say, "I don't care," because you don't want to ruin your relationship with them. But you also don't want to give in, because this is a situation you feel really passionate about.

My advice? Give them time to process the situation.

Maybe your behavior was a little shocking to them at first, but after a while, they'll accept it. If they love you, care about you, and want the best for you, they will accept it. Just make sure you emphasize how important it is to you, or else they still might try to change your mind.

Do what you love to do, be yourself, and try not to let the opposition get to you.

Cover Image Credit:

Nick Preite

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