To The Best Friend Who Lost A Friend, It's Not Your Fault
Start writing a post
Relationships

To The Best Friend Who Lost A Friend, It's Not Your Fault

You happen to mutter the word “hi” with a simple smile on your face. Everything calms your nerves, and you suddenly remember that everything will be okay. To the best friend who lost a best friend, remember this day.

390
To The Best Friend Who Lost A Friend, It's Not Your Fault
Nolan Shea Photograph

You and your best friend thought that life was merely something that would be everlasting. There was ups and downs. There was laughs and memories. There was tears and sadness. There was lightness to when it got dark and there was darkness when there was once light. To the best friend who lost your best friend, you were there through it all.

You remember the day you met your bestfriend. The day you would sit down in elementary school, or middle school, nervous for the first day. Will you make friends? Why is that girl staring at me? Do I look okay? Should I smile? You are a bundle of nerves. You happen to mutter the word “hi” with a simple smile on your face. Everything calms your nerves, and you suddenly remember that everything will be okay. To the best friend who lost a best friend, remember this day.

You cherish the times you sat together, playing Rock Band to ACDC and Bon Jovi, singing to “Living on a Prayer” and “Dream On,” nearly screaming to the top of your lungs into the cheap microphone, hoping to hit the final note and succeed on the final level while your best friend bangs away, on the drums, like a pro drummer. You reach the finale and rock out, jammin' to the old classic with your deep heavy metal voice after screaming on the top of your lungs. You cherish the laughs you made together after finally finishing the advanced level at seeming like an actual pro. You cherish the smile and obnoxious laughs between the both of you. To the best friend who lost a best friend, cherish these memories.

You sit in your home, to what seemed so empty at the time, when you hear of your best friend’s passing. Wishing you could somehow take all these cherished memories back. You wish you could dream of a day where you were both together again. You sit there screaming into your pillow, screaming your best-friend’s name in hope to bring them back to your once peaceful life. You wish you could hear their laugh, see their smile, smell their cologne or perfume, feel the gravity of their body pulling towards your heartstrings and humanity. You dream to have it all back, just to say three simple words, “I Love You.”

If I’ve learned one thing from losing a best friend, it was not my fault. It was not my fault my best friend felt a certain way. It was not my fault that my best friend made the decision that he or she did. It is not my fault that my best friend is no longer on this earth. What is my fault is whether or not I choose to cherish these memories, remember these times, and not blame myself for another person’s action. It is not my fault, nor my best friend. I long for his heart to be full. I hope his mind and body is filled with love and support from his friends and family. I remember the good he spent dreaming in this world. I remember the love he gave me. I remember the faith he had in both of our futures. I loved every waking moment I had with him. I loved being about to laugh about childish things and childish ways we once went about with making decisions. I love him and only him for being him.

On September 17, 2015, my childhood best friend committed suicide two months shy of his eighteenth birthday. On that very day, my world was turned upside down and I relapsed into a moment of anxiety and dark depression. I began to notice how my academics were declining, I began to distance myself from my friends and family, and my self-value was minimized. I couldn’t stand going outdoors into the beauty of sunshine. I couldn’t stand the smiles of happiness made by people on the streets. I would stay in bed for hours on end and would never want to leave. I thought God hated me, hated my family, and valued my disinterest in the world. I essentially didn’t want to live a life of happiness. I was stuck.

January 4th, 2016, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. That day I was medicated for my disability and I was prescribed continual psychiatry in order for me to express my emotions in a healthier manner. I still didn’t feel like myself. Weeks went by and I didn’t feel any better. My mannerisms were still at my worst and I had no faith in humanity due to my previous experiences and harsh past.

As the time continued, I would notice the gifts of what God would present before me, but I never understood the meanings behind those blessings. I began to notice a difference in my behavior and mindsets. I was motivated toward my faith and improving my mind to make a difference in my life.

February 14th, 2016, I bought a Bible. That day, I remember just paging through the beauty of the gospels and just thinking to myself, this is where my happiness lies; in the hands of God. This is the moment my life took a step forward and I was enlightened by the power of words from various disciples of our history. Within this very book, I persevered to read three pages a day, if I was eager maybe ten. Each day that went by, I felt more at peace with myself. I began to visit my local church’s cross, I’d pray to it and ask for forgiveness of my sins and my self-loathing. I felt the presence of God not only before me but in my mind and soul. I felt happier. I felt forgiveness. I felt peace.

Faith triggered me to be more giving, more forgiving, and more importantly, happier. I feel a being and purpose in this world more than I ever have before. God has a real center in this chaotic world we call home. It is because of him, I survived my illness, I realized what my purpose is and how I can make a difference just by expressing my faith to others. He is my one true love, and for that love I am forever grateful.

To the best friend, who lost a best friend. It is not your fault.

Cherish, Remember, and Love, because you are never lost. They are always here, in your heart.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

54957
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35376
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957519
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

184438
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments