This has been one of the most difficult summers I have ever faced. I have faced family loss and grief in the past and from experience, I know that time goes by, and time heals the soul. I have experienced breakups and heartbreaks before, and have slowly out myself together after leaving toxic relationships. This summer I have been facing losses in quite different aspects but with alive people that have been slowly leaving my side. We all have our own dreams and goals to chase, but it completely sucks when the people you love the most have to shine away from you. This summer has taught me who's really there for me at the end of the day, and it turns out it's the people that are already or will soon be away from me. I have been working the whole summer that perhaps I haven't given myself the chance to breathe in and accept the art of letting go...
Personally, I have always been an overthinker and I am very sensible deep inside. Have you ever stressed out about things that aren't even worth it stressing about? This summer I have spent nights up in my room overthinking if people really cared as much as I cared for them. I have gone days ghosting everyone and not to be overdramatic but I realized that everyone else is too busy living their own lives to worry about my own. I would just shake off the hard truth and would continue to focus on my own daily life. I realized that I was perhaps just lonely, but that wasn't very soul-fulfilling at the end of the day. All these empty feelings began way before the summer even started but when I had to let go of someone that was just very far away from me during deployment. Then after that, friends started leaving my side too and showing their true intentions. It all just added up that so many losses made no sense.
I would perhaps call myself and my life a mess. I'm sure we all feel somehow like I feel right before we enter our 20s. Still trying to figure out who we are and what do we really want. We all have goals and dreams, some get to accomplish them and some don't. It is a different journey for everybody, but it does change if we change the way we look at it. "One of the most courageous decisions you'll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul. (Brigitte, Nicole.) This quote is what the art of letting go is all about. It is super hard, especially when we realize that we are just getting older within time. Your inner child that cries itself to sleep at times, when you realize that you cannot go back, pause it, or flash-forward. You only have the power to let go and live today.
I am the most unperfect human being and I have a million flaws. I have hurt people in the past, and people have also hurt me. I have made a million mistakes and they all have taught me something at the end of the day. This whole summer has taught me that. A special one once asked me, "What's one thing you regret the most?" and I replied; "I regret nothing." Every mistake and every good decision I have ever committed has brought me to where I am today, at the moment while questioning my whole role in this life may not be the best place ever or where I'd like to be, but I know for a fact that tomorrow will be a better day. In exactly ten days the person I have called my best friend for the past eight to nine years will be leaving to the army and every second I have known of such decision has broken us apart. This person was unhappy here and I deeply respect that she is going to search her light and her time for her to shine.
One of my million flaws is that I get attached to people and things really fast, but what can I do? I was born human after all. You cannot stop feeling emotions and you cannot stop overthinking, but what you can do is let go. But what exactly do you do when someone that once made this place feel like home is going away? Sometimes it's not even the person but how used you get to someone, how you communicate every detail of your life and life isn't the same without them. It truly hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on and that's the art of letting go. Time goes on just like you have faced it all before, time goes on and heals the soul.
To everyone facing such similar stories like mine, I hope you get up and let go of whatever is hurting your soul. If it's perhaps a hug you need, this is me and this is your hug I write for you to let go. We were placed on this journey without an instruction manual. Life's lessons are our manual, and if this is your first time just trust me on this. Do not give up at any point, you have to keep going and moving forward no matter how hard it gets. No matter how lonely you get, always remember you are not alone and a million other people are facing similar stories like yours. The art of letting go will heal us all.