The 8 Stages Of A Holy Cross Student During Enrollment

The 8 Stages Of A Holy Cross Student During Enrollment

Yes, it's the worst day of the semester.
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Enrollment at Holy Cross usually ends up being the the most stressful day of the semester. Each semester the Dean sends out emailing just building up the entire enrollment process. If you're like me, you spend a good amount of time mapping out your perfect schedule and your perfect back up schedule. I always think enrollment will work out for me, and it never does. I have never gotten all four classes I have wanted, I know I'm only a freshmen and I haven't been through that many enrollments but I am thinking that my future enrollments probably won't go as planned either. I have no hope.

Enrollment also becomes particularly stressful when you find out the night before that you still have an enrollment hold on your account, even though you've had your advisor meeting. And then it doesn't get taken off until 15 minutes before you have to click the "enroll" button. Then when you finally get to click the button at 7:00 on the dot, your computer doesn't load and then you end up getting half the classes you want and then picking two random ones that you know nothing about just to fill the void. I think it's safe to say you can divide your thoughts about enrollment into stages, and I have provided witty gifs to illustrate them for you. You're welcome.

Stage 1: This stage happens a few weeks before the actual enrollment date, and this occurs when your Dean sends you a lovely four-page email about your future classes. Side effects of this stage include: minor break down about your future, nausea and maybe a few panic attacks. I like to call this the "OMFG I NEED TO PLAN MY FUTURE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BECOME A FAILURE" stage.

Stage 2: This stage happens after you have planned your entire schedule and you're at peace with your life because you feel like everything is falling into place. This is the stage when you feel like everything is going to be okay. Side effects of this stage are minor, maybe a few moments of doubts but nothing too serious. I like to call this stage "The Calm Before the Storm."

Stage 3: This stage happens a few days before enrollment when you realize you forgot to put a ton of backups in your backpack, and now you have to frantically plan an entirely new schedule that will never be as good as the original. Side effects include: sadness when thinking about the possibility of having to use this schedule, panic and anxiety will begin to settle in when thinking about the inevitable. I like to call this stage "The FML Stage."

Stage 4: This stage occurs the night before when all you can think about is not getting into any of your classes and how your life will, therefore, be over and your future is dead. You also set 10 different alarms to wake yourself before 7:00 a.m. to make sure you don't miss it. Side effects: lack of sleep, bad dreams, and increased appetite. I like to call this stage the "Not So Calm Before the Storm" stage.

Stage 5: This stage occurs when you wake up on the morning enrollment and all you wanna do is go back to sleep. You don't want to face your STAR system and you don't just don't want enrollment to happen, and you start lowering your expectations for the outcome of this day at this point. Side effects: denial and exhaustion. I like to call this stage the "I Just Don't Want to Do This" stage.

Stage 6: This stage occurs when you're just sitting at your computer watching the clock. You're basically just a sitting duck at this point. Side effects: sweaty palms, restlessness, and the a slight urge to cry. I like to call this stage the "Sitting Duck."

Stage 7: Stage 7 only happens for some and this happens after the "enroll" button has been clicked, and you don't get any of your classes. Side effects: lots of crying, heaving and the occasional mental breakdown. This stage is called "The World Hates Me" stage.

Stage 8: "Acceptance". You decide not to care anymore and to ignore the fact that you have the worst schedule in the entire world.


Cover Image Credit: memegenerator.net

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When you make a girl an aunt, you make her a very protective person.

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When you make a girl an aunt, she gets to skip on the difficulty of disciplining.

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I wonder if you'd be proud of me.

My first thought when I wake up in the morning is whether or not you still think of me. I think about if I am wearing the right outfit if I were to see you that day. I think about if I am saying the right thing for you to want to want me again.

Throughout my day, I think about whether or not you're happy. I wonder if the feeling in my heart of missing who I thought you were is making its way to you. Sometimes I think about what I did to make you hate me as much as you do.

Sometimes when things get really hard, I think about picking up the phone to call you. Time keeps passing from the last time I saw you and during that time I've painted a picture of you that would probably only disappoint me in the end. Your phone number still sits in my phone and I go to your contact, wanting to call, but knowing that at the other end is not the person I used to know.

I wonder if you watch me. I wonder if the posts I make, pictures I post, and articles I write are viewed by you and whether or not you care to even search my name. I wonder if you ask people about me or if you care to know the person I am today.

Without you, I have changed. It has been two years and though time will only continue moving on without you, I wonder what would have happened if I didn't make the choices I made to make you react in the way you have.

When the sun shines bright on the flowers blooming around campus, I think of your jokes and sarcastic wit. When the rain pours from the sky and keeps me imprisoned within the walls of a building, I think of ways I felt imprisoned by you. When clouds form shapes in the sky that I can make stories out of, I think of the way life could've been.

Sometimes I write to you. They are the letters I can never send because I have to remind myself that though we knew each other once, you do not know me anymore. The picture in my mind of who you are now is someone who'd love me with open arms, but I know that there's no truth in that. It's only my wishful thinking out to break my heart once more.

I wonder if you hear me when I try talking to you. I wonder if the words I tell God are making their way to you as you go on living the life we always talked about when times get tough. I wonder if you're talking to God about me.

As I watch the sunset, I think about the last moment I was with you. As that chapter ended, I was only wishfully thinking that walking away would save me from further pain. In the end, I don't know about how life would've been different had it not happened.

When my picture of you gets too bright and I share it with others, I am reminded of reality. The screaming, crying, pushing, shoving, and hitting touches my skin once more in the form of flashbacks that push me further down into the depths of a depression. I am reminded of the hundreds of suicidal thoughts and letters that I've written once before.

No matter what, my heart still yearns for a hug. A hug where I can bury myself into your body and feel safe. A hug where I forget every worry in my mind and focus solely on the love.

I wonder if you'd still love me if I changed myself to be the person you've always wanted me to be. I wonder if you'd forgive me for walking away, even if it was for me to change to be a better person. I wonder if you'll ever even read this.

Days like today, I want to go back in time. I sit on the benches around campus and look up at the sky, down at the cars passing by, and listen to life move on all around me as I remain stuck. I hear people talking, see them laughing, and wonder if there's any way I could one day feel as alive as they do.

The truth is that I was never enough for you. No matter how much I changed, kept notes of what you liked so I could be like that, or just kept my head down and moved silently, nothing was ever enough.

No matter what, though, I still yearn to be loved in the way that I picture you should've loved me. Closure does not exist. You were the ones who were supposed to hold me down. But now I am nothing to you...I was always nothing to you.

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