"That's Just Me" Is Not An Excuse

"That's Just Me" Is Not An Excuse

Constantly improve yourself.

This generation has been such a trend for acceptance.

Take me the way I am, or fuck off basically. The good, the bad, the ugly, the emotionally unstable. It's really become an excuse for people to not work on themselves in areas of need. It offends people to address the fact they should maybe consider adjusting some bad habits. "It's just the way I am, I'm a Scorpio, you know this."

I get that we all have different ticks, different behaviors, whatever... But when it's causing issues, you need to take responsibility. Criticism can be tough, but you have to be willing to listen in order to become your best self. Another 1 of the million reasons relationships are so fragile today, no one can stand to hear that they're wrong or that maybe they have some behaviors that need to be readjusted. Instead, people point fingers in defense of themselves and want to pretend that they have it all figured out.

Everyone is a rock. And if you're sitting here saying "I'm not a rock," then you're most definitely a rock. Become soft, impressionable and flexible, like clay. We all have things we can learn and/or work on and I'm a strong believer that every relationship is just helping us mold ourselves to become better. If you leave every relationship saying they were the only problem, you will never learn these lessons and continue being in a karmic cycle of the same type of relationship. Be open to suggestions or constructive criticism; communication is absolutely the backbone of every relationship.

A big thing people forget is our 'personality' is just a product of every experience we have had. If you have a short temper, a need to argue, a tendency to get offended, hyper-sensitivity, etc, there is a reason for that. It's not just because you're a Scorpio, trust me. These behaviors that can be adjusted are always stemming from some type of conditioning. We all have flaws; we are constantly taken further from our true selves with every year that we age. We get hurt, we go through shit, we become damaged... but what do we do when a storm breaks one of our windows? We fix the window. Don't accept defeat and neglect a broken part of you. That's pure laziness.

These behaviors affect you on a great scale, but they also affect how others feel around you. Be the type of person you would want to be with. That doesn't just go for relationships, this can be applied to any encounter you ever have with someone. We often don't remember what things people did for us, but we always remember how they made us feel. Think back to your childhood, where specific memories are foggy.

Try to think of people you only kind of remember and reimagine the way you felt around them. Good vibes, bad vibes, this is always what sticks. No one enjoys being around someone filled with hate and hurt, it doesn't feel good. Yes, we can all sense this. It doesn't have to be projected physically. If you want to radiate love and calmness, you must become it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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7 Mental Notes We Should All Keep In Mind

You got today and every day.

Some days we wake up with no motivation or reason. It is important to make notes for yourself so you continue to value each and every day. Making notes to yourself gives you reasons to wake up and start your day. Here are just a few to keep in mind when going through your day.

1. Today is another day you can improve yourself

2. Make sure to point out at least one positive thing from your day

It is easy to point out all the negatives and things that went wrong with your day, but always try to point out at least one good thing. It could be as simple as that good coffee you had this morning. Bring positivity to your days.

3. You're in control

You control if you will allow someone else to ruin your day. You are in control of your actions. The thing you don't control are the actions of others, but you can not let that affect you. You are in control of your happiness.

4. Don't forget to smile

5. Be kind to yourself

Some days will be harder than others and that's just that. You can not tear yourself down for mistakes you've made or pick at yourself for all the things that are wrong. Be kind to yourself and show yourself some mercy.

6. Don't live your day pleasing others

As a matter of fact, don't live your life that way. Please your damn self.

7. Choose YOU

Choose to live today. Choose to be yourself today. Choose all the things that make you happy. Choose to make this and everyday yours.

Cover Image Credit: Adriana Gil

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When The Helpers Learned To Help Themselves

Why helpers and leaders need to take care of themselves, too

I've been a helper and a leader for as long as I can remember.

From kindergarten when I made my first friend by helping another kid up at recess, to being the person in high school that many friends came to with their problems, to leading the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and then helping lead a Bible study in my undergraduate years, that has been my station. With exceptions, of course, I would say it is a station in which I have performed well.

And yet, there are some ways in which I haven't.

I love to help other people, but sometimes I forget to help myself.

That statement is true for me, and I've known it to be true for many others in positions of leadership or with passion for care. So often our hearts are so big that we feel we can give endlessly, until nothing is left for ourselves.

It's an understandable predicament, and a common one at that. We become familiar with such phrases as "he needs help more than I do," or "I have to be the rock, I can't show weakness." It's not always so easy to deal with, either.

Both from personal experience and the stories of others, I know that leading and helping can leave us isolated. Sometimes we become close to the people for whom we are strong, but more often than not (and typically with good reason) we are a helper/leader more than a friend. We are the person contacted when someone is in crisis, when they need a major opinion, when they don't want to be alone.

I think I speak for most leaders and helpers when I say that our roles can become draining. By nature of our empathy and concern, we spend much of our time either being supportive or looking for someone who needs support.

Even so, many of us feel that we can and should be strong enough to carry on. Much of my life I spent without close friends, and late in high school/early in college I lived with some depression and even suicidal thoughts. But I was a helper and a leader, and I felt deep down that the difference I could make would be limited if I showed weakness.

But I was weak; we all are, really. I just wasn't willing to face it for fear that it would limit my ability to help.

I moved past my depression, but then I covered up my further struggles. Rather than looking at ways I could strengthen or care for myself, I dove into my role as a supporter, as a leader.

Some people say that if you don't take care of yourself you can't make a difference, but I beg to differ. It's not true for everyone, but there are many people (such as myself) that have the ability to cover up their feelings quite well. The thought is often that the pain of others is more important than our own.

Some give all of their time to help and to lead, and for those things they lose sleep, miss meals, and see their social life suffer.

Being so inclined to help and to sacrifice is not bad; on the contrary, it can be a beautiful thing. But there is danger in trying to lead people down paths we have not traveled. When we've faced our own issues, we have stories that we can share to not only give advice with people, but also to truly connect and relate with them.

And then there is the danger of hurting others from our own ignorance of self. As most car owners (hopefully) know, when the warning light comes on and we refuse to look under the hood we risk breaking down in the middle of the road and causing a wreck. If we don't look at our own negative feelings and struggles, they will eventually catch up with us no matter how powerful the engine. In our roles as helpers and leaders, there are many people on the road following us – if we don't check on ourselves and break down in the middle of the road, it's not that surprising to expect some fallout.

We help others, or at least I do, because we love it. I find it fulfilling. But if I tie my worth to other people and lose sight of my worth in Christ, as I sometimes do, I burn out quickly. When I trust in Him, find ways beyond just helping to have fun, and take care of myself physically (working out, eating, getting good sleep, etc.), that love is alive and well.

I still love helping people. But I also take the time to breathe, to enjoy my life, because it's something I hope to see others do too.

Cover Image Credit: Wilson R. Harvey

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