"That's Just Me" Is Not An Excuse

"That's Just Me" Is Not An Excuse

Constantly improve yourself.
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This generation has been such a trend for acceptance.

Take me the way I am, or fuck off basically. The good, the bad, the ugly, the emotionally unstable. It's really become an excuse for people to not work on themselves in areas of need. It offends people to address the fact they should maybe consider adjusting some bad habits. "It's just the way I am, I'm a Scorpio, you know this."

I get that we all have different ticks, different behaviors, whatever... But when it's causing issues, you need to take responsibility. Criticism can be tough, but you have to be willing to listen in order to become your best self. Another 1 of the million reasons relationships are so fragile today, no one can stand to hear that they're wrong or that maybe they have some behaviors that need to be readjusted. Instead, people point fingers in defense of themselves and want to pretend that they have it all figured out.

Everyone is a rock. And if you're sitting here saying "I'm not a rock," then you're most definitely a rock. Become soft, impressionable and flexible, like clay. We all have things we can learn and/or work on and I'm a strong believer that every relationship is just helping us mold ourselves to become better. If you leave every relationship saying they were the only problem, you will never learn these lessons and continue being in a karmic cycle of the same type of relationship. Be open to suggestions or constructive criticism; communication is absolutely the backbone of every relationship.

A big thing people forget is our 'personality' is just a product of every experience we have had. If you have a short temper, a need to argue, a tendency to get offended, hyper-sensitivity, etc, there is a reason for that. It's not just because you're a Scorpio, trust me. These behaviors that can be adjusted are always stemming from some type of conditioning. We all have flaws; we are constantly taken further from our true selves with every year that we age. We get hurt, we go through shit, we become damaged... but what do we do when a storm breaks one of our windows? We fix the window. Don't accept defeat and neglect a broken part of you. That's pure laziness.

These behaviors affect you on a great scale, but they also affect how others feel around you. Be the type of person you would want to be with. That doesn't just go for relationships, this can be applied to any encounter you ever have with someone. We often don't remember what things people did for us, but we always remember how they made us feel. Think back to your childhood, where specific memories are foggy.

Try to think of people you only kind of remember and reimagine the way you felt around them. Good vibes, bad vibes, this is always what sticks. No one enjoys being around someone filled with hate and hurt, it doesn't feel good. Yes, we can all sense this. It doesn't have to be projected physically. If you want to radiate love and calmness, you must become it.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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5 Things I Really Wish I Knew ~Before~ Losing My Virginity

Advice to our younger selves.
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Everyone has a first time. We're all at different stages of our lives when it happens, which impacts how we approach the situation and how we feel about it immediately after and in reflections. Some people idealize their first time, some people regret it, some people feel nothing about it. I agonized over my virginity.

I wanted nothing more than to throw it at the first willing participant. I felt that it made me someone inferior to my friends who had already had sex, like somehow I was missing out on some great secret of life or somehow I was less mature than them. I spent a lot of time wishing it would just happen, and then one day, it did when I wasn't expecting it. I don't regret my first time, but because I had wished for it to happen for so long, I had built up this image in my head of how it would be that was completely unrealistic.

So, this is for those girls like me whose imaginations get the best of them. Here are some tips to ease your worries and prepare you for what it's really going to be like.

1. It's going to be awkward.

Not just the first time, every time. No matter how much porn or how many blogs or erotic fiction you read, you will not have any idea what you're doing. The other person probably won't, either. There are too many variables, and you're both so concerned with doing it well, you'll be focused on too many things to properly control your limbs.

2. Don't think about your body.

The angles that are required for things to work leave both participants in awkward positions with limbs in strange places. Don't look at your body; don't even think about where your limbs are. Just keep your eyes and mind on the other person and what they're doing and how you're feeling. If you're feeling bad, let them know, so you can change it. If you're feeling good, enjoy it.

3. Don't do it drunk.

Not even a little tipsy, at least not for the first few times. Alcohol throws in another variable and another reason your limbs are flailing listlessly on top of other unforeseen complications. Just wait until you've had a little practice to introduce alcohol into the mix. You want to actually remember your first time and understand what's going on.

4. You're not going to feel any different after.

I expected to feel a weight being lifted or some newfound maturity, but I really didn't feel any different at all. That's because I really was just the same girl as before. Finally having lost this imaginary flower didn't make me physically any different at all.

5. You're going to feel something.

There wasn't some profound emotional release afterward, either, but I did feel a little different. Again, not in the sense that something had actually change, but I felt different because I had placed so much importance on this, on having sex, and now it had happened. I wanted there to be some big release or celebratory moment, but really, I just felt the same. I didn't even feel a little more mature or experienced. I was positive that if I ever did it again, I would still have absolutely no idea what to do (which was true).

Cover Image Credit: Seventeen

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If You Live By 'Forgive And Forget,' Don't Forget To Forgive Yourself, Too

To heal a wound it helps to stop touching it

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Forgive and forget... easier said than done, right?

Some days it's better to act like nothing happen when those that you love hurt you.

Other times you tell yourself to stop being so submissive and toughen up.

If you have a compliant personality naturally and don't like to stir the pot, this predicament leads to you feeling resentful when you are hurt by others.

If you feel like you have been placed into the endless cycle of wondering if it's worth the time to forgive and forget, perhaps take a look at the steps along the way that I try to walk through that makes forgiveness the best form of love. This is not only for them but for yourself, too. Ultimately, the decision to forgive is the one healthiest for the soul.

Yes, not only for that person but for yourself, too.

Feeling resentful, holding grudges or pondering over what you did to make them treat you like this isn't a feeling worth holding on to.

Forgive yourself first.

There are a few thoughts I have when I feel betrayed, hurt or used. First off, try to forgive yourself in all aspects. What have you done wrong in the past? What have other people forgiven you for?

Maybe you let something slip about a friend in a story because you thought it was funny. Or perhaps you forgot to call a person you love during a rough time that individual was going through. Did you accept forgiveness?

It could be that the alternate situation isn't equivalent to the hurt you feel, but admit it, no one is flawless. Everyone has hurt someone in some way or another. For myself, seeing how I have been forgiven for my mistakes and feeling gratitude to those that have given me another chance for saying something I didn't mean, or accidentally hurting them helps me realize that we are all only human.

Remember, when someone does something wrong, don't forget all that they did right.

Most importantly, don't blame yourself.

Forgive yourself for failing to read the signs. Forgive yourself for your kindness and occasional lack of judgment. Forgive yourself for being who you are and not being perfect.

Learn from your mistakes and ultimately, understand that it's okay to mistrust, misjudge, and misread situations, and see the best in people. A friend I have known since high school told me, "Liv, your biggest flaw is that you give people the benefit of the doubt." This is true, but ultimately, if people prove you wrong, that is a reflection on them – not yourself.

Don't allow yourself to feel like a victim for your forgiveness and resent yourself in the process.

After you forgive yourself, forgive them too.

Forgiving yourself is the hardest part. So congratulations, you are halfway there.

Now accept that those that hurt you may not have meant to. Sometimes, it is understandable. Maybe the person didn't know how you felt in that situation or perhaps he or she is going through a rough time. (Benefit of the doubt coming in handy again, see?) The best option, contrary to some people's opinion, is to give people the benefit of the doubt.

In quite a few cases, there is no apology available. In this scenario, it may seem impossible - and you might attempt to “fake it, until you make it" or “forgive, but never forget." Here is the fatal flaw with “forgiving, but not forgetting." This is obtainable if you are to be wary of the person, but conclusively decide to hold onto "no resentment." However, if you choose to have that person in your life that you are consistently wary of is "forgiving, but not forgetting," is it really worth it?

Forgiving doesn't mean holding onto resentment and "not forgetting" is synonymous with that situation. This is a hard concept to grasp – especially for myself. Yet, I am trying to take my own advice, because it takes a lot to give up on a friendship or a person. However, the best approach is to understand and accept people for their actions.

Forgive what happened, mistakes that were made and move on.

Accept apologies, and people for who they are.

Holding onto resentment, grudges and things of the past won't do yourself any favors. Instead, focus on what you learned. Don't get trapped into negative energy because you get out of life what you put in. This can mean wishing the best for a person, holding your memories in a special place in your heart, but moving apart in different walks of your life.

Instead of holding onto resentment, hold onto love.

Don't think of these as “cutting people out" like stems from a flower - help people grow and let them help you grow – whether it is in the same garden or not.

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