Day after day, I see post after post from fellow moms who are complaining about their husbands. The complaint usually goes along the lines of their husbands not appreciating anything they do. My husband is generally a very helpful husband, but if my husband keeps skipping his few tasks that I ask of him, WWIII is about to go down. I’m a writer, so really he’ll be coming home to a letter, and it will go something like this.

Dear husband,

Thank you for being so understanding. Today I changed four impressive poopy diapers. I also scrubbed the wall down where a said diaper was thrown out of the crib and said poop was smeared along the wall. Oh, and I totally sanitized the floor in the bathroom from a completely separate poop incident. I definitely used a color towel to bleach the floor. My bad.

Thank you for being so understanding. I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher twice today. You see, there was a problem with the red sippy cup, even though that was the perfect sippy cup yesterday. I can’t quite explain it because I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I can explain that we went through ten sippy cups before we got the right one today. Not to mention the spoons and their issues.

Thank you for being so understanding. Our bed was made at some point. Actually, it was made four times. For some reason it became a fort at some point with the kids plotting their demise against me. And then the floor was lava. Oh, and I was a monster with a vacuum cleaner today too so our kids hid under the blanket. Who knew that I was a master of all trades?

Thank you for being so understanding. Dinner is not finished. Something magical happened today. The kids learned to share. They decided that the ground beef I had laying on the counter needed to be fed to the dog. The dog thought she had won some kind of prize and went along with it, so no need to feed her tonight. However, a trip to the vet in the very near future might be necessary just to make sure she passes all the plastic.

Thank you for being so understanding. I didn’t do a load of your work clothes today. There was a mud incident yesterday that ended up messing up two baskets full of clothes. Somehow even my clothes were filthy, smothered in mud and I didn’t even play in the mud! Also, there was a crayon that got melted in the dryer, so be thankful none of your shirts are pink. These kids are seriously awesome.

Thank you for being so understanding. I’m probably passed out right now in our bed with no chance of waking up anytime soon. I was up at six am to start breakfast for kids who had nothing better to do than argue over who had more eggs on their plate. Then after sitting through two episodes of Paw Patrol that seemed longer than any Stephen King movie, we attempted to play outside before it started raining. That led to a complete and utter melt down from our kid who has major issues with change. Then lunch happened and you clearly should be able to see how that didn’t go according to plan.

Thank you for being so understanding.

XOXO,

Your wife

PS – I really wouldn’t suggest snuggling with me because I haven’t showered in a week. I like to dream of long, hot showers by myself. Maybe one day.