Thanksgiving is approaching this week, a holiday where we give thanks for what we have in our lives. People are usually thankful for the typical things like family, friends, good health, etc. However, I am going to sound like a grateful but selfish brat at the same time and talk about things that I am thankful for but also some things that I wish I was thankful for, but am not.
I wish I was thankful for the siblings I have. I come from a large family; I have three brothers and three sisters. We do not get along. When we all were little, we did not know any better but to get along as our parents have taught us. As we got older though, true signs of my siblings began to show. I not only changed, but they changed as well. I am not a perfect sister, but no one is a perfect sibling. I will not go into detail about the problems I have with my siblings and me, but I know that I cannot be thankful for them. Do I wish them the best? Of course I do. At the end of the day I am sure they all mean well; but sometimes, even if you're blood-related, you just drift apart and issues arise.
The people I am most thankful for, though, are my parents. I love my parents. They go above and beyond for me and do whatever they can to help me. They have stayed with me as I have endured many hospital visits due to my illnesses, bought me surprise gifts just to make me feel better when I was sad, came to all of my dance shows, lent me money when needed--these are only a few of the many wonderful things that they do for me. I love them endlessly to say the least and for them I am thankful.
I wish I was thankful for having a close group of friends, but I am not as I do not possess that. I am not thankful for the "friends" who continually talk to me just because they want something and take advantage of my kindness when I know that in the end, they do not want to be my friend. I am the person who always gives them a call, buys them gifts, invites them to do something fun when they are sad, give them advice when problems arise, offers comfort in time of need and listens to their problems. When I am in need of friends, though, it seems that they turn the other way, point the finger at me, blame me for things and treat me as if I am a horrible person. I am not thankful for my "friends" who treat me as though I am a worthless piece of garbage.
What I am thankful for are my actual friends who text and call me to make sure I am okay. Who buy me gifts on special occasions or just because they want to. Who are actually understanding and nonjudgmental of me. For those who take the time to hang out with me. For those who keep in touch with me near or far.
I am also thankful for relatives and neighbors who would go to great lengths just to help me in times of need. Most importantly, I am thankful for those people who will solve problems with me when they arise to sustain our relationships.
For those who are my true friends, supportive relatives and neighbors, I am thankful.
I wish I was thankful for the many illnesses and diseases I face in my life, but those things usually are not something to be thankful for. I am not sure why I was struck with a nerve disease at the age of 15 and forced to put my dancing dreams of being on a dance competition away. I do not enjoy wearing leg braces all day just to walk and having people make fun of me--from calling me "the chick with leg braces" to making fun of the sneakers I have to wear. I did not enjoy the treatments and sicknesses I got from my nerve disease, ranging from fevers to headaches.
I also do not enjoy suffering from many mental illnesses that consume me everyday. The nerve disease is bad enough. I hate not being able to sleep, eat right when I actually want to, enjoy time spent with friends and just have a stable life.
What I am thankful for are the doctors who go above and beyond for me to be in remission. I now do not need treatments and can dance again, one of my favorite things to do. I am thankful for my therapists, who help me cope with my daily struggles and help me get a tiny bit better everyday. I am thankful to have a support system that cares for my physical and mental well-being as I continue to try to be happy and healthy.
I wish I was thankful for all of the jobs I have worked so for, but I am not thankful for most of them. I am not thankful for where my college degree has taken me. Am I proud of my degree? Absolutely. But, I wish I had more guidance in college to help me figure out what I actually wanted to do. I am not thankful for some of the restaurant jobs and clothing store jobs I had to work just to meet ends meet. I am not thankful that we now live in a world where college is expensive and I need a master's degree telling me I am qualified in something when I know I possess the skills.
I am, however, thankful for my college experience and I would not trade it for the world. It has forever changed who I am in many great ways and has introduced me to amazing people and opportunities to do things that I enjoy, such as dancing and acting. I am thankful for the professors and staff members that supported me on my journey. I am thankful that college gave me a chance to turn dancing into a possible career, in which I now hold two part-time dance positions. Overall, I am thankful for the memories that my college has given me.
I may not be thankful for the typical things such as a great family and good career. But, what I have learned is you have to choose the little things that make you happy and be thankful for those; they matter the most.
Happy Thanksgiving!