With it being Thanksgiving week, you're probably hearing a lot of what people are thankful for. They're probably thankful for stuff like friendship or love, family or the overcoming of hardship. Well, I'm here to tell you some things that I'm technically thankful for, I guess.
These are also perfect dinner conversations with your family on Thanksgiving day. You're welcome.
1. Three more years of President Trump
Three years is less than four am I right or am I right, folks.
2. Global warming
Global warming means the planet is heating up, which means no more brutally cold winters, right? Soon I'll be tanning on my back porch in the middle of January with no threat of rising oceans, only rising temperatures.
3. The Second Amendment
It's a good thing nothing is being reformed in the gun industry! I sure would hate it if I couldn't get a gun quick and easy. No change must mean there's nothing wrong with the current system, clearly.
4. Carbon Dioxide Emissions
With the rising levels, plants can get more carbon dioxide which in turn gives us more oxygen because science (Disclaimer: not a scientist).
(This article was written satirically. If you choose to believe that I think global warming only contributes to warmer winters, I guess that's your choice. Also, bring up these topics at dinner at your own risk)