I learned a lot about myself in 2017. I learned that I have OCD and anxiety; I lost my boyfriend, and I have had my fair share of breakdowns. Those were the hardest parts of my year. I didn’t think I would be able to get through any of it. I even had suicidal thoughts, just so that everything would stop happening right after another. I felt defeated, broken, lost, and barely alive.
One time, I stayed in bed for three days straight. Sleeping with my phone on "Do Not Disturb" mode and the blinds closed. My mom would check on me, but I was always sleeping. That is when I knew that I had hit rock bottom. I didn’t talk to my friends or boyfriend at the time, and I barely ate anything. It was probably the worst three days of my life.
I gathered myself after those three days because I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was. If I was going to get better mentally, I needed to do something to control it. Or even just to be able to live with it. I then went to a Christian retreat, and the sermons we talked about related to my life. I knew I needed to trust God. I grew closer to Him which turned into a plus side of 2017.
I then learned that to get through anything, I needed to act. I needed to see my psychologist, I needed to learn how to meditate, and I needed to learn how to deal with my anxiety when my OCD had gotten the best of me. I soon figured out how to make it to where I wasn’t haunted by my mind.
Then, I lost my boyfriend right before school started, and it honestly was the worst pain I have ever gone through. I was scared that I wasn’t going to get through what I was going through alone. He was there to help me when my anxiety hit me. He reminded me everything was okay. Then boom, he was gone. But that didn’t stop me from making my freshman year of college the best it could be. I made a lot of new friends, joined a sorority, joined Odyssey, and a volunteering group, and it has been a remarkable experience.
2017 taught me not who I was, but who I can be. I can be strong, I can be beautiful, I can be who I want to be. I am still in the middle of figuring out who I am, which is what I hope to find out in 2018.
I wouldn’t take back what I went through in 2017 because it only made me stronger. It was the end of everything, and now it is the beginning of figuring out who I am meant to be. I hope 2018 is full of life, happiness, and fun. I hope to find out who I am and where life will take me.
I can’t wait to see what this year brings. The new people I will meet, the places I will go, and how closer I will get in my relationship with God. I know that a lot of the popular “New Year Resolutions” are to be healthy, or travel, or something other than what mine are. I want to be mentally okay and be happy alone. I want to learn how to be in love with myself, and I can only hope for the best in 2018.