A Thank You To The Boys Who Wronged Me

A Thank You To The Boys Who Wronged Me

Thank you. Yes, I said it.

To the boys who wronged me,

Thank you. Yes, I said it. I said thank you. You opened endless doors of opportunity for me to find exactly who I am. You have helped me see that all I need to do is love myself! But when I say "all I need" as if loving yourself is some simple task, I really mean thank you for leading me to nights of tears and wads of Kleenex sprawled around my head as I woke from the damp pillow wondering what I did wrong. But I had done nothing wrong. Nothing at all.

If you've ever been told "she's better than you'll ever be," you will begin to understand just how incredibly motivating it is. You are trying to tell me that some other girl is superior to me? Not a chance. No sir, do not try and tear me down and turn me against my own sisters. I will show you just how I am uniquely wonderful in my own ways. I will show you what you're missing--what you will never again have the chance to have.

Now, I'm not saying that my ex-boyfriends are at fault or that the boy who continuously left me on read should take credit for how awesome I am today. I just want to thank them for showing me on my way, on to a better life for myself. This also is most definitely not an "I hate boys" article. It's just about being comfortable with yourself. Because we all know loving yourself just doesn't happen. There is so much more than just being happy with yourself. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of confidence.

Sticking with your own opinions, your own beliefs, backing yourself up when no one else will, that takes guts. And girl, you know you wouldn't have had the guts to do it before, but you've learned how to. When he walked out on you, you really didn’t know exactly how to fly on your own. It’s an interesting thing to experience because each person does it differently. High school love seems to have a weird effect on people, and in high school, you are supposed to start finding yourself. And I did, with the help from some of those boys.

I was wrapped up in this thought that love was perfect and finding someone else was the way I’d become something more whole. The other day, I read something that went along the lines of “I am not searching for my other half, because I am already a whole.” This was beyond compelling to me, because I am a whole. I used to think I needed someone else’s love, reassurance, just another human to define me as whole. I am whole, and because I am whole, I’m not looking for another half to complete me. I’m looking for another whole to make a beautiful life with. Figuring this all out at a young age is pretty liberating. It shows me not to lower my standards, and I think every single girl should know their worth.

So thank you to the boys who tossed me aside, thank you to the boys who wouldn’t give me a second glance, thank you to the boys who just stopped replying. You lead me down this wonderful road of self-love and discovery of just how amazing I am. Thank you for convincing me that I didn’t need one of you to make me whole. I am whole alone. And that doesn’t mean I don’t need anyone ever, it just means I know how to be alone on my own. So, yes, thank you to the boys who wronged me.
Cover Image Credit: GoldWallpapers.com

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To The 20-Year-Old Girl Dating A 45-Year-Old Man, From The Child Of An Age Gap Relationship

Please know what your getting into.

Recently, I've seen a few stories on the Odyssey discussing age gap in relationships.

They all seem to be written by girls who are dating men who are 20 years or more their senior. The articles talk about how love is love, the heart wants what it wants and that no one will change their mind about their relationship. I respect everyone's right to their opinion and their happiness. If you really think it works for you, then go for it. However, you should know what you are getting into completely before fully committing to this.

I am a child of parents with a large age gap. My dad is 23 years older than my mom. They got married when he was 50 and she was 26. My dad was 65 by the time I was born. I love my parents but here's why I think we should be wary of large age gap relationships

Disclaimer: my parents both know and understand my feelings on this. They know I wrote this article and that they are mentioned. I wouldn't trade or change them or their relationship. My parents have provided me with a wonderful life full of love, family, and happiness. Because of them, I've been given financial stability, a safe environment, an education and a huge, loving family. Things have worked out for our family, especially given the circumstances. However, that doesn't mean I would recommend a large age gap relationship. It may seem like nothing now, but the years between you and your significant other will catch up to you.

My dad is now 86 and struggling. He has trouble taking care of himself.

He needs help with almost everything. He can't be left alone for more than an hour or two. He has nurses come three times a week to help with his care. He needs someone present when my mom leaves the house to work part-time. His memory is fading, his health is declining and it seems that he slips out of lucidity more often these days.

My mom is now a full-time caregiver more than a wife.

She does an amazing job making sure my dad is content and taken care of. However, it is draining. She is still young enough to want to go out and do things. She wants to go on vacations and hang out friends. But most of the time, she is at home watching my dad. She is following her wedding vows to a tee but that doesn't mean it is easy. She struggles with guilt sometimes over the entire situation.

Then there is me. Because of my parents' age gap, I have been put in a difficult place.

I've had to watch my dad slip away physically and mentally for a good portion of my life. I try to help out but it is not always an easy thing to do. I will go watch TV with him so my mom can get out for an hour. Unfortunately, I usually end up calling her home because something arises that I can't handle alone. I have gone over to their house many times to help pick my dad up because he fell and refuses to let someone call the EMTs. I have changed college and life plans in order to stay close to home. I have known since I was little that my dad most likely won't be there for my wedding. He won't meet my children. I have struggled with my relationship with him due to the immense age gap. It is all I have ever known but it is something that still greatly affects me. I love my dad with everything I have, but that doesn't make the situation easier.

So my warning to you is this; be prepared for what is down the road.

Know that your age difference of 18 and 40 doesn't seem like anything now but it will at 60 and 82. It will be difficult for everyone involved. As a wife, you will slowly watch the man you loved slip away. Your kids will have to deal with struggles that no one else will understand. It is a lonely and painful situation. Before you make any drastic decisions, please understand what is coming.

If you decide that is what's right for you, then, by all means, go for it! but just understand the consequences of your choices.

Cover Image Credit: PX Here

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To The Boy Who Never Really Cared About Me

It's my world, you were just passing through.

Love is patient, love is kind.

Oh, how I wish I could press rewind.

I believed you when you told me you cared.

I believed you when you promised to keep my secrets I shared.

You used my naive heart for pieces in a game that wasn’t yours to win.

You will always have those parts of me which infuriates me to no end.

I shared pieces of me with you that I can never get back.

No one will ever be able to give you the compassion you lack.

You let me think that it was real.

But your true intentions were concealed.

I should’ve waited on the one who loved me.

But you are the reason I am as strong as the waves at sea.

I know you will never say you’re sorry, and that’s okay.

Someone else can now deal with the lies you say.

You knew you were never going to be the one.

Was embarrassing me really that much fun?

I kept going back to your heartless company.

Knowing that my “love” for you was unaccompanied.

I now know what love is and what is meant by it.

He tells me I’m smart, pretty, and funny and isn’t afraid to commit.

Finding someone who cares is a hard thing to come by these days.

But real love shouldn’t have to be a maze.

I thought I loved you when I was 14,15, and even 16.

Now I think you are the worst movie I have ever seen.

You will never change for anyone.

Your karma has not yet begun.

I will thrive and conquer the world by myself.

I hope the same for you.

You never again will have a picture on my shelf.

It’s my world, you were just passing through.

Cover Image Credit: Peri Decoteau

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