A Thank You To The Boys Who Wronged Me

A Thank You To The Boys Who Wronged Me

Thank you. Yes, I said it.

To the boys who wronged me,

Thank you. Yes, I said it. I said thank you. You opened endless doors of opportunity for me to find exactly who I am. You have helped me see that all I need to do is love myself! But when I say "all I need" as if loving yourself is some simple task, I really mean thank you for leading me to nights of tears and wads of Kleenex sprawled around my head as I woke from the damp pillow wondering what I did wrong. But I had done nothing wrong. Nothing at all.

If you've ever been told "she's better than you'll ever be," you will begin to understand just how incredibly motivating it is. You are trying to tell me that some other girl is superior to me? Not a chance. No sir, do not try and tear me down and turn me against my own sisters. I will show you just how I am uniquely wonderful in my own ways. I will show you what you're missing--what you will never again have the chance to have.

Now, I'm not saying that my ex-boyfriends are at fault or that the boy who continuously left me on read should take credit for how awesome I am today. I just want to thank them for showing me on my way, on to a better life for myself. This also is most definitely not an "I hate boys" article. It's just about being comfortable with yourself. Because we all know loving yourself just doesn't happen. There is so much more than just being happy with yourself. It takes a lot of practice and a lot of confidence.

Sticking with your own opinions, your own beliefs, backing yourself up when no one else will, that takes guts. And girl, you know you wouldn't have had the guts to do it before, but you've learned how to. When he walked out on you, you really didn’t know exactly how to fly on your own. It’s an interesting thing to experience because each person does it differently. High school love seems to have a weird effect on people, and in high school, you are supposed to start finding yourself. And I did, with the help from some of those boys.

I was wrapped up in this thought that love was perfect and finding someone else was the way I’d become something more whole. The other day, I read something that went along the lines of “I am not searching for my other half, because I am already a whole.” This was beyond compelling to me, because I am a whole. I used to think I needed someone else’s love, reassurance, just another human to define me as whole. I am whole, and because I am whole, I’m not looking for another half to complete me. I’m looking for another whole to make a beautiful life with. Figuring this all out at a young age is pretty liberating. It shows me not to lower my standards, and I think every single girl should know their worth.

So thank you to the boys who tossed me aside, thank you to the boys who wouldn’t give me a second glance, thank you to the boys who just stopped replying. You lead me down this wonderful road of self-love and discovery of just how amazing I am. Thank you for convincing me that I didn’t need one of you to make me whole. I am whole alone. And that doesn’t mean I don’t need anyone ever, it just means I know how to be alone on my own. So, yes, thank you to the boys who wronged me.
Cover Image Credit: GoldWallpapers.com

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Relationship Abuse: Getting Caught Up In Making Someone Else Happy That You Forget About Your Own Happiness

Keep fighting for your sanity

Over the past few weeks I’ve had some major changes take place in my life. I’ve moved from Connecticut back to my home state of Georgia. I’ve ended a horrible relationship and the sad part is; I don’t even miss him. Yes, there were a few tears, but they weren’t sad ones. More like tears of utter joy and freedom.

So, my question to you is: when do you know that it’s time to break up? When is enough, enough?

Just a little run down on my past relationship to fill you so I can be justified in my decision to part ways. I spent the most of my time caring for the other person and trying to make their life perfect. I didn’t complain because Lord knows he did enough of that for the both of us.

My time, energy, and emotions were constantly spent trying to be everything that I possibly could for him and, yet I constantly asked myself if it was enough. I got so caught up in trying to make someone else happy that I completely lost sight of my true happiness.

I suffered in silence most of the time except when I had met my mental capacity for the bullshit. I put myself in counseling because I needed the time to just get it all out. I needed someone to vent my frustrations to. I would leave my sessions feeling drained and just spent from all the emotions that would come out.

My cellphone was a tracking device. I couldn’t be gone an hour without that all too familiar call of ‘where are you? When will you be back?’

It drove me to the point of madness, not like crazy madness. Just that state of mind. I was irritable and always in a horrible mood. I felt trapped and smothered. I know that a committed relationship is a big step.

Living together is a must but then it comes to the point when you suffer emotionally from the strain that the relationship puts on you I think it’s time to walk away. But the person I lived with didn’t want to take me for my word that I was unhappy and wanted a break. So, what was I to do?

How was I supposed to make them see? What was it going to take?

When I decided that I had finally had enough I did the only thing I could do. I booked a flight back to Georgia and decided that was where I was going to stay. Even after saying that I was done, just finished and couldn’t take anymore he still called trying to change my mind. ‘I’ll change, I’ll be better.’

I still couldn’t deal with the fact that he simply wasn’t hearing me. I mean how many ways can a person say that they need space before the other person gets the hint?

And of course, I was made out to be the bad one. I was causing him pain and I didn’t care about him. That’s all he ever cared about; his well-being. If I was unhappy it was ok because it didn’t affect him, and my problems were mine to work through on my own. There was no US unless HE was happy.

Every friend I talked to told me the same thing. Get out and walk away!

So, would you? Would you leave a relationship after you’ve tried talking to the person and explaining your unhappiness and they still wouldn’t listen?

Would you feel better after suffering months of mental and emotional abuse to finally walk out and gain back your freedom and sense of self-worth?

I suffered from relationship abuse, don’t let the same thing happen to you. If you’re fighting for your sanity and trying to keep yourself from going crazy; take my advice and leave while you can. Don’t stay trapped.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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It's Hard To Accept The Apology He Never Gave You

Even though you deserve for him to be sorry, it's OK if he's not.

One of the hardest things to do is find a way to move on without closure. It’s picking yourself up without ever understanding why everything became a mess in the first place.

It’s drowning in sorrows, soaking up all the pain and watching your self-worth dwindle away while you wait for the apology that is never going to come.

The thing is, sometimes you really do deserve an apology.

A person’s inability to acknowledge how they mistreated you is not a reflection of you as a person. He spun you in circles, drowned your heart in confusion and left you dizzy and broken.

But even though you deserve for him to be sorry, and you deserve for him to say it, you absolutely do not need it.

Somewhere along the way, someone convinced you that the only way to have closure was to have one last, heartfelt conversation with him. You just want some explanation as to why he was tearing you apart.

But let me ask you this, does that really make it better?

Is being destroyed in person better than through a text? Is that last conversation going to mend all the broken pieces you’re left with in the end?

He was unfair. He was wrong. He should be sorry.

But it’s OK if he's not.

Just because you deserve better, doesn’t mean what you once had didn’t mean something. Things that broke along the way do not remove your value, nor what that man once meant to you.

You’ve allowed this to define you and strip you of your self-worth. You’ve allowed yourself to believe that you cannot move forward without receiving some sort of validation for what happened.

Well here is your validation:


You don’t need him to say he’s sorry. You don’t need him to miss you. You don’t need him to regret the situation.

You are more than enough.

You are valid in your feelings and your frustration. You are valid in your want for closure and for a genuine apology.

I am sorry it has come to this. I am sorry you are heartbroken.

But as far as moving on, you’ve got this.

You are OK, and even if you’re not, it’s OK to not be OK. Closure is just accepting that a situation is over and finding a way to move on.

Accept that you deserve an apology. That’s all you really need. You deserve it. You are worth it. You are absolutely amazing on your own.

So pick yourself up, and fly.

You’ve got this.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

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