Thank You Notes From Claire
Entertainment

Thank You Notes From Claire

In the style of Jimmy Fallon...

28
Richfield Chambers of Commerce

It is important for us to give thanks- as a nation, as a people, as individuals. Thankfulness allows us to recenter ourselves on our blessings rather than dwell in the sea of negativity that surrounds us. Without thankfulness, we will drown. Well, a lifesaver would work too, but that is beside the point.

I will be honest with you. I am not really a glass half full girl so as an exercise to challenge myself I have written heartfelt thank you notes to all of the things that this week I am thankful for. I challenge all of you to do the same.

Thank you Netflix,

For endlessly providing reasons to procrastinate. The student body can attribute to you- and you, alone- the progress reports that come home this week. Parents and teachers everywhere are eternally grateful.

Thank you Apple,

For introducing another screen to stare at all day long- this one attached to our bodies for convenience. Now, you have created a miniature iPhone watch to replace the standard watch that was replaced by the regular sized iPhone. Ingenious.

Thank you Donald Trump,

For your tweets that never fail to make us laugh. Then cry. Then panic and lock ourselves in a safe house far far away.

Thank you varying News Outlets,

For constantly making the American public as a whole freak the **** out. We know that you are all just laughing in the news room watching chaos occur right outside your window. Yeah, I am talking to you Matt Lauer.

Thank you Tennessee Weather,

For keeping us on our toes. One second we are in the middle of the blizzard and the next we are in bikinis. You have taught us to appreciate layered outfits.

Thank you College Admission Offices,

For tormenting unstable teenagers praying daily for a letter in the mail to their dream school. Yeah, you guys are right up there with Matt, you sadists.

Thank you, American Consumerism,

For convincing us at every corner that we are not pretty enough or skinny enough and if we had THIS new product that we would look like Beyonce. First off, that’s a lie. Secondly, the very next ad of the TV is a cheeseburger. Really?

Thank you Senioritis,

For draining the motivation of seniors around the country. Please give it back. We are begging you.

Thank you Valentine’s Day,

For being the worst holiday known to man. Literally, all you are is a ploy by “the Man” to by Hallmark cards and eat chocolate. But you do bring after Valentine’s day sale candy. And that is okay. I guess.

Thank you 2017,

You have exceeded all of our expectations in the worst possible way. Congrats. Here is to ten more months to do even more damage.

Yours truly,

Claire Chesney

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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