To everyone I have met in my life,

As I am writing this, I’m almost asleep. I’m distracted by multiple YouTube tabs and news articles I neglected to read, and thinking about this year, and you, in a room warm enough to not shiver in these fall months.

Sometimes, I think I’m one of the loneliest people in the world. Surely, I have people praising me for my questions, and commenting on how kind I am, and I swing myself along with those who want to have a little bit of fun. On the inside, however, I’m an empty shell, like a glass without a liquid of choice, whether it be milk, water, coffee, or tea.

I’ve never been good at making friends; once I’ve made them, I frequently cling onto the ones I want to know, and unintentionally push away those I do not. To those who felt stifled by my never-ending neediness for attention or my unintentional behaviors which look like I don’t want to be there, I’m sorry. If there’s something I want to work on as I look at breaking away from the embrace of Seattle, it’s how to better interact with people and to create new bonds beyond the veneer of likability.

I also find myself becoming good friends - if not codependent - on my computer for entertainment. Throughout my entire life, I find it to be more “understanding” than others, as it doesn’t object to my actions, or possess emotions which turn me off. I could interact with it at any time, and it wouldn’t be annoying. However, it also adds up in bytes filled up with pictures and time lost when I could have done other things in life, like reading, writing, and interacting with you, my dear people!

Regardless, as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I just wanted to say thank you for existing in my life, whether it be through wild messages about politics or silly videos or inside jokes or playing card games or general support. A lot of my work comes within the depths of my mind, and I believe I can create without people.

A lot of my best memories are with the people I enjoy - one of my favorite memories from my senior year was during our retreat, where the class would bond together through activities, lunches, boat-construction, and free time. During the evening, there was a bonfire, where people roasted s'mores and told stories. And there was another group of people who played a spinning game - trying to get dizzy while looking at a specific object. I did get dizzy that night, and the smoke from the bonfire got into my eyes. But everyone was there and I enjoyed their company and we got to talk frequently.

Another memory of mine was when my mentor from freshman year invited me to Rick’s Ice Cream, a cheap place in Haggett, with some of her friends. I thought they would be people I saw and who I hung out with once, never to be seen again. However, they turned out to be the closest people I met while I was in college, and we talk about everything under the sun.

Even though we may not meet up as much anymore, I want to thank everyone for having the opportunity to open some of yourself to me. And I hope you enjoyed what I opened to you.