They say love is blind, love is the greatest pain in your life. If anything, I've learned it's true. I know now why people love so hard, because it's the closest thing we have to anything magical. It's a beautiful thing isn't it? How it all hurts when we are broken but we never give up. But sometimes it's what's best; to let go of the one we love because it gets to the point where it can consume you, destroy you. But while doing so it makes one stronger and better because they learn what they're worth. I keep so much pain inside myself. I grasp my anger and loneliness and hold it in my chest.

It has changed me into something i never meant to be. But it's both a good and bad thing. But I don't know how to let go. Everything meant so much to me, but that may just be me. Somebody please tell me you've got love figured out, because I got news for you; it's pretty darn messy right now. But I guess it has always been that way. Wanting to be loved, to find somebody that makes your heart ache in a good way ... feel understood. So ... if you're robots, or aliens, or something and you don't have that, that feeling no longer exists; well ... you missed it ... and I feel sorry for you.'Cuz as far as I can tell, that's what it's all about. A lesson i'm learning is Don't cry for a guy, let a guy cry for you. Cause girls give and forgive, but guys get and forget.

I don't know what hurts most. The fact that I was stupid enough to let you deceive me, or that it was my mistake to believe every word you told me. Who would've thought that love, or loving someone could hurt so much. You open yourself up thinking it'll be okay. At first it does, and then. It shatters and destroys you. the moment you decided to finally leave me, my heart was split in two one side filled with memories; the other side died with you. I often lay awake at night when the world is fast asleep,almost every night and I take a trip down memory lane with tears upon my check. Remembering you is easy, I do it everyday; but missing you is a heartache that never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart and there you will remain, you see life has gone on without you, but it will never be the same. The narcissist sociopath, also known as love chose me because I was brilliant, bright, compassionate and caring. I defeated the monster of heartbreak that came along with it, with my beautiful and fragile heart. I became stronger in the process.I keep my integrity and heart intact. I know the kind of women i am now. Im quirky, silly, blunt, and broken. My days are sometimes too dark, and my nights are sometimes too long. I often trip over my insecurities. I require attention, long for passion and long to be desired, for I never had that before. I use music, art and writing to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe. I love hard and with all that I have and even with my faults i'm worth living. I used to care so much. I used fight for this. I tried my hardest to hold on and keep you but you didn't want this as much as I did. I didn't lose you. Let's be honest, you lost me.

I think it's time i let you go. And that's so hard to do because a part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it's not healthy. I can't do that anymore. I don't hate you, But loving you is killing me. So i'm going to say goodbye even if i don't want it to be. This week I realized something, you don't care anymore. And then i realized, you probably never did anyways. And the saddest part of it all is that you made me believe you did. All i ever wanted was effort, the treatment i deserved. I gave my time, patience and energy to this relationship that later began feeling like a situational hell.

I was trying to be good enough for someone who was comfortable with mishandling my heart. I'm done. With the words you told me and actions that say another. With every indecision. I see clearly now that if you genuinely wanted to give me your time and affection, then i wouldn't have had to beg or be insecure. I gave you my heart, my body and myself completely, and you took it all for granted. What sucks about it all it that when i told you no one else would have me like you do, i wasn't saying it just to make you feel better. Because you were the first to see me naked, not with clothing, but me; my soul and who i am. And i don't trust anyone anymore to open myself up like i have shown you.

Love is an illusion to me now. I don't know if i'll ever let anyone in again, give myself to someone the way i did to you, and it may be years because i'm not the type of women to do that. I don't want anyone to see me vulnerable ever again. Cause you hurt me so bad and I am afraid to be vulnerable again. I am always going to be afraid of you and the way you make me feel. My mistake was holding on to something i knew i had to let go of. The amount of hope and faith i had for us was never enough. I gave you everything i could, and it just wasn't enough for you, which meant i wasn't. You're right. I do deserve better than this, but i don't think i'll ever get it. I know part of this is my fault, all of it, but the illusion i created that you loved me as much as i did, was a mistake.

I don't regret being with you, i just regret being vulnerable. You said you loved me, you said you'd never leave. You told me you wanted me, always and forever. Remember everything you told me.all those times when i was crying saying i knew i was losing you, you held me so close, wiped my tears and looked at me in the eyes, and told me you weren't going anywhere and i had you, all of you. Why did you do that if you knew it wasn't true? How you couldn't stand being away from me, you showed me you loved me, you showed the people around us how much you loved me, and you know what i wish you never did because you showed me you didn't mean any of it. You said you loved me not even two days before our story ended, that you wanted the same stuff i did. We had made so many plans, for when you came back and that whole year. And because you couldn't handle things happening to me, which you know isn't my fault, you said " i can't worry about you the rest of my life", and it shattered me,it was true you didn't deserve it, and you called me a lying bitch. I wanted you to fight for me when i said we were done, i wanted to know i was worth fighting for. I wanted you to fight for me.

I wanted you to say there was no one else you could ever be with and that you would rather be alone then without me. I wanted the boy from those nights telling me that we were meant to be together and nothing would come between us. The boy I met 3 years ago. Now I see, I wasn't worthy. See that's where I know my mistakes now. I love you, but we would go days without having a meaningful conversation, and I used to miss you so much when that happened, but it never seemed like you missed me… And because of it, I stopped missing you as much whenever you left and when it didn't happen. It was selfish of me to keep you. But those nights, where we were alone and the many times I asked you if you wanted to leave,you told me you didn't, you told me I was the one and I wish you hadn't; because what you did was wrong, you led me on, and you, maybe,knew what you were doing. And that's when I realized I had enough. I know you were there for me, you gave me a smile back, a real one. I will always cherish you for that.

You made me believe so many things, that now I don't know what to see, trust and believe. I wish I knew the real reason why you gave up. Was it me, my clinginess, me not being good enough, so much happening to me? Stuff I don't ask for and keep suffering for. In that 1 year anniversary letter you said so many things, and I don't know if they're true. I'm sure you meant everything at the time. You made feel like I was worth something, anything. I thank you so much for that. Like I was meant to do great things. You believed in me, and you were proud of me when I got through the hard things. And you know why I saw the good in you, that you say you don't have? And you may not see it Because when someone sees the good in you, they expect good, and you just don't want to live up to others expectations. I know that, I've been there. You are meant for great things, you don't believe in yourself, but I do. Always have and always will. The moment I met you, I knew you were great. I know you're hurting too, maybe not the same way, or about me. But I know you're hurting, I'm not stupid. I hope someone can open your eyes more, show you what you are capable of. You are going to be someone so great, and a better man. I know it. And if I can't be the one to do it, then so be it. But please whoever comes next, treat them with care. No one deserves to go through the first heartbreak or any pain.

It's not just emotional pain, it's mental too, and it destroys someone so hard and it changes them, either for the good or the bad. Just be happy, and it's all I want for you. Don't forget me, and everything good that happened between us. Please. I don't want to be just another girl. A memory. I know now you didn't deserve all of me, but you did deserve someone being there for you and loving you. But one thing I know I deserve from you , if not your love, I deserve to be remembered as the girl you once loved and respect. That's all I ask of you, it's the least you owe me for what you did. I know I will but that's up to you. Forget it if you want.

Goodbye. I wish you the best in everything with all my heart, and please don't give up on people, prove them wrong. You are a strong man. At this moment there are 7,474,946,480 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Seven billion people in the world. Seven billion souls. And sometimes — all you need is one. Find that one, one day. You deserve it, and everything good, aside from what you did to me. It's who I am to forgive people, and you know that.

Thank you. For teaching me self love and worth.