It seems a little bit ridiculous, doesn’t it? Being thankful that such a grueling, exhausting, and heartbreaking event happened to the people I love most must make me a horrible person. Well, not quite. Despite all the pain and suffering, I still believe that my parents' divorce was the best thing to happen to my family.

I knew that their marriage wasn't quite right long before the news came. I wasn't surprised; I was hurt, confused, and too young to understand. But as the years went on, I realized that staying together would have done more harm than good. Sure, our family would have stayed under one roof, but how much does that matter when everyone is hurting? Divorce allowed for my parents to be healthy, and it challenged me to grow up a lot.

Because of their divorce, my sister and I are closer than we ever would be otherwise. The tragedy that struck our family drove us together; we were the only ones who could be there for each other every minute of every night and day. We knew the ins and outs of mom’s and dad’s house, and we figured out how to adjust to them not being the same house anymore. Sometimes our parents couldn’t be there, but we were always there for each other.

I became a stronger person. As the oldest, I felt that the responsibility of keeping everyone happy fell on my shoulders. I helped around the house so that my Mom didn’t feel alone. I occupied my sister so my Dad could go on a walk to clear his head. I played with my sister so that she wouldn’t have to think about how our parents weren’t a dynamic duo anymore.

Sometimes it felt like my parents were playing a game. They seemed to be in competition for a prize they could never attain. Maybe there was no prize. The problem with my parents being on different “teams” is that they often forgot they were fighting for the same thing. Through all the pain, harsh words, and so much more I will never know (and don’t care to know for that matter), they seemed to have forgotten that in the end, they wanted the same thing: to be happy and have happy and healthy daughters. My parents' divorce taught me that motives are important and that to understand someone’s actions, you have to first understand where they’re coming from. (This comes with additional wisdom; thanks for that too.)

I learned that family is more than the Mom and Dad who bring you into the world. My Dad fell in love and got married again, and now I have more siblings, nephews (hopefully, a niece someday), and another set of grandparents. Your family is the people you run to for the good and the bad. They are the people there with you for every birthday party, Christmas, and family reunion with spotty Wi-Fi (lol). The love of a family runs deep, even if it doesn’t travel back to your birth.

Through 10 years of therapy, I learned the meaning of self-love. Therapy started as help with divorce and then helped with other things. I’ve spent a lot of time learning how to cope, live a healthy life, and respond to the destructive feelings of hurt, anger, and disappointment. I learned how to recognize healthy (and unhealthy) relationships. In the decade since their divorce, I have seen my parents come out of that dark place. Divorce has taught me that not everyone heals the same way or at the same pace, but with self-love, we all heal.

Divorce taught me the meaning of love. Love is not coming together in your mid-twenties, dating, getting married, having a few kids, growing old, and dying together. It can be that, but it does not need to check all of the boxes to be qualified as love. This is something I cannot stress enough to my millennial friends who are staying in toxic relationships because they think they should be in love. Love does not fit any formula nor can it be quantified into items on a checklist. The time it lasts— 10 days, 10 years, or a lifetime— does not automatically make (or not make) it love. While love sometimes comes and goes, it always has levels of extraordinary complexity. Fortunately, I have seen my parents fall in love with new people after leaving each other. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes not. With that, I have learned to appreciate love while you have it and let it go when it’s gone.

So thank you Mom and Dad for saving our family. Thank you for all the lessons that came with opportunities to grow. Thank you for always challenging me to be a better person and to evaluate the world for what it is. Honestly, thank you for getting divorced.