I'm The College Girl Absolutely TERRIFIED To Move On

I am a senior in college. I am also terrified to graduate, because around December, I'll lose the safety net that gives me an excuse to not know what I'm doing yet.

Now, it's like, I don't know what I'm doing yet, gonna wait and see what this year brings! Later, after I've had nearly a year to get things together that I should have been working on this whole time, I'll probably still feel just as stuck as I do now, if not more so.

I have a part-time job. I have my ongoing education. I have a support system of friends and family. Those are all amazing things that I'm so thankful for, but I know those things can only last for so long. To put it simply, my time for being a generally carefree college student is almost up, and I couldn't feel less elated.

I send my mind into a panic when I think about how I should be looking for internships or post-graduation, big-girl jobs. I freak out when I realize I could have been building a portfolio of things for my resume but I spent my time worrying about trivial things. A degree is a great thing to have earned, but employers look for experiences that you had in the meantime...and I'm woefully limited in those.

I know, I still have several months until that time comes, and nowadays it's a tad more regular to see a new college graduate looking for a good job for a little while. I just want to feel like my degree is useful. I could do a few things with my degree, but the opportunity I need to look for hasn't presented itself as of late.

I do have a tendency to overlook things that could make things better, and DEFINITELY have one to overthink. Maybe this rambling is an example of those tendencies, and I'm hoping it is. However, given that I see so many of my former classmates and current classmates and friends getting great jobs and starting their lives, the fear of missing out stresses me out so much more than it should.

Let's hope more of the excitement kicks in over the next few weeks and months, because I'd so much rather have the ceremony I've worked toward for what will be five full years be a happy one than one that will result in tears and anxiety. That wouldn't make for a good graduation party, now would it?

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