I go back to school in a week for my final semester of college, probably ever, and I am terrified.

Let's be real, I have absolutely no idea what I want to do after graduation. Like, not even a little bit. After I throw my cap in the air, everything is just a dark, endless mass of the unknown. People keep asking what my plans are and I just smile and say I don't know. And they get that look in their eyes like they pity me but don't know how to tell me that they're worried so they just say "mmmhhmmm" politely and change the subject.

It's getting awkward.

And It's not that I don't have anything to do. Yes, I will graduate with an English degree (cue audible gasps and further worries), but I've been planning for that for years. I actually just have too many plans that I am afraid to go for.

With an English degree, I can do a lot (I know, shocker- not just being a teacher!). I could go into journalism or media, marketing, editing, film, advertising, blah, blah, blah, you don't care. But the point is that I can do so much and I don't know how to pick. Or more like, I don't want to pick wrong and make a mistake.

Adulting scares the crap out of me.

Like, am I supposed to know what I want to do and who I want to be for the rest of my life? What if I decide to be a teacher or move to Canada and then years down the line decide that I actually want to be a pilot or a chef? What if I have 3 kids and a husband and then suddenly feel trapped in a suburban townhome in Philadelphia or I can't pay my mortgage and have to work at McDonald's for the rest of my life?

What if I just can't do it?

And the problem is that I want to try it all. I feel like I've already wasted so much time. I want to get out of the country and give back. I want to teach those who are unable to get an education otherwise. I want to see places I have never seen before, places that I've only dreamed of going, and places that are totally unexpected.

I want to move around and see if I can make it outside of my small little town. I want to move to New York or Canada or freakin' Hong Kong. I don't know. I want to get out. I want to get going. I just don't know how and if I'll even be ready for it.

It's safe to move back home and save up money. I know I can do that. It's an easy option. But maybe this is the time to do hard and rash things. To make mistakes, to get crappy jobs, to figure out what's out there, and to see what will actually make me happy.

I'm terrified to graduate. But I'm kind of excited to try something new.