Around this time two years ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and general anxiety disorder (GAD). ADHD and GAD I have come to understand over time. I have learned how they impact me short term and long term. Depression, however, is a different story. Until a couple days ago, I didn't realize how bad my depression actually was. My dear friend Kaitlin was understandably frustrated with me since she didn't fully know that it was depression affecting my mood.
I, of course, felt extremely awful about this and decided to send her a list of how depression is displayed in me both externally and internally. I did this for ADHD and GAD too, but depression was by far the hardest. I'm not going to share the list with you yet as I'm simply not ready for that, but I will tell you what it made me realize.
Opening up about my depression was the best choice I ever made. It required me to be deep, deeper and more vulnerable than I ever have before, and it required me to be 100% honest. And let me tell you, I held back nothing. I'm sure that some of the things I had in there shocked her since you'd never guess it was a lie. Sending Kaitlin this list helped me to get to know my depression and how it impacts me. Also, it made me realize that despite what my depression may tell me, I am loved. Kaitlin taking the time to read this list and start to grasp an understanding of me, it showed me how her feelings toward me are caring, loving, and genuine.
If you have depression, I encourage you to sit down in a quiet place and write down each and every way it affects you. Even if you don't show it to someone immediately, you yourself can reflect on the list. That being said, I once again encourage you to find someone you trust, a lovely confidant and let them read the list. Then you can at least have an accountability buddy in a sense or someone that can help you battle this brutal mental illness.
Shoutout to Kaitlin for being so loving and caring. You're absolutely wonderful.