We got our taxes done today and I had an interesting moment of realization. The amount of money that we had to pay in to the federal government in taxes on our income was as much as I had made in a year about fifteen years ago. Our accountant was saying how it goes to show that working people pay their fair share of taxes and that we were buying a few BRIDGE cards for others today. He and my husband were discussing if there were any other ways to change how much we pay in in the future and I just sat there, realizing what a privilege it is to pay my share.
I said out loud to both of them that I had an income of that amount years ago when I was a single mother, trying to keep a house, work, and go to school. I lived for a whole year on that amount that we now just have to pay in as a tax on income. With a child. My accountant said that I must have gotten a really big refund that year. Funny, I don't recall. When your money goes toward survival, you don't recall where it came from or how much it was, it is used for survival and you are just grateful for it.
I also told him that I felt like it was a privilege to buy some BRIDGE cards since I had one at one time and it is how my daughter and I ate for a year. I would always be glad to feed children whose parents cannot afford food.
It was not lost on me that this man was implying that people who work, have money, and pay into the government through taxes are inherently better people than those who are needing government help to survive. It was clear to me that he had never had to do that and therefore felt that he was in a superior position to judge those who do.
Let me be clear, there is not much that is more difficult than to look at your children and know that you are not sure that you will be able to keep a roof over their head, afford the gas to get them to school let alone field trips and book fairs, and that you do not have the training, education, skills, or ability to make the life changes necessary to change that.
Have you have ever had to stand in line and plead your case to a woman or man who has no sympathy for you or your situation because they see people like you all day everyday and they know how you people are, and so they treat you like a naughty child instead of a grown adult who is struggling? It does not feel amazing, it is not inspiring and it is not something you want to run out to the street and proclaim to the world.
Have you ever had someone in line behind you at the grocery store analyze what was on the conveyor belt out loud when they saw that you were going to use your BRIDGE card. Saying that people like you eat better than they do and they work hard for their money? I have. It hurts. Mostly because by the time you've actually gone through the process to get that BRIDGE card, you've already been judged, treated like a naughty child, felt inadequate as a parent for struggling to provide even the most basic needs for your child. You certainly aren't allowed any enjoyment or dignity in this world. Nope, only those who make a certain amount of money are allowed to enjoy life, have good food, or peace of mind.
No one cares what your story is, I learned that very quickly in my first interview to try to get assistance. I was treated like I had no education even though I was more than halfway through my Bachelor's degree. I was treated as if I had never contributed to this system that I now needed, even though for years before that I had been the sole provider for my family while my husband finished getting his college degree and had worked since I was fifteen years old and paid taxes. I was told by my pediatrician that she wouldn't see my daughter anymore because she didn't want to wait for the government to pay her, even though she had seen my daughter since she was born and we had never had a bill unpaid. It hurt.
The biggest eye opener for me while experiencing needing the welfare system was that I knew I was going to get off, but that most don't get to know that. I had hope going into it because I knew that if I could just finish my degree then I would be able to support myself and my child without help. I knew my shame and need were temporary and it was still hard. I cannot imagine if I had no skills, no education, no support, no knowledge that it was temporary. I learned empathy. It feels really shitty to be judged by someone who has never been in your shoes and who probably is fortunate enough that they won't ever have to.
That moment in the tax office made me think something that I never thought I would think EVER-that I am so grateful for that time in my life, even more so than for this present time in my life. It is easy to have money and to kid yourself that somehow that makes you a better, more worthwhile human being.The real test of a person is if you can believe through your hardship that you are just as worthwhile of a human being as the richest, most successful out there. Making it off welfare didn't make me a better person than I was when I was on it.
My accountant assumed that I had always had money and that I would want to take part in his griping about poor people. He didn't know that being one of "those people" had made me into a better, more compassionate, empathetic person who is slow to judge because she remembers how it feels to be judged. He didn't know that those experiences gave me the strength to look him in the face and tell him that it is a privilege to pay my taxes and that I hoped they were used to help others. Others who are no less deserving of dignity, joy, and respect than me. We have a lot to learn from each other, my wish for you is that you are grateful for any abundance you have and yet stay aware that having abundance doesn't make you better than someone who has received struggle instead.
