11 Things I'm Teaching My Son, Because I Won't Be Raising A F*ck Boy

11 Things I'm Teaching My Son, Because I Won't Be Raising A F*ck Boy

His future wife will thank me.
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Everyone knows the dating game in 2018 is troubled waters. Millennial men and millennial women seem to just not connect. And my theory as to why, is that while women have evolved through the decades, men have not, in terms of relationships. It was only a few decades ago that women weren't allowed to own land or vote, while women today have been raised to be independent. I remember dealing with a 60-something year old woman who didn't know how to write a check because her husband always did it for her and I was honestly a bit disgusted. Millennial women are not interested in being Susie Homemaker 24 hours a day. We are college educated, can pay their own bills and can change our own tires if we need to. It would seem that men today are completely confused by our independence. They were raised to be providers with the idea that a woman would be dependent on them and so there we have a disconnect.

Here is a list of 11 things I plan on raising my son to know.

1. Proper hygiene.

This includes washing his ass with a rag and getting manicures and pedicures. Running a wash rag with soap and water through your crack does not make a man gay. It makes him clean and a rids his body of crusty, stinky poo. (Yes, I really just typed that.) And as far as nails go, I don't know a woman who likes long, dirty, discolored nails on a man. Getting "manis" and "pedis" does not mean getting pink and white nail polish, it means trimming your cuticles, cutting your nails and getting the gunk from underneath them.

My son will also know how to groom himself because they unkempt hair and the sagging pants are very much played out.

2. How to cook.

Call me crazy for trying to live outside the bounds of this patriarchy, but I'm teaching my son how to cook. There is nothing cute about meeting a man whose go-to dinner is cereal. Cooking is not a "woman's" job. Cooking is what allows you to not drop dead from malnutrition and starvation. It is an essential part of life.

And I'll teach him that this little life hack will also help with getting a good woman. Women love a man that can cook. To be honest, a man that can cook better than me has a much better chance of getting into these panties. ijs. And a man who can't cook it a turn off. Women today want a partner, not a grown-ass man child that they need to prepare every meal for.

3. How to wash and fold clothes.

Again, this goes into the revolutionary idea of a man being able to take care of himself and not have to rely on a woman (whether it be me as his mother or his significant other) to complete simple household tasks. There is no excuse for not knowing how to work a washing machine and dryer.

4. How to grocery shop.

One of the most aggravating things about millennial men is that their moms didn't teach them how to grocery shop. Part of the problem may go back to the fact that many weren't taught to cook, but come on! What are you buying cereal for if you don't have milk? Why do you have four different kinds of cheese in your cart with no clue what you are going to make with them? Where are your vegetables?!

Speaking of veggies. I can't even tell you how many men I have met who have said they "don't eat vegetables." Excuse me sir, but this is why your stomach sticks. Your insides are probably tar. Immediate turnoff.

5. How to iron/sew.

This isn't necessarily about grooming the next big fashion designer, but sewing on a button and taking the wrinkles out of work pants really aren't that hard. I'll be damned if my son goes around looking a hot ass mess because he didn't have a woman around to iron his pants.

6. Violence does not equate to manliness.

There are many ways to prove that you're a man. Standing up against what is wrong, working hard to provide for yourself and your family, and sticking to your principles....all whilst possessing a penis. Ways that do not prove your manhood, but in fact exhibit bitchassness, include a hot temper and physical assault in situations that don't call for it.

7. Spending money on a woman is a personal choice and she doesn't owe you sex because of it.

One thing my son will know how to do is court a woman. Whatever happened to that? For whatever reason, millennial men today think that buying a woman a drink means she's taking them back to her house. Full stop. Her body belongs to her and her alone. If sex is what you're after, just ask.

There's nothing wrong with one night stands, but not all women are looking for that. Men need to be clear about their intentions when meeting a woman and if they are truly interested in her, they need to court her and be patient.

8. No means, "no."

And silence does not mean, "yes." It's not okay coarse a woman to have sex with you. If she wants to have sex with you, she can and will verbally say so.

It's also not okay to lie to a woman about intentions in order to sleep with them.

9. It's okay to cry.

Holding onto your emotions is not healthy. And crying doesn't make you less of a man.

No woman wants an emotionally crippled or unavailable man, so I'm teaching my son how to recognize and deal with his emotions in a healthy way, and that may include a good cry every now and then.

10. It's okay to tell me if you're being sexually abused.

Sadly, abuse happens often and victims are sometimes afraid to come forward, which is understandable seeing as how many victims are shamed. Men are even less likely to report abuse out of fear of seeming weak or even gay. This should never be the case.

11. Feminism.

As Chimananda Ngozi Adichie once said, "a feminist is a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." A man who isn't a feminist is a man living in the wrong times.

12. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy.

Mental health is one of the single most important things a person needs to be equipt with going into adulthood. Past trauma, as well as depression, anxiety and a host of other things, should not be taboo or embarrassing subjects. Most people are going through something, but only a few seek help. One issue in the Black community, specifically, is the denial of mental health issues and even more so for Black men. There is nothing wrong with seeking out therapy.


I plan on raising my son to be the type of man I would want to marry.

Cover Image Credit: Brunel Johnson

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Losing A Grandparent Changed My Life

Live for them, and give them a legacy to be proud of.
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Death isn’t what the average 20-something thinks about every day. You don’t think it will happen to you, or the people around you. You know that it exists because you see heart-wrenching reports on the news daily of another life lost to ignorance or hate.

Yes, losing a grandparent definitely changes your life. For some of us, it's a drastic change. To others: they knew it was coming. Still, some weren't even close to their grandparents because they lived too far away from each other to build a relationship in person.

I can't even fathom that considering both of my grandparents lived a city away from me or across town. They are your second set of parents and the love you've had for your entire life. They are the lessons learned and the ones holding your hand through it all.

When my grandfather died (affectionately known to me as Papa), my life changed. I watched him take his last breath in the hospital alone. I called my mother to tell her that her father died. In that moment: my emotionally sheltered life was torn apart. In that moment: I had to grow up. The person I had leaned on my entire life was gone.

I literally reconsidered everything I had done in my life in a matter of hours. I thought about college, finally graduating and walking across that stage: cords swinging and my tassel hanging there. That was his biggest dream for me, we were only a year away from it when he left this earth.

When a grandparent passes they take a part of you: big or small. When you were younger you planned out life with them. You shared your dreams with them, your insecurities, your childish ways and most of all you shared your love.

They, in turn, taught you lessons about life, helped you realize those dreams, and never let you go without being told you were loved every single time they saw you. They are the suppliers of happiness, security, and laughs. Friends come and go, but your family stays with you forever.

The bottom line is: most everyone knows what it's like to lose a grandparent. We all cope differently, and leaning on others is the best way to keep yourself up. Facing the reality of death is the only way we can accept it and move on. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it means understanding. We were lucky enough to have these amazing people to guide us through our younger years, teaching us these vital lessons.

I can't tell you how many times a day I wish I had my papa back. Learning to cope without them is the hardest part, even years later. Grandparents prepare you for life's greatest gains. Little did they know they would be their grandchildren's biggest loss. Live for them, and give them a legacy to be proud of.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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What It Is Really Like Having Sisters Close To Your Age

While having siblings close to your age is pretty amazing, there can be a lot of issues that can come with it.

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I come from a family of 5 people and 1 dog. I have 2 sisters, Grace and Caroline. We are all pretty close in age, Caroline being the youngest and 3 years younger than me.

My sisters and I share a bond like no one else, no one can replicate it. When you have siblings close to your age you have built-in best friends, and since they are around your age you have the same interest, or at least, enough so that you can do things that other siblings cannot. Examples of this would be seeing R-Rated movies and going to the mall without too much complaining, along with being able to shop in the same stores or even share clothes. Grace and I sometimes even split the cost of a shirt we both like.

We even overlap friend groups! Which is not much of a problem for us, Grace and I are both in music programs which overlap enough for us to have the same friends, which is great for when one of us has a sleepover, the other can join in on the fun. Caroline, however, even though she is seen as the sporty one of the 3 of us, she still has a lot of friends who have similar interests as Grace or I, giving us a lot of the same friends. It's nice not to be considered the "cool older sister", I am just like the rest of them.

While we do fight a lot, we make up really quickly, because most issues we have are stupid sibling fights: who gets the T.V., what to have for dinner, what movie to see. But it is always fun because there are 3 of us, which means majority rules, something we tend to go by most of the time depending on the situation.

Having 3 teenagers in the house can be a handful for our parents though, when you have three teenage girls going through puberty at relatively the same time, it can be grueling, especially when you are all on your period at the same time.. (yes, that has happened before) (and yes, it sucks). While I am on the topic, let's say a prayer and a thank you to my dad for dealing with 5 girls (including the dog, obviously) because he does a pretty damn good job at dealing with all of us.

When we were younger, we always had a play date even when one was canceled. We all made up songs and dances and would perform them for our parents. We even had a band called The Halsey Sisters (AKA the female version of The Jonas Brothers) where we had a hit song called "We Got The Heart and Soul". It was a hell of a time. Let's just say the music video for that song is, interesting to say the least.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't switch my sisters for anything in the world, they are my rocks, and I wouldn't want it any other way, Grace, Caroline, keep doing what you're doing, because you're pretty damn awesome.

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