11 Things I'm Teaching My Son, Because I Won't Be Raising A F*ck Boy

11 Things I'm Teaching My Son, Because I Won't Be Raising A F*ck Boy

His future wife will thank me.
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Everyone knows the dating game in 2018 is troubled waters. Millennial men and millennial women seem to just not connect. And my theory as to why, is that while women have evolved through the decades, men have not, in terms of relationships. It was only a few decades ago that women weren't allowed to own land or vote, while women today have been raised to be independent. I remember dealing with a 60-something year old woman who didn't know how to write a check because her husband always did it for her and I was honestly a bit disgusted. Millennial women are not interested in being Susie Homemaker 24 hours a day. We are college educated, can pay their own bills and can change our own tires if we need to. It would seem that men today are completely confused by our independence. They were raised to be providers with the idea that a woman would be dependent on them and so there we have a disconnect.

Here is a list of 11 things I plan on raising my son to know.

1. Proper hygiene.

This includes washing his ass with a rag and getting manicures and pedicures. Running a wash rag with soap and water through your crack does not make a man gay. It makes him clean and a rids his body of crusty, stinky poo. (Yes, I really just typed that.) And as far as nails go, I don't know a woman who likes long, dirty, discolored nails on a man. Getting "manis" and "pedis" does not mean getting pink and white nail polish, it means trimming your cuticles, cutting your nails and getting the gunk from underneath them.

My son will also know how to groom himself because they unkempt hair and the sagging pants are very much played out.

2. How to cook.

Call me crazy for trying to live outside the bounds of this patriarchy, but I'm teaching my son how to cook. There is nothing cute about meeting a man whose go-to dinner is cereal. Cooking is not a "woman's" job. Cooking is what allows you to not drop dead from malnutrition and starvation. It is an essential part of life.

And I'll teach him that this little life hack will also help with getting a good woman. Women love a man that can cook. To be honest, a man that can cook better than me has a much better chance of getting into these panties. ijs. And a man who can't cook it a turn off. Women today want a partner, not a grown-ass man child that they need to prepare every meal for.

3. How to wash and fold clothes.

Again, this goes into the revolutionary idea of a man being able to take care of himself and not have to rely on a woman (whether it be me as his mother or his significant other) to complete simple household tasks. There is no excuse for not knowing how to work a washing machine and dryer.

4. How to grocery shop.

One of the most aggravating things about millennial men is that their moms didn't teach them how to grocery shop. Part of the problem may go back to the fact that many weren't taught to cook, but come on! What are you buying cereal for if you don't have milk? Why do you have four different kinds of cheese in your cart with no clue what you are going to make with them? Where are your vegetables?!

Speaking of veggies. I can't even tell you how many men I have met who have said they "don't eat vegetables." Excuse me sir, but this is why your stomach sticks. Your insides are probably tar. Immediate turnoff.

5. How to iron/sew.

This isn't necessarily about grooming the next big fashion designer, but sewing on a button and taking the wrinkles out of work pants really aren't that hard. I'll be damned if my son goes around looking a hot ass mess because he didn't have a woman around to iron his pants.

6. Violence does not equate to manliness.

There are many ways to prove that you're a man. Standing up against what is wrong, working hard to provide for yourself and your family, and sticking to your principles....all whilst possessing a penis. Ways that do not prove your manhood, but in fact exhibit bitchassness, include a hot temper and physical assault in situations that don't call for it.

7. Spending money on a woman is a personal choice and she doesn't owe you sex because of it.

One thing my son will know how to do is court a woman. Whatever happened to that? For whatever reason, millennial men today think that buying a woman a drink means she's taking them back to her house. Full stop. Her body belongs to her and her alone. If sex is what you're after, just ask.

There's nothing wrong with one night stands, but not all women are looking for that. Men need to be clear about their intentions when meeting a woman and if they are truly interested in her, they need to court her and be patient.

8. No means, "no."

And silence does not mean, "yes." It's not okay coarse a woman to have sex with you. If she wants to have sex with you, she can and will verbally say so.

It's also not okay to lie to a woman about intentions in order to sleep with them.

9. It's okay to cry.

Holding onto your emotions is not healthy. And crying doesn't make you less of a man.

No woman wants an emotionally crippled or unavailable man, so I'm teaching my son how to recognize and deal with his emotions in a healthy way, and that may include a good cry every now and then.

10. It's okay to tell me if you're being sexually abused.

Sadly, abuse happens often and victims are sometimes afraid to come forward, which is understandable seeing as how many victims are shamed. Men are even less likely to report abuse out of fear of seeming weak or even gay. This should never be the case.

11. Feminism.

As Chimananda Ngozi Adichie once said, "a feminist is a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes." A man who isn't a feminist is a man living in the wrong times.

12. There is nothing wrong with going to therapy.

Mental health is one of the single most important things a person needs to be equipt with going into adulthood. Past trauma, as well as depression, anxiety and a host of other things, should not be taboo or embarrassing subjects. Most people are going through something, but only a few seek help. One issue in the Black community, specifically, is the denial of mental health issues and even more so for Black men. There is nothing wrong with seeking out therapy.


I plan on raising my son to be the type of man I would want to marry.

Cover Image Credit: Brunel Johnson

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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To The Best Friend Every Girl Should Be Blessed Enough To Have

You definitely deserve all the love.

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I have not written this letter, but it has been on my list of "to write" for forever. She keeps asking when I will write one about her and every time I tell her, soon.

Well here it is. The truth on why it took so long? No words seem to do everything justice. No matter how I put them or how I want them to sound, the page always makes them look weird and they always sound lame.

But finally, here it is. Best friend, this one is for you.

First and foremost I will start with a holy cow. We have been best friends for only a short time because who knew your "in school friend" from all those math classes would actually turn into this? We put off hanging out outside of school for years, and finally, after suffering through all that algebra we decided enough was enough.

I wish we had sooner.

I wish I had gotten more time with you before we both moved away to college - but ill take whatever time I get with you because well… you're incredible.

Thank you.

Thank you for finally agreeing to hang out with me.

Thank you for listening to every rant ever - whether it was a paragraph long text, a 2 hour FaceTime call or an hour-long car ride.

Thank you for ordering planners with me and spending nights decorating them with me (we are such losers).

Thank you for letting me become a part of your family.

Thank you for going to Friendly's, IHOP and Target at the most ungodly hours.

Thank you for encouraging me in everything I do, and stopping me from making bad decisions.

Thank you for telling me the truth, despite if it hurt me or not, I know now you will never lie about your feelings towards someone (LOL).

Basically, thank you for everything you have done for me. You have made me a better person and you encourage me to be my best self every single day.

Moving on I want to make it clear how incredibly proud of you I am. I love getting texts from you about your love for your classes, and how you want to be president of this club and president of that. How you help out kids, and how you host events. I love hearing about your major and the classes you are so incredibly excited to take. Watching you be so passionate about what you are doing and becoming makes me want to feel the same way in everything I do.

I hope someday my kids are your students because, in your hands, I know they can change the world.

Last but not least, I love you. And you're stuck with me.

Love,

Your forever number one fan

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