Teachers, When A Student 'Asks' To Go Bathroom, They're Not Really Asking; It's A Warning

Teachers, When A Student 'Asks' To Go Bathroom, They're Not Really Asking; It's A Warning

This is the story of how I pooped my pants... twice... in one day... within a three hour period.
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This is the story of how I pooped my pants… twice… on the first day of school… within a three-hour time frame and all because my teacher refused to let me go. Also, this is incredibly embarrassing to tell, but here goes.

On the first day of school, I had really bad IBS. However, it being the first day, my mother, of course, didn’t believe me. She must have thought I was just nervous, so naturally, I was sent to school. Within minutes of class starting, I felt a tightness in my stomach. I knew I was going to poop. Being the considerate child that I am, I didn’t want to disrupt the class and learning environment, so I did my very best to hold it in. When I couldn’t hold it any longer, I raised my hand and very politely and calmly asked to use the restroom. Now, my teacher did not have the sensitivity to understand the dire need of my bowels. She replied, “Class just started you can hold it.”

Here’s a tip for any teachers reading this. When a child asks to go to the bathroom, they aren’t really asking for permission; they’re basically saying, “Poop will happen, it’s your choice where.”

At this point, I’m bursting at the seams, and so the poop happens. Again, I raise my hand with slight annoyance and repeat, "I really need to go to the bathroom.” Again she says I can hold it. (But at this point I really can't.) So I had to come clean. I had to say in front of everyone in my third-grade class, "I pooped my pants, I really need to go to the bathroom." I was immediately sent to the clinic. As I walked down the aisle, I could feel the judging eyes following my butt as I walked out the door. In the clinic, I cleaned myself off, changed into a new pair of underwear (thank you, Mrs. Morris) and put the soiled undergarments in a bag before walking back to class. I sat down like nothing had happened, and the next three hours went by very smoothly… then lunch happened.

I ate lunch and immediately knew that something had gone very wrong. So, I went back to the teacher and asked to use the bathroom. She hadn't learned her lesson from my first poop session, so again, she says no. I tell her that this is an emergency. She still said no. I had to wait until the bathroom pass was free, and by that point, we already know what happened. Let’s say it together: poop happened. I went to the clinic again, and this time, the clinic lady was slightly concerned. I got another pair of underwear from the clinic and took my soiled underwear back to class in a plastic bag. I just had enough. I start bawling my eyes out. I was completely inconsolable. And again, I was sent to the clinic… and basically stayed there for the whole day. Then, I went home with two bags of poopy underwear. I told you so, Mom. Needless to say, it was not a great first day of school.

The moral of this story is for all teachers and future educators out there. Remember, if a student is asking to go to the bathroom, you should probably let them go, or be prepared to deal with the poop pandemonium.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube / MovieClips

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75 Things To Do Instead Of Studying For Finals

Need some procrastination inspiration? Here ya go.
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With the end of the semester nearly upon us, college students everywhere are trembling with anxiety over the impending doom that some call “finals week.” To prepare for this hellish week of exams, one might assume that students are hard at work reviewing class notes, practicing with flash cards, memorizing vocabulary terms and going over study guides. In a perfect world, that would undoubtedly be the case. But in reality, most students are probably just procrastinating.

So if you’re busy not studying for finals but quickly running out of things to do, here are some ideas:

1. Think about all the studying you have to do

2. Cry

3. Sleep

4. Make yourself a cup of coffee

5. Take a shower

6. Watch an episode of a series on Netflix

7. And then another one

8. And another one

9. Well, you might as well finish the whole season now

10. Clean your room

11. Do laundry

12. Order a pizza

13. Eat the pizza (bonus points if you can finish the whole thing by yourself)

14. Regret eating all that pizza

15. Get over it because pizza is always worth it

16. Go to the gym

17. Check Facebook

18. Refresh Facebook, just in case something new happened in the past 53 seconds

19. Write a letter to your best friend

20. Look at cute pictures of puppies—for six hours

21. Make cookies

22. Watch that “Spongebob” episode where he tries to write an essay but ends up procrastinating for like 14 hours (we can all relate)

23. Organize your closet

24. Get sucked into an Instagram-stalking black hole

25. Accidentally “like” your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s best friend’s Instagram post from 129 weeks ago

26. Have a mini freak-out because, wow, that was so creepy of you

27. Stare blankly out a window

28. Go for a walk

29. Watch a Christmas movie

30. Listen to music

31. Try to figure out how to lick your elbow (nope, still can’t do it)

32. Look up videos of the Peanut Butter Baby

33. Recreate the original video with your friends

34. Take another shower to wash off all that peanut butter

35. Write down all the things you have to do before the end of the semester in your planner

36. Close your planner without actually doing any of them

37. Look at fun craft ideas on Pinterest

38. Call your mom

39. Go through all the old pictures on your phone

40. Do some jumping jacks

41. Write scathing reviews for all your professors on ratemyprofessors.com

42. Wash your walls (walls get dirty too, OK?)

43. Question your sanity

44. Look up how many licks it really takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop

45. Text a cute boy

46. Write a short novel

47. Realize that creative writing really isn’t your strong suit and throw that short novel away

48. Eat some popcorn

49. Research the unemployment rate for college dropouts

50. Ponder the meaning of life

51. Repeatedly say the word “ponder” out loud because it sounds really weird

52. Paint your nails

53. Rearrange all the furniture in your room (after you let your nail polish dry)

54. Redo your nails because they weren’t quite dry and you messed them up

55. Go Christmas shopping

56. Plan your wedding

57. Look up the nutrition facts for your favorite Subway sandwich

58. Snapchat really hideous pictures of yourself

59. Learn the choreography for all the dance numbers in "High School Musical"

60. Make a killer video of yourself performing the routines

61. Delete the video and never tell a soul about it because, wow, that was really embarrassing

62. Take a Buzzfeed quiz to figure out which Disney princess you are

63. Watch all the Disney movies you can find illegally online

64. Get addicted to a stupid game on your phone

65. Calculate how high you have to score on the exam to still get an A in the class (258 percent is totally achievable, right?)

66. Run a marathon

67. Just kidding about that whole marathon thing—maybe start out with just running around the block?

68. Make a scrapbook full of pictures of your dog

69. Buy a super cute dress online that you really don’t need

70. Decide that your self-worth is not dependent on your exam scores, and resolve to stop studying altogether

71. Change your mind because you’d actually like to have a decent GPA

72. Try out meditation

73. Braid your hair into an extremely complicated up-do for no reason

74. Come to the conclusion that you should probably start actually studying now

75. Start back at #1 and repeat

Cover Image Credit: studygram.tumblr.com

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An Open Letter To Professors Who Assign Group Work

In the classroom, there is NO strength in numbers.

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There is something to be said about the workings of a well-oiled machine. The swift cohesion of pieces working together to create a masterful finished product. Each individual part bringing its own unique gifts and interesting character together to create an impeccable arrangement of academic collaboration. It is absolutely awe-inspiring that professors dream of this sort of outcome from the random chunk of students that they forced together. So sorry to break it to you, professors, but the group project you assign in your class is not going to work like this. The final product will not be a meticulously crafted work of art. It is going to turn into a flaming disaster as your bitter students shamefully share the work they have thrown together.

Group projects are the bane of my, and most students', existence. You assign them in large lecture halls, small discussion courses, and every class in between. Most of the time you assemble the members of each group yourself, creating the saddest excuse for a team to ever grace the planet. This leaves the students no choice as to who they will be working with, which essentially makes the grade out of the individual's hand because they have no power over which random stranger will be tossed into their group. In the rare occasion that you do not assign the groups yourself, you leave the fear-stricken students to frantically gather their own clusters of people. This is just as bad because in this case students typically choose groups based on geographical location in the classroom, their seats that they chose on the first day of class and never got around to relocating.

Regardless of how they were gathered, every group project will introduce your students to a dynamic range of personalities. There is the one super intense leader that thinks this project grade is the single most important moment of their entire life, and if everyone does not commit their full selves to it they will actually burn the school to the ground. Conversely, there is the lazy, weak link; who is consistently dropping the ball on the group's shared research document and honestly none of the other group members even know what this person looks like because they skip class so ridiculously much. There is the one person who works every second of every day and can never fit your group meeting into their schedule because their nannying job is so important (this is actually a subtweet at me, my apologies to all of my past group members, I just have a really busy schedule, okay). Please, do not subject your students' grades to depend on the work of these insane classmates. A student's grade should reflect their own, individual work, group projects skew and make that impossible.

I understand that you mean well by assigning these projects. You hope to teach us how to work well with others, a valuable communicative asset in the real world. However, in the real world, there are standards for hiring at a company and if a worker does not perform well they will be fired. There are no standards for getting into my psychology class, any student with a laptop and a break in their schedule on Tuesday and Thursday mornings is welcome to join the class. There are no standards for performance either. If a student does not perform well in a group project their grade will plummet, which to my surprise does not greatly bother as many students as I thought, as does every other member of the group's grade. So unfair, so unparallel to the real world. Stop comparing your English 101 class to the real world.

Please professors, just stop with the group projects. I will happily write all of the papers, study all of the lectures, and even read all of the chapters in my textbook. Just don't make me create another Google Slides presentation with a bunch of strangers again.

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