I’ve come to the realization that I would be a really bad superhero. It’s not because I think I wouldn’t be strong enough, fast enough, or coordinated enough, even though all of those things are probably true, but it is because Target is my weakness. If I’m bored, I go to Target. If I’m hungry, I go to Target. Basically, if I need anything at all, I go to Target. The popular chain store has an unusual power over me. Normally, a superhero’s weakness is some weird rock they rarely come in contact with or a sword only one person has, but there are Target stores all over the place. They are impossible to avoid. No matter where you are, you can almost be certain there is at least one Target within a ten mile radius. I know I’ll always have Target to count on to help me live a comfortable life.

If I was a superhero, any villain could run into Target and I would forget why I was chasing them in the first place. I would think about how I need to shave my legs and am out of shaving cream or how I probably need a new three hundred dollar blender so I can make smoothies. I would think about all of the things I’m missing in my life that Target can provide. It sells clothes, food, toiletries, and countless other items.

Basically, with Target around, there’s no need to go to any other store, ever. I usually go into Target for one thing and come out with a million others. Last week I went in for makeup remover wipes and came out with two new dresses, a copy of “Zootopia” on Blu-ray, and brownie mix. Did you notice how the one thing I went in to buy wasn’t on that list? Well, that’s usually how my trips to Target go.

So if I was chasing a villain in Target, I would suddenly remember how I forgot something during my last Target trip. This would then lead to me wandering around the store for hours. Even though I know exactly where everything is, I have to go down every aisle just to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. By the time I was finished finding what I was looking for, the villain would be out of the store and halfway to Mexico.

My weakness for Target makes it very clear that I would be a very bad superhero. There are millions of ways a potential villain could use this weakness against me. They could run down the makeup aisle which would remind me I need more concealer and I would spend twenty minutes trying to find the right shade. That’s plenty of time for the villain to escape. They could also hide in snack aisle which is where I always linger trying to decide if I want white cheddar or original Cheez-its. Really, the possibilities are endless. I’m not sure why, but there’s no denying Target has a way of sucking me in.