"You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family, an' they're still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge 'em or not, and it makes you look silly when you don't."
- Harper Lee from To Kill A Mockingbird
Over the few visits I am allowed to spend with my family, I have found that time with them is more precious than I could have ever imagined. This past winter break was beautifully mundane.
I cannot describe how much value I placed in the simplest moments while I was home. I may not have spent as much time as I wanted to spend with every beloved family member, but the outcomes of those brief conversations left feelings of fulfillment within me.
I want to emphasize these conversations because without them, I would not have found myself once again. There's something exhausting and draining about life that I found only my family could rejuvenate.
Conversations with my mother, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandfathers, grandmothers, distant relatives, and sometimes complete strangers always seemed to end the conversation with a meaningful lesson or advice that I didn't know I needed to hear.
It would start with a small question that I always wondered about and finally had enough courage to ask. Then an answer. I would ask another to make sure I'm understanding them.
I find it interesting upon my return to the east coast university or upon talking to other individuals of vastly different backgrounds, how much they do not talk to their family.
The assumption that family is a bond that does not require some work is a LIE.
Any relationship deserves some work to create a significant bond - why can't we do that with our relatives?
To truly understand our family members as humans who are imperfect and beautifully flawed allows us to connect with them and appreciate their experiences to prevent making similar mistakes or repeat familial sins.
Essentially, healing takes place and that healing makes people stronger. I encourage digital readers to speak with their family members and use their time spent on this earth to make themselves better.
Work towards being a complete family. Work towards valuing family. Make efforts to know and understand your family. By learning, it will inform your growth and affirm how truly unique you are in this world.
Make time for family. Ask random questions to satiate your curiosity. Enjoy sharing parts of yourself with family - you'll change them just as they change you.