A precursor to this article; life is not a happy place and this article may contain some themes and language that may be triggering or upsetting to some readers.
RAINN reports that every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. Every 8 minutes that victim is a child. Yet only 6 out of every 1000 perpetrators end up in prison. Every year less than 40% of assaults are reported, and most years the number dips below 25%. These are alarming statistics. If, for back of a better word, you find yourself in this population, please know that you are not alone. And in the incredible words of Viola Davis in The Help, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important”.
On the wave of “Me too” statuses it is of the utmost importance to talk about this terrible trend that occurs both in the media, in the streets and unfortunately on college campuses. If you are like me or millions of others across the country, you are, unfortunately one of those statistics, or you could just be a concerned ally and either way I applaud you for reading this article. Life is is a cruel mistress and far too many people are victims of both physical and sexual assault and this trend shows no sign of declining.
Please note that just because someone does not put “Me too” as their status, does not mean that they haven’t experienced sexual assault or harassment, sometimes it isn’t safe to put that out there in multiple senses of the word and everyone’s story is their own.
As someone who has been assaulted by up to seven individuals at this point, I am no stranger to the barrage of emotions one can feel when something like this occurs, but every story is different. Everyone reacts differently, the same person can react in a multitude of ways for each instance or triggering.
First, anyone who says “triggered” as a joke, especially when mocking legitimate trigger, should be removed from wherever you are, as soon as possible. Get them gone now. As hard as it seems, anyone who says it “isn’t really a big deal” or try to come up with excuses for you assailant do NOT understand what you are going through and definitely do NOT listen to them when they talk like that, because your feelings are valid. No one can tell you how you felt.
On that note, no one can tear you down unless you give them permission to. Now, I know you’re probably thinking: BULLSHIT, but hear me out. You are worthy of happiness and love. You have survived your entire life and have dealt with problem after problem and dilemma after dilemma in your own life and no one knows your struggles better than you. Do not allow yourself to be invalidated, as hard as it is right now I need you to love yourself. So I challenge you, find something you love about yourself. Whether that’s your eyes, smile, freckles, hair, makeup abilities, athleticism, your voice… anything. Compliment yourself, every morning and every night before you go to sleep, find one thing.
Once you do that, locate one or two people that you can rely on.Tell them whatever you are comfortable with, and laugh when they offer to beat them up for you. Appreciate the care. If you do not have anyone, contact me and I will be there for you. Because no one deserves this and no one deserves to feel alone. You are not alone, you are loved.
Now, figure out who you trust, and think about if you trust yourself or not. If not, find out why. You will always have yourself, if no one else, you have you to fall back on and I’m so sorry you ever had to go through this. Now, repeat after me, “It is okay to not feel okay.” All of your feelings are valid. Every last one of them.
“They only asked how I was feeling to hear me say fine. I learned I was supposed to feel fine.”
Fine and okay are both relative terms. And if you feel angry or scared or annoyed or sad, feel that way, you do not owe anyone any sort of explanation for it. Never forget that.
Now, don’t go around hurting yourself or blast Praying on repeat. You are more than your assault. You are a survivor and an incredible human being. You are allowed to feel fucked up or like a mess and you’re allowed to only eat candy for days on end or forget to eat or eat far more than you normally would. And when you numb yourself, remember not to push down too far or you might start to lose part of your incredible self.
I have tried hookups and confrontations and mediation and reasoning and just flat out cutting the person off and to each it’s own in this horrible messed up world we live in. Reclaim yourself. I always thought I was awful or weak to always attract assailants, but to other people I am strong and resilient, and you, by far are the strongest person I know. And I absolutely love and adore you. You are incredible and I appreciate you. Thank you love, be your own you, don’t let anyone tear you down.