I work as a hostess at a local restaurant and the other day something occurred to me: for hours on end I watch couples, families, and old groups of friends come and go. Some are regular customers, while others are not. However, these facts are not important. What’s important is this conclusion I came to: I rarely ever see people dining alone, but when a person does so, there seems to be a stigma that waivers in the air.
I am by no means saying I think people are strange for going places alone, specifically going out to eat. In fact, I wish I had the courage to do so more often. I wish I didn’t continuously care so much about what other people think of me. But for whatever the reason, it seems to be human instinct to wonder thoughts such as, “Why is he or she out alone?" or "Where are all of their friends?"
Like I mentioned earlier, the other day at work I started thinking about this stigma more and more. This thinking began when a woman arrived at the restaurant and confidently asked for a table for one. As much as I hate to admit it, my immediate thought was, “Hmm, that’s different!”
Nonetheless, I happily sat the woman at a quiet table outside. After a minute or so, she pulled out a book. I couldn’t help but notice how content she seemed.
People are so caught up in each other’s business, and while that may be something that will never change, I think it’s important to reduce certain stigmas as much as possible. Sure it’s different to go grab lunch by yourself, but when the weather is nice, the food is outstanding, and you’ve got a new book with you, how much better can a relaxing afternoon get? I was frustrated with myself for immediately questioning why she was alone.
Why is it considered questionable to go grab lunch by yourself? If you go to the beach alone or go for an early hike by yourself does that really make you a loner? If you want to see a movie that none of your friends want to see, is it lame to see it anyway? The answers to these questions are relative, but that’s the thing. It's all about your mindset. And after seeing that woman, I decided that personally, I needed to change my mine.
Sometimes it seems as if the only option for a teenager or college student is to have a significant other, or at least be surrounded by friends 24/7. While it's necessary to have a supportive social circle, if you’re happy being in your own company or content going places by yourself, then you should embrace that. You should embrace that comfort because at the end of the day you only truly have yourself.
It takes a while to love yourself and feel completely comfortable in your own skin, but the more time you spend alone and the less you care about what others think, the easier these things will come.
Of course, there can be safety issues when going certain places alone, but with good judgement, who says you can’t take yourself out on dates? Take that bold step and go to that museum you've always wanted to visit, but never could because none of your friends are into art. Take that bold step and see the new documentary in theaters, even if your friends want to see the newest action movie or chic flick. Take that bold step and put yourself first sometimes.
I’m still working on this myself, but I feel as though a key part to feeling at home with yourself and feeling genuinely happy is to be selfish some days.
After that day at the restaurant and after all this thinking, I’ve realized that the next time I see someone out to lunch alone, or sitting alone at the movie theater, I won’t immediately wonder why they’re alone. It's different, but not in a negative way. It’s actually brave. It’s brave to go against the norm. And if you feel at peace by yourself, then who cares what other people think. You’re the one who’s actually winning.