They told you to take this little pill once a day before bed.

They told you it would help you feel better and you believed it with your whole heart. You wanted to feel better, to feel like a functional person again. You wanted to get rid of whatever was burdening you like you can get rid of a cold with antibiotics. Quick, easy, painless.

You trusted that this would work because you've exhausted all your other options. Exercise, church, therapy, nothing eased the pain in the slightest so hopefully, this little pill would.

Except it didn't. You saw yourself change again, somehow you ended up farther from what you envisioned. You felt nothing at all, you could put your arm in an open flame and you wouldn't even flinch. There was no pain, no happiness, no sadness, just empty. You were drained, it didn't matter how much you slept because it was never enough.

Or, your medication didn't allow you to sleep at all so you lay awake staring at the ceiling, facing every problem you've ever been dealt.

Every. Night.

Not only did you see yourself change mentally, but the physical changes were just as horrid. Your complexion wasn't clear anymore, your hair turned dull, you ballooned and gained 20 pounds over the few months you've been trusting in this little pill. You were mindful of side effects but they still proved themselves as more powerful than you.

You became rightfully fearful because after the third, fourth, fifth medication and dosage change, this little pill still somehow finds a way to make your life harder than you thought it would be. You contemplate whether the ounce of relief you feel is worth all these side effects.

Because although you can leave the house without having a panic attack, you continue to hide because it looks like your present self had eaten your past self. But still, you're capable of it.

They told you to take this pill and you thought it would ease everything that weighed in your chest. But it didn't. You realize there's no pill to fix everything and it's pretty scary but it takes a lot of time and patience to find the one that has more benefits than harm. Eventually, there will be one though. There will be relief and freedom once the right prescription is found. Or so they tell you.