The last year of my life has been a whirlwind. I don't think that I spent a second relaxing from the May of my junior year of high school up until the May after my freshman year of college. That's TWO YEARS of running, babysitting, packing for college, and doing basically everything in my power to make other people's lives easier.

The November of my senior year of high school, I lost my dad suddenly. He died peacefully, and he didn't have much time to suffer as he passed. I, unfortunately, was left here to have to pick up all of the pieces after my life was basically shattered into a million little pieces. The entire year was spent applying to colleges, preparing for AP exams and college auditions, practicing for plays and ensembles, and trying to figure out how my life would be without my dad in it. I was horribly anxious and depressed; I would sleep in my mom's room with her and wake up almost every hour to make sure that she was still breathing. I woke up late for school, fell behind on work, and then had to spend copious amounts of time trying to catch up to the rest of my class.

After I (barely) graduated, I went on senior week with my friends. The time leading up to graduation was exhausting, as I had to finish all of the work most of my classmates had done in school that I was too depressed to do at first. It was a race to the finish line. But senior week wasn't exactly a time for me to relax, as my friends and I went to Disney World. It was an incredible experience, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but the entire time we were away was spent traipsing through the parks and trying to suck as much out of the experience as possible.

After I got home, I immediately began my job at a major department store. I worked there most days during the day time and had nights to myself, which worked out in my favor. My uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer five years before, and we were told that his medicine was not working. During this time, I would often go to my aunt's house after I got done work to take care of her 9 and 11-year-old daughters while my aunt stayed with my uncle in the hospital.

In July, I lost a friend suddenly. His death, like my father's, was sudden and painless, but it affected everyone around him. He was wonderful and talented and intelligent and kind. He would always make me laugh. It was hard to imagine a world without him.

My family and I lost my uncle in August, just two weeks after my friend died and three weeks before I was moving into school. I spent the rest of my summer before college getting ready for school, while trying to make sure my family would be okay without me.

The school year was terrible and wonderful. After all of my loss, I had to go live somewhere away from my gigantic family that had been my sort of security blanket. I'm pretty sure I went home every weekend of my first semester and most of the weekends of my second. It was hard to be away from my family, to grieve on my own in a place where I didn't have the same amount of support I usually did. I tried to stay on top of my studies, and I ended up making some incredibly supportive friends that tried to understand what I was going through. And still, through all of this, I told myself to just keep going.

Up until the middle of my second semester, I planned on taking my gen-eds in the summer. Until I had a mini melt-down in the middle of midterms. I called my mom crying, unable to tell her exactly what was wrong. I went home for three days and only told my roommate where I was going.

Full disclosure, my mom is the best. She didn't understand where I got the idea to put this much pressure on myself. And she was right. My mom has never pushed me too hard and always told me that the most important thing was that I was happy. And I decided that I wasn't, and that I wouldn't be if I took summer classes this year. We decided that I should take the summer off to recharge, be with my family, and take time to figure things out for myself.

So, for the first time in two years, I took a break.

I took time for myself, to process things and work through my problems, for the first time since before my dad died this year. After almost a year and a half, I had time to process things, to think about what I wanted and to think about how the last year changed things for me. I had time to spend with my family and to make up for lost time that I had spent away.

I am so grateful that I was in an environment that was supportive enough to let me take a summer off. I worked sparsely, driving kids around and babysitting once a week. I got to spend time with the friends that I have been neglecting while dealing with all of the stuff that happened around me. I got to see my siblings and spend time with my mom, and I got to grieve, finally, with people that knew what I was going through, who were going through the same thing.

When big things happen in your life, it can seem like you have to keep going and keep pushing through by yourself. Sometimes, it can even feel like you'll be letting everyone around you down if you take some time for yourself. You get so scared of disappointing the people that you love, or even that you'll disappoint yourself. But sometimes, you need to give yourself time. You need to go easier on yourself and realize that doing the best you can doesn't involve running yourself into the ground.

You are allowed to take time to work on yourself, whether that's a gap year, a summer, a week, or even just to take a mental health day when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, all of your problems will seem much smaller when you take care of yourself. Sometimes they don't. But stressing yourself out and working yourself half to death isn't going to help you to regain the stability you lost when things changed. Because change is difficult and scary, whether it's going to college, moving on from friends that don't make you feel like your best self, or losing a friend or family member. Learning to deal with it is part of life, and running from it by keeping yourself busy isn't going to help. It just delays the inevitable; the part where you have to face the problem head on. You don't have to push through by yourself. You don't have to drown yourself in your work. Sometimes, all you really have to do is take time to think about things, process things, and be with people that love you. Sometimes, all you need to do is take a break.