This week has been a little rocky. I've cried almost every day, fell behind on my schoolwork, lost hours of sleep, and at several points questioned whether I would make it through another day.
And it's only Wednesday.
Life is hard, even though I have to admit that I had it pretty easy growing up. My parents were loving and supportive. I always had food and clothing. I did well in school and loved every minute of it. Nothing felt hard--I just had to get up every day and enjoy the safe little life that was waiting for me. I was happy. I was comfortable. Then I moved away from home.
Don't get me wrong, I really love college. It's just tricky. Mainly because everyone around you expects you to have everything figured out when you don't even know how to fold a fitted sheet. You might be severely homesick, but you still have to write that five page paper for tomorrow. Or, your relationship might be falling apart, but there's still a presentation you have to practice for.
I won't get into it, but the past couple days I felt so low. So low that I almost couldn't feel anything. I've never had trouble putting one foot in front of the other; I've never had trouble finding the in breath after the out. I've never been anxious to get out of bed and go through my day; I've never not known what to do or where to turn to. Never, except for yesterday.
Sometimes I look at everyone around me and I wonder how the hell they do it. It seems like everybody knows where they're going in life, what they're doing tomorrow and the next day. My roommate is planning her marriage and my other roommate already has a job lined up. Everywhere I look someone is having the time of their life or acing all of their exams. Here I am holding back tears and checking that my makeup didn't run.
I don't have it that bad, though, this is just a dry season. One thing I've learned is that life comes and goes in seasons. Some are good, some are bad, some are happy, others are sad. Our own seasons don't always align with others', and that's okay. Right now it's summer in Australia and 30 degrees in New York.
We're all works in progress, and we're never really complete humans because we'll never be perfect. We don't have to be unbreakable, we just have to be strong. Don't forget that just because you feel like a mess doesn't mean you are, and even if you are you're still a beautiful mess.
To my best friend, I love you and I miss you. Thank you for yesterday. Thank you for doing all you did to make sure I was okay. I'll always do the same for you.
Callaghan Carter
