Being Single Has Taught Me How To Love Myself Again
It feels good to finally focus on me, and me only.
One of the worst blind mistakes I've ever made was writing about relationships, specifically mine at the time. I was supposedly in love, so of course, I was completely ignoring the red flags and the emotional abuse.
I was totally blindsided, and again, I was a stupid fool.
It's been about six months since I left a relationship that I thought wasn't toxic. It took me a couple years to realize that something was actually going on, something was actually happening to our bond. I was not treated the way I was in the beginning, and I was slowly becoming less valuable to this person.
The effort became less and less, admittedly on both ends, and the driving to and from was apparently too far. I didn't realize that two hours was a super big distance. But I'm just sipping my tea... by myself.
I was losing my confidence. I second-guessed myself quite a few times, and I was feeling horrible about the intimate parts of our relationship.
Being single all this time actually saved me. I was going through the shit storm that was my senior year of college. I was fighting the major assignments. I was under a lot of stress for teaching.
Managing that, PLUS a relationship, would have literally killed me, especially after the way I was being treated.
Finally, I put an end to it. To the nonsense. To the bullshit. I was not going to stand up to and deal with something, or someone, that made me feel small.
Being single has taught me how to love myself again. I didn't like myself the more I was sinking into that relationship. I was not taking care of myself, and I was generally not happy.
Silly me. If I wasn't happy, why didn't I let go sooner?
I can love myself again. I can be happy without someone breathing down my neck. When I'm ready to date again, I will, but right now, focusing on myself is the most important thing. I'm in a weird place right now between undergrad and grad school. So, keeping the important things in mind is the best choice.
Never again will I be belittled or deliberately put down for someone else. I'm focusing on me. I'm loving myself again.
I wish I could delete those articles. I really do.
