Your needs come first.
GiphyThe ultimate rule I would tell to not only my future daughter but also any freshman girl in college, is that YOU come first. Hookup culture is based on the primal pace of testosterone- it's quick, and over as fast as it came. Friends with benefits can be long-lasting with someone who actually cares for you, but often dissolve the second a douchebag finds that feelings are involved. What does work, no matter what is honesty with your own needs. Listen to yourself, to your gut, to how you feel, not how someone else can make you feel, no matter how hot they are. At the end of the day, a healthy, loving relationship is only built with two people who can take care of themselves, and each other. But you girl? Your needs are number one. A guy, for example, can be satisfied in ten seconds and be done with you. A partner who will listen to you and be down to give you what you want is the type you would want to hook up with in the first place! And they are for sure the type that no matter the relationship, committed or not, will make you feel valued. Loved, even. No matter when you decide to sleep with someone, or not sleep with someone, you deserve it to be with someone who can put their ego down for ten seconds and realize that giving creates the ultimate satisfaction.
If you're reading this going- I don't care- they're hot! No worries, this just isn't the letter for you.
GiphyReckless hookup culture is said to not be for the sensitive. However, I would argue that deep down, all of us want to be actually cared for instead of just lusted after. Sex is everything, but on its own, for too long, is emptiness. And why? Either your silent killer or best friend - oxytocin.
The TED Talk that changed everything.
GiphyA few months ago when I was obsessed with the latest OU Fiji in my DM reel, unsure of what he really wanted, I found myself struggling with what had bothered me for almost a year. I had for the first time (after an emotional, and physical glow up), experienced the hottest guys in the country, in my eyes, begging to sleep with me- but I felt standoffish to the idea of something ending up being just a one night stand. Finally, I stumbled upon a TED talk that explained that women and men differ intensely when it comes to brain chemistry and sex. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is released when a woman orgasms, but research shows it doesn't occur in a male brain unless he has decided he is committed! Kind of weird, almost voodoo magic science to think that a man's biology can literally allow him to feel no emotional bonds with a partner unless he is already in love with her. The processor to oxytocin for men? Vasopressin. The hormone that is released when he is visually attracted. Finally, it made sense to me. What's even crazier is that I've learned a year later that those same eleven out of ten (on the hotness scale) guys who wanted to sleep with me? Actually interested in a relationship! Sometimes men's sex drives and women's willingness to give in to hookup culture without standing up for her own needs allow her to feel overwhelmed by his sex drive itself, thinking that a relationship isn't on his itinerary. Other times it goes the opposite way, with a girl thinking that just because someone wants to have sex with you, they love you. But I think most of us grow out of that thought pretty quickly. But the most important realization that I gathered from this insight is that for a man to open up, his partner needs to present herself for who they truly are- more than just a sexual object. Am I arguing that being viewed sexually is wrong? Absolutely not. But what I am arguing is that casual relationships, no matter how sexual or not, don't need to feel empty. They should feel honest, and that's what truly feels good. Your needs matter, feelings are okay, and as normal and natural as the sex someone in your DM's may pressure you with. In fact, those are the things that make you human and separate you from how a porn star can satisfy someone. If you want to be treated differently than only a sexual object? Own it.
13 YouTubers You Need To Start Watching, ASAP
Whether you have twelve minutes or half an hour, like true crime or travel vlogs, YouTube is the place you should be.
With hundreds of thousands of content creators out in the YouTube universe, I only thought that it would be right to name a few that are actually worth your time. YouTubers come in all shapes, sizes, and genres. Most YouTubers fit into multiple molds so when you find a good one it is worth it to stick with them, and dare I say, turn on notifications. Here are thirteen of my favorite YouTubers!
1. Ellen Fisher
Ellen has a well around channel with videos ranging from vegan cooking, lifestyle to gardening. Her videography is unmatchable as she spends her videos centered around nature and her family. If you ever need a relaxing video to put on right before bed, Ellen Fisher is your gal.
2. Kendall Rae
Kendall's channel is centered around conspiracy theory videos and true crime. Her videos and articulation in them keep you grounded while your head is full of all this new information. Her videos always hold every piece of information holding no gruesome detail back, lasting at least half an hour. Her videos are the ones you watch when you have time to sit and soak the crime in.
3. Levi Bernhardt
Levi's videos are videos you would expect to see from your home videos from 5th grade. His editing style is just comedic gold, and his vlogs are never disappointing. He recently moved to Korea and the amount of footage he has shot has doubled. Nothing but applause for this man right here!
4. Cut
A more popular channel, Cut is known for its masterpieces such as fear bong, truth or drink, and blind date episodes. their content ranges in time but is consistent when it comes to entertainment. Subscribing to Cut's channel will fill your subscription box with nothing but ready to watch videos.
5. KKandbabyJ
This family vlog channel always can put a smile on my face. Keren and Khoa have three adorable little boys, and a wedding on the way. Their channel shows the realness of family and how not every day is going to be the picture perfect day. They both also have their own separate channels and do other types of videos there as well. A great family vlog that shows a little diversity in the YT realm.
6. Michelle Reed
Michelle is the perfect guide to living in your early twenties and navigating life, school, relationships, and religion. Based in New York City Michelle discusses heavy topics from heart break to mental illness. She isn't afraid to show her "weak" side to her viewers and always finds the positive in situations. Michelle's channel will leave you with a calming sense, and relaxed demeanor.
7. Kristin Johns
Kristin's channel always makes me leave feeling warm, if that even makes sense. Her videos have a range consisting of lifestyle, relationship, health, religion, and my favorite her love for plants. Her plant videos always give me mad inspiration to go on a shopping spree. Also, she has two golden retrievers, Camper and Honey, who make appearances in her videos adding a wonderful bonus.
8. Wear I Live
Jenny has opened my eyes to the life of living in New York as a twenty-something-year-old. Her videos are always beautifully put together and her style is something I have never seen before. Jenny spends her time as a student but also talks about body image issues and how the standard of beauty needs to be thrown out the window. She also has great random videos that make you feel like you are right there with her in her little apartment.
9. Best Dressed
Ashley has videos that talk about her open sexuality and her body, along with killer thrifting and fashion videos. She always keeps it real and gives you the advice you wish your mom gave you years ago.
10. Tess Christine
The amount of time that Tess spends on her videos speak volumes in the end. Her perfect editing style and amazing camera shots show that hard work and dedication pay off. She makes mainly fashion videos but her travel videos are always breath taking.
11. April Athena 7
This mom of two has nothing standing in her way. April has multiple channels including ones for baking and cleaning. Her cleaning videos are what drew me in, in the first place. Her encouraging voice and dedication ot cleanliness may not be for everyone but these videos reduce my stress and are great for putting on while you clean up around your room, or even go full April and clean for eight hours straight.
12. Niomi Smart
Niomi's channel is one of the best lifestyle channels on YouTube. Her videos have a broad spectrum from travel vlogs, to skin care, and clothing reviews. Niomi has a very mellow attitude that will end up leaving you binge-watching her videos. She also has an English accent so what's not to love?
13. Cody Ko
This wouldn't be the best YouTubers to watch without Mr. Ko. Cody has over 200 videos that are nothing but pure geniuses. The fact that he not only roasts other people but mostly himself make his videos worthy of a shoutout. His videos are videos that end up on twitter and go viral only to be repeated by people on the daily. Ever heard of "too much nic?" yeah it was this guy (along with Noel).
After all of this is said and done, if you made it this far drop a like, leave a comment, and I'll see you guys next week! *hand goes over camera lens like every early vlogger in 2010*