Sweet Daydreams To Nightmare Screams

Sweet Daydreams To Nightmare Screams

Flooding sensations wreck havoc in the depths of my subconscious.

It's not that I'm crazy. My subconscious is my nightmare.

My daydreams consist of ruffling textbook pages and blue ink pens scratching against paper.

My dreams at night are filled with rancid beings, humans at their core but monsters at heart – a hard heart, cold to the touch of my fingers, immovable to the push of my palm, unstoppable against the shove of arms, the kick of feet, the squirm of my shuddering body until it ends. I wake with a scream. Every night I wake up screaming. It's one of the reasons I still live alone.

The other reason is that my apartment is always dark. The blinds are closed, the shades are drawn, and the red chiffon curtains billow at the puff of air from my desk fan. But sometimes the desk fan is not at the desk. Sometimes it's across the living room, perched on the edge of the slippery leather couch. Or sometimes it's in the kitchen, blowing high-speed wind at the fridge. Last time it was whirring under my bed, which only prolonged my screaming session for the night. Today, it's back on the desk, puffing air at the red chiffon curtains. Its moody behavior makes me want to wag a finger in mock anger, but I'm not angry or amused. And that would be crazy.

They all move, from the knives to the pillows to the toilet paper. They're all over this noisy one-bedroom apartment. In July, I moved into a place near college, university, school – whatever you want to call it because school in Japanese is "gakkou" and the point is...

The fan just moved again.

Now it's on the floor under the glow of the lamp. I swear this place is haunted or something. The glow of the lamp is eerie, and it fills me with dread. I wish these things didn't happen, I wish that I could leave, but if I do, then what? Who will take my place? How can I subject an innocent bystander to this treachery? No, no I can't do that. Not when I can communicate with it, not when it slips into my nightmares, sliding across the slinky rings that pierce through my subconscious to hold it steadfast to my mind. I drudge through the exploding firework of colors, the stench of decomposition and beyond the incomprehensible howling – a manifestation incongruous to my symphonic orchestration of misery and isolation. People hooting, lights exploding against a black night sky, picnic sheets on the ground, someone whispering, "You're so lucky to have been born on the fourth..."

So lucky to have been born...

So lucky to have...

So lucky...


Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky ucky, mucky, mucky, rucky, rocky road ice cream, that's funny.

Your heart's not beating, it's getting cold.

Your heart's not beating, you're becoming cold.

Your heart stopped beating, you're dead cold.

I wake up screaming. The voices hush. The fan is whirring. It's right on the edge of my blanket, staring up at my sweaty, convulsing face. Its speed is on high, my voice is still screaming on high, so I clamp my mouth shut. I yank the cord out and trash the fan, shoving it deep under the third garbage bag sitting in the kitchen. Then thinking better of it, I snatch it back, slam its head against the counter – again, again, again until there's only plastic bits and pieces left to shovel into the pail to the bag to the bin.

But now here I'm pacing, looking for a calendar somewhere because as soon as this semester ends, I'm moving out. This place is crazy. Things move on their own. Voices whisper around the edge of the fan, but I had blamed it on the whirring. Now the whirring is gone, I can hear them clearly – "crazy" – this place is crazy – "been a year" – it's been less than four months, the semester isn't over – "never had a semester" – need to go to class, but then there were – "your worst nightmare" – yes, yes, my nightmares – "is in the mirror" – shut up!

I need to find a calendar because these voices are wrong. It's only been four months. They can't lie to me. I have a phone! Yes, I have a phone, and they have calendars, so in there somewhere, and God, it's blindingly bright, but if I scroll down, yes, there it is, it's October!

Let's focus – "go ahead" – focus! I moved in July – "after your birthday" – and then classes began in August, – "August when" – and now, it's October – "October what" – what do you mean, October what?

October 2016.

Oh...so it has been a year. More than year.

So I put the phone down and turn to the mirror. Orange, white-capped bottles line the dresser top. White stickers with typed print: a trial dosage of clozapine, 6 mg/day of risperidone, .5 mg twice a day of lorazepam.

It's not that I'm crazy. My subconscious is my nightmare.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All resemblance to actual people, places, incidents, or things is completely coincidental.

Cover Image Credit: ViralNova

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The 7 Best Pieces of Drag Race Lingo Ru-vealed

Werk it, queen!

Season Three of "RuPaul's Drag Race: All Stars" just wrapped last week, but season 10 of Drag Race is scheduled to premiere on March 22nd. You might’ve turned on your TV and thought, “what the heck are they talking about?”. Some of the lingo is confusing and unclear, so here’s a guide to just some of the key catchphrases.

1. The library/Being read

The name of the mini challenge is “Reading is Fundamental, in which queens take turns reading each other. When it’s their turn, they “enter the library”, which just means putting on goofy glasses. Reading is pretty much pointing out flaws but in a funny or over the top way.

2. Shade

Throwing shade is similar to reading someone, but I think of shade as usually more blunt, insulting and less clever.

3. Tea

Derives from the letter “T” standing for truth. Tea refers to gossip, news or information. Commonly used in the sense of “So, what’s the tea?”, which means “girl, what’s the gossip?”. It’s commonly combined with shade, as someone might say “No, tea, no shade, but…” which is a preface saying “no disrespect”. Conversely, someone might say “all tea, all shade” meaning that they know exactly how they sound and don’t care if you’re offended.

4. Fish

A queen is said to be looking fishy/serving fish when they closely resemble a woman. Some of the fishiest queens include Tatianna, Courtney Act, and Farrah Moan.

5. Back Rolls

An insult used in season 5 when Jade Jolie told Alyssa Edwards: “Girl, you had rolls all over the place in the back, it was disgusting!” To which Alyssa responded

6. Snatch Game

A parody of the 1960’s celebrity game show “The Match Game”. On the original show, contestants write in answers to questions, hoping to match the guest judge. Snatch Game operates in the same way, but the contestants have to impersonate a celebrity. This is a challenge that has taken place every season since the second one, and it’s probably the most highly anticipated. This is one of the challenges that really establishes the top queens, as they’re judged based off of likeness and humor. Celebrities that have been impersonated range from Dame Maggie Smith to Britney Spears, Judge Judy, Anna Nicole Smith, and even RuPaul.

7. Comedy vs. Pageant Queens

This is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. Some queens are more specialized in makeup, costumes, and overall pageantry. Others are more campy and over the top. Comedy queens are usually stronger in acting or comedy challenges, but pageant queens have the upper hand in design focused challenges.

So there ya have it, a short list of Drag Race terminology. I RuPaulogize if you got a little lost somewhere, but if you managed to make it through this article….


Cover Image Credit: Daniel Dudek-Corrigan

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If The 12 Zodiac Signs Were Portrayed By 6-Second Vines

"It is Wednesday, my dudes." - Leo

So here's my third Vine article, and I wanted to do another one because it gives me an excuse to watch Vine compilations all day! So here it is, zodiac signs as Vines. I hope it makes you laugh as much as I did!

1. Aries

Aries are known for standing up for what they believe in, just like this woman!

2. Taurus

Tauruses are big on security and getting their job done, just like these cops are doing with a little bit more fun!

3. Gemini

Geminis are very fun-loving and all about communication!

4. Cancer

Cancers are very in touch with their feelings. If only they could have helped this pigeon :(

5. Leo

Leos are all about self-expression, and that's all I have to say about this one.

6. Virgo

One of Virgos' traits is attention to detail! This guy seems to have that.

7. Libra

Libras are incredibly charming and romantic. This one screams romance!

8. Scorpio

Scorpios are very intuitive.

9. Sagittarius

Sagittarius signs are very big-hearted and know what people need, like maybe some milk.

10. Capricorn

Capricorns are known for their patience in dealing with things.

11. Aquarius

Aquariuses are very friendly, and they want to make other people smile!

12. Pisces

Pisces can be very sensitive, so do not disrespect them!

I hope you enjoyed and have a fantastic week!

Song of the Week: "Never Be the Same" - Camila Cabello

Cover Image Credit: Jimmy Here / YouTube

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