Sweet Daydreams To Nightmare Screams

Sweet Daydreams To Nightmare Screams

Flooding sensations wreck havoc in the depths of my subconscious.
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It's not that I'm crazy. My subconscious is my nightmare.

My daydreams consist of ruffling textbook pages and blue ink pens scratching against paper.

My dreams at night are filled with rancid beings, humans at their core but monsters at heart – a hard heart, cold to the touch of my fingers, immovable to the push of my palm, unstoppable against the shove of arms, the kick of feet, the squirm of my shuddering body until it ends. I wake with a scream. Every night I wake up screaming. It's one of the reasons I still live alone.

The other reason is that my apartment is always dark. The blinds are closed, the shades are drawn, and the red chiffon curtains billow at the puff of air from my desk fan. But sometimes the desk fan is not at the desk. Sometimes it's across the living room, perched on the edge of the slippery leather couch. Or sometimes it's in the kitchen, blowing high-speed wind at the fridge. Last time it was whirring under my bed, which only prolonged my screaming session for the night. Today, it's back on the desk, puffing air at the red chiffon curtains. Its moody behavior makes me want to wag a finger in mock anger, but I'm not angry or amused. And that would be crazy.

They all move, from the knives to the pillows to the toilet paper. They're all over this noisy one-bedroom apartment. In July, I moved into a place near college, university, school – whatever you want to call it because school in Japanese is "gakkou" and the point is...

The fan just moved again.

Now it's on the floor under the glow of the lamp. I swear this place is haunted or something. The glow of the lamp is eerie, and it fills me with dread. I wish these things didn't happen, I wish that I could leave, but if I do, then what? Who will take my place? How can I subject an innocent bystander to this treachery? No, no I can't do that. Not when I can communicate with it, not when it slips into my nightmares, sliding across the slinky rings that pierce through my subconscious to hold it steadfast to my mind. I drudge through the exploding firework of colors, the stench of decomposition and beyond the incomprehensible howling – a manifestation incongruous to my symphonic orchestration of misery and isolation. People hooting, lights exploding against a black night sky, picnic sheets on the ground, someone whispering, "You're so lucky to have been born on the fourth..."

So lucky to have been born...

So lucky to have...

So lucky...

Lucky...

Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky ucky, mucky, mucky, rucky, rocky road ice cream, that's funny.

Your heart's not beating, it's getting cold.

Your heart's not beating, you're becoming cold.

Your heart stopped beating, you're dead cold.

I wake up screaming. The voices hush. The fan is whirring. It's right on the edge of my blanket, staring up at my sweaty, convulsing face. Its speed is on high, my voice is still screaming on high, so I clamp my mouth shut. I yank the cord out and trash the fan, shoving it deep under the third garbage bag sitting in the kitchen. Then thinking better of it, I snatch it back, slam its head against the counter – again, again, again until there's only plastic bits and pieces left to shovel into the pail to the bag to the bin.

But now here I'm pacing, looking for a calendar somewhere because as soon as this semester ends, I'm moving out. This place is crazy. Things move on their own. Voices whisper around the edge of the fan, but I had blamed it on the whirring. Now the whirring is gone, I can hear them clearly – "crazy" – this place is crazy – "been a year" – it's been less than four months, the semester isn't over – "never had a semester" – need to go to class, but then there were – "your worst nightmare" – yes, yes, my nightmares – "is in the mirror" – shut up!

I need to find a calendar because these voices are wrong. It's only been four months. They can't lie to me. I have a phone! Yes, I have a phone, and they have calendars, so in there somewhere, and God, it's blindingly bright, but if I scroll down, yes, there it is, it's October!

Let's focus – "go ahead" – focus! I moved in July – "after your birthday" – and then classes began in August, – "August when" – and now, it's October – "October what" – what do you mean, October what?

October 2016.

Oh...so it has been a year. More than year.

So I put the phone down and turn to the mirror. Orange, white-capped bottles line the dresser top. White stickers with typed print: a trial dosage of clozapine, 6 mg/day of risperidone, .5 mg twice a day of lorazepam.

It's not that I'm crazy. My subconscious is my nightmare.


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All resemblance to actual people, places, incidents, or things is completely coincidental.

Cover Image Credit: ViralNova

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What Your Hogwarts House Says About You

Get yourself sorted and find out where you belong in the world of witchcraft and wizardry.
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Sorting at Hogwarts is a big deal. Being sorted into a house is essentially being placed into a family while you are away from home learning about witchcraft and wizardry. Your house is made up of the people you will live with, go to classes with, play Quidditch with and everything in between. You basically spend 24/7 with them. Your Hogwarts house is your home away from home.

When you get sorted into a house, it is based on your personality traits. The people in your house are typically like-minded people who display the same characteristics as you.

When you’re a first year at Hogwarts, the minute you set foot in the castle you are swept into the Great Hall to have the ancient Sorting Hat placed on your head. This Sorting Hat decides which “family” you’ll be spending your seven years with.

For some, it is very obvious which house they will be in, due to certain personality traits they possess. For others, they may exemplify traits that fit a multitude of houses and are uncertain where they may end up.

To find out where you belong, you can take the official "Harry Potter" Sorting Hat quiz at Pottermore.com. For all you muggles out there, these are the characteristics that the houses possess and what your house says about you:

Gryffindor: The house of the brave, loyal, courageous, adventurous, daring and chivalrous. Those who stand up for others are typically Gryffindors. Brave-hearted is the most well-known Gryffindor characteristic, and Gryffindors are also known for having a lot of nerve.

Gryffindors are people who hold a multitude of qualities alongside the ones listed, making them a very well-rounded house. People who are Gryffindors are often people who could fit nicely into another house but choose to tell the sorting hat they want Gryffindor (there's that bravery). "Do what is right" is the motto Gryffindors go by.

Being a Gryffindor means that you're probably the adventurous and courageous friend, and you are usually known for doing what is right.

Ravenclaw: The house is known for their wisdom, intelligence, creativity, cleverness and knowledge. Those who value brains over brawn can be found here. Ravenclaws often tend to be quite quirky as well. "Do what is wise" is the motto they strive to follow.

Though Ravenclaws can be know-it-alls sometimes, they most likely do know what the wisest decision is.

If you are known for being the quirky friend, the smartest in the group or just great at making wise decisions, you're definitely a Ravenclaw.

Hufflepuff: This house values hard work, dedication, fair play, patience, and loyalty. Hufflepuff’s are known for being just and true. "Do what is nice" is their motto.

Hufflepuff is known as the “nice house” and believes strongly in sparing peoples feelings and being kind. This is not to say that Hufflepuffs aren't smart or courageous. Hufflepuffs just enjoy making others happy and tend to be more patient towards people.

If you ever find that you are too nice for your own good and cannot bear to hurt someone’s feelings, congratulations, you are a Hufflepuff.

Slytherin: This is the house of the cunning, prideful, resourceful, ambitious, intelligent, and determined. Slytherin's love to be in charge and crave leadership. "Do what is necessary" is the motto of this house.

Slytherin is a fairly well-rounded house, similar to the other houses. They are loyal to those that are loyal to them just as Gryffindors are and are intelligent as Ravenclaws.

Slytherin house as a whole is not evil, despite how many dark wizards come out of this house. That is merely based on the choices of those wizards (so if your friend is a Slytherin, don’t judge, it doesn’t mean they are mean people). Slytherins do, however, have a tendency to be arrogant or prideful. This is most likely due to the fact that everyone in Slytherin is exceedingly proud to be there.

What Hogwarts house you’re in says a lot about the person you are, the traits you possess and how you may act in some situations. But in the end, your house is really just your home that is always there for you. Always.


Cover Image Credit: Warner Bros Pictures

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10 Unique Couples' Halloween Costumes You HAVEN'T Seen Done A Bajillion Times Before

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