Last week The Odyssey volunteered an article that shared the stories of three women who survived domestic abuse; this week we offer you three more stories from two women and a man. Domestic violence can happen to both sexes, and both sexes are capable of committing abuse. There is a widespread stigma that men are always the abusers and women are always the abusees. Through these stories, you will see that, while that situation is sometimes the case, it is not always the case.

Franklin and Marshall Part 1 I Allegheny College I University of South Florida

Class of 2018, 18 years old

Dealing with domestic abuse was really hard for me because it was coming from my father. He left when I was 7 years old, and always had a tendency to drink. When he drank, he got really violent. His abuse makes me feel really guilty because my older brother took the brunt of it; he still has scars. It is not something I have really talked to him about. I never knew my father before he the drinking and the abuse, but my brother did. They still keep in contact. I was always able to hate my father for what he did, but my brother did not.

"It’s okay to feel bad about it. You can grow from that. I think that is the greatest gift."

We used to go to church every Sunday morning as a family. We would always get really dressed up. I remember being in the room getting ready with my brother and hearing something hit the wall really hard. My brother would shush me and tell me something must have fallen so to continue getting ready. He left to take care of the situation and came back in with bruises and cuts all over him. He needed stitches across his eyebrow. I asked, “What happened?” And he said, “I tripped. It’s no big deal.” And then we went to church. All four of us sat in a pew and prayed.

The best advice anyone has given me is that it is okay to feel guilty. You hear all the time that it isn’t your fault, but that’s frustrating. When I finally became okay with what happened is when someone said to me, “It’s okay to feel bad about it." You can grow from that. I think that is the greatest gift.

Class of 2019, 18 years old

I was raised in a family that would have operated smoother if my parents had been divorced. I do not have a relationship with my father, but I am really close with my mom. I spent my entire life watching my father berate and insult her. When I was younger, I mostly just watched. But as I got older, it transferred to him pushing me around too. People think that these situations are contained between two people, but in reality, domestic violence affects the loved ones of everyone involved. So much of the way I see the world and my disconnect from people is because my parents never had a solid foundation or relationship. I was never taught how to be in a relationship, platonic or otherwise. It is easy for me to make friends, but it is not easy for me to keep them.

Much of who I am comes from my situation and trying to be the opposite of my father. Many times, people who grow up in an abusive situation become an abuser later in life, but very early on I decided I would never be like him. I am trying to convince my mom to divorce my father, not for me, but for her. Being a child in an abusive situation, it seems like you have no control. I think my mom tried to gain control, but even if she divorced him, he would make her life hell.

"People think that these situations are contained between two people, but in reality domestic violence effects the loved ones of everyone involved."

A father is the one man who is supposed to always be there and love you unconditionally, but instead I have a void, and I spent these years filling that void with boyfriends. I just let them have sex with me. I let that be done onto me like my mom let my father abuse her. It was all very detached.

My latest boyfriend was in an abusive relationship prior to dating me. His ex-girlfriend was really manipulative and would not let him hang out with anyone else. She would physically hang on him and insult him all the time. Whatever sense of identity he had, he lost because of her. After they broke up she would follow him around school and hit him. He can never see how remarkable he is on his own because his ex constantly made him think that without her he would be nothing.

"Many times people who grow up in an abusive situation become an abuser later in life, but very early on I decided I would never be like him."

To be close to an abusee is to feel their pain, and to try and love one is a life of constantly trying to prove you are not trying to manipulate or hurt them every chance you get. It never stays with the first two people; it is like a web that collects more and more people as it moves on.

There is this illusion of containment that it will be just their story, that will happen between them. That they will be the only ones hurting. But it never stays between just them. It never stays contained.

Class of 2017, 21 years old

I interned for an alcohol company in New York this summer. My boss, who was a married man, was known for being very touchy with his male employees. One night at an event he was being aggressive with me. It wasn’t unusual for him. It was 3:00 a.m. and my dad was calling me nonstop because I was out past curfew. My boss looked at me and asked if I would go home with him. I said no, then I walked away and went into a bathroom stall. He followed me into the bathroom and started banging on the stall. When I finally opened it he held me to the wall and tried to kiss me and go further. Then thankfully someone walked in, so he had to stop. I ran. I had to keep working after that. Seeing him every day was the most stressful and mind-numbing experience. He purposely would still ask me to go for coffee and rub my back. Eventually, I quit. I was really distraught after this happened. I couldn’t function for awhile. I had to gather strength to move on.

"The only way to take power away from an abuser is to not live in fear."

I want people to know that it does get better. You have to take everyday as it comes minute by minute. You have to know that it is not your fault. Do not let the violence determine your life. The only way to take power away from an abuser is to not live in fear.

If you are abused please speak up and accept how you are feeling. Once you accept that this happened you can begin to move forward. Stay strong and live your life without fear; that is the only way to take the power away from your abuser.